


the cracks in me are filled with gold (i am unbreaking)

by queerenteen



Series: learning to live [1]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Author Is Sleep Deprived, Azula (Avatar) Redemption, Bi Author, Bisexual Sokka (Avatar), Bisexual Suki (Avatar), Bisexual Zuko (Avatar), F/F, F/M, Fluff, Gaang (Avatar) as Family, LGBTQ Themes, Lesbian Azula, Lesbian Ty Lee (Avatar), Lots of it, M/M, Mutual Pining, Post-Canon, Toph Beifong and Zuko are Siblings, Zuko is an Awkward Turtleduck, aroace Toph, because they were kids and shouldn't have been fighting a war in the first place, no beta because my friends aren't watching avatar no matter how much i pester them, the fire lord and the ambassador, the gaang has ptsd
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-30
Updated: 2020-11-16
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:08:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 39,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25610341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queerenteen/pseuds/queerenteen
Summary: .'kintsukuroi'lit. 'to repair with gold'; the Japanese art of fixing broken pottery with gold or silver lacquer and understand that breakage and repair is a part of the history of the object, making it more beautiful with its imperfection..Sokka's smile was a brilliant and magical thing, Zuko felt as if being close to Sokka sent rivulets of molten gold in his very being, mending the broken pieces and making him feel whole..Featuring soft Gaang moments, redemption (?) for Azula, angsty teenagers trying to run the world, and a whole lot of pining thrown into the mix.
Relationships: Aang/Katara (Avatar), Mai/Ty Lee (Avatar), Sokka/Zuko (Avatar), The Gaang & Zuko (Avatar)
Series: learning to live [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2016685
Comments: 150
Kudos: 428





	1. Prologue: All was well

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the first fanfiction I have written (remembers the terrible Harry Potter and Percy Jackson fics with self-insert characters and horrible grammar that I wrote as a preteen.) Correction: This is the first one I have ever finished and posted to I hope y'all like it.  
> (P.S. There is no beta reader for this because none of my friends have watched Avatar, no matter how much I tell them. I apologise for mistakes, typos and problems with tense. I've tried my best.)

The last time Zuko had felt truly happy was not at his coronation. 

Of course, he had felt immense pride well inside as he saw all the nations in harmony, and with Aang at his side, the robes he wore and the pin that held his hair in place was not a burden but a means of telling him that he had finally regained his honour.

It had taken every ounce of courtesy and decorum ingrained into him (another by-product of being the heir of the Fire Nation, along with a tendency for long, dramatic monologues and a fear of raised hands) to not start laughing when Aang said under his breath, "Please make it the official rule to greet the Fire Lord with a 'Flameo Hotman.'"

The last time Zuko felt truly happy had been just after his coronation, in his Uncle's teashop in Ba Sing Se.

The thoughts of Ozai, rebuilding the Fire Nation, the countless meetings and even Azula were not lingering for the first since Sozin's comet.

He laughed freely with his Uncle while he made Jasmine Tea and handed it out to his friends. Mai's fingers lingered against his while Sokka sat at one of the tables, painting with broad brushstrokes and yelled at Zuko to stop moving while Sokka was trying to 'capture the moment.'

Katara was loudly protesting the way Sokka had painted her and Zuko thought she had been exaggerating till he saw the painting. Aang looked at them all fondly while everyone bombarded Sokka with various criticisms till Toph intervened and said, "I think you all look perfect," and made them all burst into raucous laughter. 

Zuko noticed Aang slip outside and Katara following shortly after and smiled. After everything they'd been through, they deserved to be happy.

Mai leaned her head against his shoulder and he simply savoured it all. Toph had made herself a bench (even though there were dozens around her) and talking to Iroh about the benefits of a white lotus tile during a game of Pai Sho.

Suki was helping Sokka with a new painting and both of them had ink smeared on their cheeks and fingers.

Mai whispered softly in his ear as Aang and Katara tried to be discreet but were unwilling to let go of each other's hand, "I never thought it would end like this."

Zuko a year ago could have never imagined this either--a future in which he was the Fire Lord, sitting in his Uncle's teashop in _Ba Sing Se_ , and being friends with the _Avatar_ , the very person he had spent the entirety of his early teens hunting; sitting with Mai in the Earth Kingdom, and felt a deep sense of peace and belonging as he watched the sunset beyond the Outer Wall.

He held Mai's hand and said, "Me neither."

Mai had been wrong about one thing. While they might have ended the Hundred Year War, the battle was far from over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title is from the last words from the epilogue of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. As I grew up, the less I agreed with them, so I've used them here satirically.  
> Also, JK Rowling's recent tweets were awful and inexcusable and I'm so sorry for all the people she hurt. You are so, so valid and don't deserve all of this.  
> .  
> Tumblr: queerenteen


	2. Part 1: I got everything I wanted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from "Everything I Wanted" by Billie Eilish

Mai and Zuko broke up a few months after Sozin's Comet.

Neither of them had been surprised when it happened; when Mai finally did what Zuko had been afraid to do (partly because he didn't want to hurt Mai, but mostly because he didn't want Mai to hurt him.) (He took every threat she made seriously ever since they were seven and Mai pushed him into the turtleduck pond when he told Ty Lee who'd stolen the last of her fire flakes after Mai had warned him not to.)

Ironically, it happened in Ursa's gardens and after Mai walked away, Zuko tripped over his formal Fire Lord robes and fell into the turtleduck pond. 

"Somethings will never change," he thought miserably as a turtleduckling nudged his ear and gave out a delighted quack. 

The following week Mai packed up her things and was on her way to visit Ty Lee on Kyoshi Island.

"I'll miss you," said Zuko, when he hugged her one last time.

"Me too," she said begrudgingly, as she boarded the ship that Zuko had commissioned for her. He waited on the docks and Mai waited on the deck, both of them rooted to the spot as till the ship disappeared over the horizon.

He really did miss Mai. They may not have worked out romantically, but she was his only friend in the palace and it was lonely without her.

Aang and Katara were off helping with reparations and relief all over the world, and where Aang was so were Appa and Momo. 

Suki and Ty Lee had gone to Kyoshi Island with the other warriors and now Mai had left to join them.

Iroh was busy running the Jasmine Dragon in Ba Sing Se and Toph had gone back to the Earth Kingdom to see if she could mend her relationship with her parents.

And Sokka had gone back to the Southern Water Tribe with his father--to his home and his family.

* * *

Zuko fell back into dangerous tendencies without anyone to hold him back. The rooms were too big, too empty, too full of bad memories for him to be alone in them. 

He filled his day with meetings and paperwork, slowly unravelling the tangled mess that his ancestors had made of the Fire Nation. On most days he barely ate, and when he woke up in the night, lightning flashing every time he closed his eyes, a phantom ache spreading over his midriff, he trained, irrespective of what time it was. 

Sometimes he dreamt of brilliant blue eyes and a laugh that could fill the firmament--he would wake up flushed, close his eyes and for a moment imagine cool fingers trailing the side of his face and dark hair wrapped between his fingers.

He trained even harder afterwards, to get rid of the memories that were never true, that he wasn't supposed to have. 

They never went away, no matter how much he tried.

While Mai had never been very vocal or direct with her affection and concern, she had kept him at bay when she had been there. She used to have food sent up to his rooms, drag him away from his study and spar with him till he no longer felt so numb. 

Without her, without anyone else, he was lost, untethered and unmoored. 

So he threw himself into his work. Even if he was unhappy, he would not let his people suffer. 

* * *

The first few months after the war had gone into negotiating peace treaties and alliances, providing immediate effect to those who had been devastated by the War. 

When those had become relatively stable, Zuko turned his attention to the problems in the inner working of his government. After Ozai's imprisonment, most of the Loyalists had either fled or 'changed their allegiance'. 

He began with dismantling the War Cabinet. He should have done it sooner but negotiations and contracts had taken up all his time. 

Unfortunately for him, the War Cabinet did not take his decision well. 

"You can't dissolve the War Cabinet!" shouted General Lee shouted and Zuko winced. He'd been expecting this reaction but desperately hoping that somehow, things would work out peacefully. 

"General, this is a War Cabinet and since we are no longer at war, there is no need for it," said Zuko sternly, refusing to back down. He was the Fire Lord dammit, and it was his decision, no matter what General Lee or anyone else thought. 

"You leave me no choice," said General Lee. "I challenge you to an _Agni Kai_." 

Zuko sighed. General Lee clearly had another choice but wasn't willing to accept it. 

"Fine," said Zuko resignedly. He could fit in an _Agni Kai_ between his meetings and training sessions. 

* * *

Zuko shucked off his outer robes and turned to face General Lee, his stance exactly the way his Uncle had taught him and he took a deep breath. 

He wasn't afraid. He'd faced his father when he was thirteen (he was fairly certain that this duel wouldn't be anywhere close to that one), beat Zhao at fifteen and won against Azula a little less than a year later. 

If Zuko could not only survive but also win against Azula, General Lee's probability of victory was in the negatives. 

Lee threw a blast of fire at Zuko's face which he sent back with ease. Lee stumbled to avoid it, and in those precious moments that he used to regain his footing, with a sweeping kick Zuko knocked the General off his feet and he fell back to the ground. 

Zuko expected General Lee to get up. Instead, he lay cowering on the ground. 

Bile rose at the back of Zuko's throat. 

"Disappointing," he said, walking away. He wouldn't be like his father. He would be like his Uncle. He would show his strength with mercy. "I expected more of a fight." 

Zuko shrugged his robes back on and headed back to the meeting with the remaining members of the War Cabinet. They all handed in their resignation without protest. 

* * *

Replacing Ozai's loyalists with people who actually cared about upholding the peace of the Nation was a tedious process. 

Every part of the system had to be dismantled and put back, and in some cases completely removed. 

Once in awhile a hot-headed loyalist would get worked up and challenge Zuko to an _Agni Kai_. His knuckles were split and burned, his limbs constantly aching but he won every single one and showed mercy to each of his opponents. 

The last one had been with the Education Minister about changing the curriculum in all the schools from propaganda to the truth. That _Agni Kai_ had lasted for four minutes--Zuko had been impressed. 

But not all of his opposition had been so direct. 

There was the time the chandelier in one of the numerous meeting rooms had fallen down while Zuko was there. If not for his reflexes, he would have been crushed. 

The sabotager wasn't the brightest candle of the bunch either--one could clearly make out the scorch marks against the hooks to weaken them. 

There was the time his white dragon bush tea was actually made of white jade flowers. 

Thankfully after his Uncle's unfortunate mishap, Zuko had learnt the difference between the red-pink with white streak petals and white with dark orange streaks that were floating in the teapot.

He couldn't sleep at night out of fear whether the guards outside his door were in on the conspiracy. 

The few times he did he woke up with the sound of Azula's screams in his ears. 

It grew so bad that he actually turned to coffee ("Uncle would be so disappointed.") to help him stay awake during meetings and events and keep the nightmares at bay. 

The servants who brought him food began to worry about about the trays that were still laden when he told them to take it away. 

One day he was sitting by his mother's turtleduck pond, tossing bits of bread in. He smiled as they squawked happily. It was the favourite part of his day, the time he felt a little less lonely. 

"Nephew," he heard and he thought he was so sleep deprived that he was having hallucinations of his uncle. 

"Sparky!" shouted a tiny figure before launching herself at him and crushing him in a hug. 

"Toph?" he asked, trying to make sense of the situation. "How..." 

"Your friend sent a letter when she left," said Iroh gently. "She thought you'd appreciate the company." 

Zuko's vision blurred as he looked at Toph grinning wildly as she let him go and at his Uncle's soft smile. 

Zuko enveloped them both in a hug and whispered, "I missed you so much." 

* * *

Caldera's Royal Palace was a lot more tolerable when Toph and Iroh were around. 

Every morning Zuko would get up early and have tea with his Uncle and watch the sunrise before the onslaught of meetings began. 

Toph would sometimes tag along to them. She'd stay uncharacteristically quiet throughout most of them, and later feed Zuko the information she'd picked up on as a silent observer (with incredible hearing and earthbending). 

Toph and Zuko still dealt with the nightmares, an unabating result of fighting a War at its front lines and years of systematic familial ignorance and at times, downright abuse. 

So Toph began to sleep in Zuko's room. She refused to sleep on a bed, and he had to have the entire wood flooring redone to stone. 

(It had only been a matter of time before it caught aflame. Who puts wooden floorboards in a firebender's room?) 

Both of them had been able to sleep much better after that. 

No one dared to challenge Zuko to an Agni Kai after a particularly foolhardy Admiral did so while Toph was present. 

Before Zuko could deign him with an answer Toph piped up, "I'll do it." 

Admiral Chan looked both piqued and befuddled. "You're not even a firebender." 

"Toph--" began Zuko but she cut him off. 

"I'm handling it Sparky." 

The rest of the ministers and officials in the room gasped at her callous address of the Fire Lord. 

"Scandalous," someone whispered. 

"It'll be a normal duel then," said Toph. "Or are you scared that you'll get your ass handed to you by a blind, thirteen-year-old girl?" 

If Admiral Chan had been smart he would have refused and then proceeded to move to the North Pole. 

However, he seemed to be exceptionally moronic as he smirked and said, "Bring it on." 

* * *

He had to be carried away with five broken teeth, two broken ribs and several of them bruised, numerous shattered bones and a concussion in less than two minutes of the duel's onset. 

"You didn't have to do that," insisted Zuko as she walked towards him. 

Toph rolled her eyes. "Sparky, that's what family does." 

"Family?" murmured Zuko, an almost forgotten concept. 

He'd always had his Uncle; the fond memories of his mother and even Azula when they were children running around the Royal Palace as she shouted, "Catch me Zuzu!" at the top of her voice as she darted in and out of the endless rooms. 

Toph rolled her eyes again. "Who put you in charge of a country? Of course, we're family you..." 

She didn't finish because Zuko pulled her into a hug mid-sentence. 

Toph sighed before she patted him on his arm and said sarcastically, "There, there." 

Zuko laughed wetly but didn't let go. 

* * *

"Wake up," said Toph, but not touching Zuko as he blurrily blinked away his sleep. She knew how much touch startled him, especially when he wasn't fully aware.

"What...?" said Zuko, rubbing his eyes. 

"Sparky," said Toph with a wicked smile as she held out his blue spirit mask and duel dao blades. "We are going on our life-changing field trip. 

Zuko blinked. "I'm the Fire Lord, surely someone would notice I'm missing."

"Not if it's an overnight trip," said Toph. "Hurry up."

Zuko and Toph snuck out the window, running through the shadows till they were out of the Palace.

Even at night, Caldera City was a sight to behold. Lanterns glowed on branches and rooftops while acrobats performed flips on tightropes and dazzling flames billowing out of firebreathers mouths.

Apparently, a circus was in the city and the hundreds of people milling in the streets were all dressed for it, many of them even wearing carnival and play masks for the occasion so Zuko blended in easily with his Blue Spirit attire.

Toph bought a black silk blindfold because she thought it would make her look cool (it did) and Zuko helped her tie it over her eyes. He made her take a short detour to the bazaar where vendors were selling fire nation delicacies. He hadn't eaten street food in a long time and when he was done his arms were laden with sizzle-crisps, flaming fire flakes and hotcakes with sweet cream.

They ate in silence on their way to the docks, and Zuko was impressed when Toph was able to eat the fire flakes with the same ease that he could.

"You should have seen Snoozles face when he tried them for the first time," chuckled Toph. "It was a miracle that he didn't spontaneously combust on the spot."

When Toph mentioned Sokka, Zuko was startled by how much he missed him, how much he missed all of them--Aang and his endless optimism, Katara and the fierce way she cared for those she loved, Sokka and his jokes that for some reason no one except Zuko found funny. He even missed Suki and her determination that got them out of the Boiling Rock, Mai who had kept him together in those tedious months after the war, Ty Lee and her indomitable spirit as she faced down Azula.

He felt a small, calloused hand slip into his as Toph said, "Me too, Sparky."

They walked in nostalgic silence and Zuko was grateful for her strength.

When they reached the docks, Toph already had tickets ready and she handed them over as they boarded a small steamboat.

"Where are we going?" asked Zuko as both of them leaned against the railing. 

"Hira'a," said Toph and Zuko felt his heart race. He knew Toph did too because she asked, "What's wrong?" 

"That's where my mother was from," said Zuko softly. "She used to play the Dragon Empress in the Hira'a theatre's production of Love Among the Dragons."

"The play that the Ember Island Players used to butcher every year before the began to do that to our lives?" said Toph and Zuko nodded.

"Well, we're not going there to watch a play," said Toph, smiling deviously. "Maybe next time but for now..." She whispered the rest of the plan in Zuko's ear in case they were being overheard.

Once she was done Zuko wondered if he could jump overboard and swim back to Caldera.

Toph laughed at his expression. "Don't be a wimp Sparky, it'll be fun!"

* * *

Iroh was nonchalantly sipping his morning jasmine tea when Toph and Zuko entered the room. 

"Morning," they both uttered, taking a seat at the table. 

"Lovely day, isn't it?" said Iroh, pouring both of them cups of tea. 

"I suppose," said Zuko, gratefully accepting it. Jasmine had always been his favourite, and Uncle always made it for him whenever he got the opportunity. 

"I assume this is the first time you've seen this," said Iroh, placing a wanted poster on the table. 

A crude sketch of two black-clad figures, the taller one wearing a monstrous blue mask and the other a blindfold over the eyes. 

"Uncle," said Toph impatiently, gesturing at her eyes. 

"Apologies," said Iroh, then reads what was written underneath. "Wanted: The Blue Spirit and the Blind Bandit." 

"Whatever for?" asked Zuko, taking a long sip of his tea. 

"For destroying the statue of Ozai in Hira'a, and when the authorities chased them, they ran, causing property damage including but not limited to a cabbage cart," said Iroh, glancing at the poster. 

"Send them funds from the Government to help in rebuilding," said Zuko easily. 

"And replace the statue of Ozai with one of Zuko," added Toph cheerfully, nudging him with her elbow. 

Zuko choked on his tea. 

After much debate, they finally decided to make a statue in Avatar Roku's honour. 

"I still think we should have made a Fire Lord Zuko statue," said Toph sullenly. 

Zuko laughed, feeling better than he had in months.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I adore Toph and Zuko being siblings so damn much.  
> P.S. I'll post the next part in a few days.


	3. Part 2: Hold onto me cause I'm a little unsteady

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Unsteady" by the X Ambassadors (from 'Me Before You')

"Take care Nephew," said Iroh as he hugged Zuko one last time before he stepped onto the ship which would take him back to the Earth Kingdom. "Make sure he doesn't work too much," said he said as Toph tackled him in a hug. "And you take care too."

"We will Uncle," said both of them together, waving in farewell till Iroh was a speck on the sea.

* * *

_"Why aren't you going back with him?" Zuko had asked, utterly perplexed._

_Toph rolled her eyes and punched his arm. "Why would I leave you, dummy?"_

_Zuko rubbed his bruised arm but had a smile on his face for the rest of the day._

* * *

"Sir!" said one of the guards, almost bursting into the study where Zuko was doing mind-numbing paperwork and Toph was sitting in one of the chairs, randomly bending a piece of metal. "There is a flying bison heading to the palace. What do we do? Shoot?"

He seemed very uncertain how to proceed when a flying bison was involved.

Zuko and Toph looked at each other, grinning wildly, "Appa!"

They did all but sprint away.

"Also," called out Toph. "Do not shoot unless you want the Avatar to be mad at you."

The guard gulped nervously and skittered away in the opposite direction.

They go out to the courtyard where Appa had just landed, and Zuko found himself being tackled by a scrawny teenager. 

"Aang, you're strangling him!" shouted Katara as she slid off Appa, Momo flittering around her head.

Aang pulled away and rubbed the back of his head abashedly. "Sorry."

He didn't have time to say anything else because he found himself being launched at by Toph who was yelling, "Twinkletoes!"

Katara hugged him and Zuko held on tight. It's amazing how much he had missed them. When he pulled away he noticed Momo chewing on something shiny. He put a hand to his hair and realises it's his flame crown.

It took Aang ten minutes to chase him down and hand it back. 

If Sokka were here, he would have said something along the lines of 'bow down his royal momoness of the momo dynasty, Fire Lord Momo.'

It wasn't rational, but Zuko kept stealing glances at Appa like Sokka was hiding in the saddle and would pounce out any minute to surprise them. 

Katara seemed to notice and to ease him said, "Sokka's back helping rebuild the Tribe. He's promised to be here for the Summer Solstice celebrations. I've threatened to take away his boomerang if he doesn't show up."

Zuko smiled slightly, knowing that Sokka was sure to come.

* * *

"Let's do some firebending practice," said Aang excitedly, once he and Katara were settled in. "For old time's sake."

Aang and Katara were staying for a few days at Caldera before heading for Omashu and Zuko had postponed all his 'Fire Lordly' duties so he readily accepted.

It felt good, to replace his stifling formal robes for lighter training gear that he had spent most of his life in. Plus, there was nothing better for firebending practice than an actual opponent. 

(The palace guards went easy on him--like he would burn the minute the flames touched him. He didn't ask after that.)

Katara and Toph sat at the edge of the courtyard, Katara reading a waterbending scroll she'd picked up from the Northern Water Tribe and Toph was observing the two of them, her feet firmly planted on the ground.

"You think you can beat me, old man," teased Aang as he easily step-sided Zuko's flaming punch. 

"Yeah, it's not like you're my great-grandfather or anything," said Zuko, hitting the floor as Aang's fire sliced the air above. 

"Wait, Roku was your great-grandfather?" asked Katara, looking up from her scroll. 

"On my mother's side," answered Zuko, aiming a blast of fire at Aang. "That's why my father married her, to strengthen the bloodline." 

Aang kicked and a wide arc of fire surged towards Zuko. 

Suddenly, it was the day of Sozin's Comet, and he was fighting Azula and he couldn't breathe. 

"Stop!" shouted Toph and Zuko vaguely realised that she had put up a wall of stone so that Zuko wouldn't be burned. 

"Is it the burn from the lightning?" asked Katara, a bubble of water already in her hands. 

"Did one of the assassins finally get to you?" said Toph, and although she tried to pass it off as a joke there was concern in her voice. 

"Did you just say assassins!?" screeched Katara, but nothing drew Zuko out of the haze of memories he would rather forget. His lungs refused to breathe anything other than shallow breaths that didn't help him.

"Zuko," said Aang calmly, placing his hands on his shoulders. 

Zuko looked up at Aang's serene face. "Breathe," he said, airbending a bit so that Zuko could breathe better. "Whatever you're thinking about, we'll figure it out together. You're here, and we're with you, the entire way." 

When Zuko finally regains his senses, he's on his knees, tears have left sticky, salty tracks on his cheeks and there were scorched handprints the stone floor. 

Katara and Aang helped him up to his feet. "You're shaking," said Toph softly, and she handed him his discarded robe. "Here."

"Sit down," said Aang, directing Zuko towards the steps, as he slipped on the robe, the material silky and cool against his burning skin. "Have some water." Aang unhooked the flask from his belt and handed it over.

Zuko wasn't used to people other than his Uncle taking care of him. So when Aang patiently helped as Zuko's fumbling fingers couldn't unscrew the cap, Toph had a steadying hand on his shoulder and there was a ribbon of water around his chest as Katara checked if the lightning wound had healed properly, there was a strange and ephemeral feeling, slipping between his ribs and erasing his pain.

Once he had drunk enough that the dry sensation in his mouth faded away, he handed the flask back and Aang asked, "Are you feeling better?"

Zuko couldn't remember the last time someone had sincerely asked him that. "Yes." 

"What happened?" asked Katara gently, sitting down next to him on the stoop. 

Zuko didn't have any words to describe the sense of crushing guilt, fear and breathlessness that had enveloped him.

"He had a panic attack," said Aang, and those words seemed to perfectly encompass the onslaught of emotions Zuko had felt. "When that happened to me until a few months back I used to end up in Avatar State. But when this happened at home... well, this is what helped me through it."

Aang looked so sad that Zuko placed a comforting arm around his shoulders, Katara hugged him and Toph stood behind them all, a solid presence that wasn't afraid to take down anyone that was stupid enough to mess with her family. 

"What were you thinking about?" asked Aang softly once he was feeling less burdened. 

Zuko wanted to say fire and burning and sin.

About gold eyes looking into his, reflecting the azure and orange of the flames surrounding them. 

The deep sense of loss that has taken root in his chest and refusing to let go. 

"My sister," he choked out, and Katara made a vaguely distressed noise as she hugged him. 

She was the only one who was there that day, who saw what Azula had done. "You're okay," she said over and over again, the words tethering him. "You're okay." 

"She doesn't have her bending anymore," said Aang. 

Toph scoffed and said, "Good riddance. Thank the spirits you had the sense to take it away from her." 

"But that's the thing," said Aang calmly, ignoring Toph's jibe. "I didn't force her. She asked me to." 

Toph laughed in disbelief, Katara's arms fell loosely to her side in numb shock and Zuko was fairly certain that his eyebrows had disappeared into his hair. 

"When did this happen?" asked Toph. "In one of your dreams? Azula would never give up her bending." 

"Well, she did," said Aang, crossing his arms. "I went to the facility she's housed in a few months after the comet and she asked me to take it away from her. She said she would never be able to break free and atone with it." 

Zuko remembered the deep hurt in Azula's voice as she said, "My own mother thought I was a monster." Her fierce determination to prove to their father what she was capable of. 

But while he was barely sixteen when the war ended, she had been fourteen. She was just a child--manipulated by Ozai's cruelty and slippery words, fueled by Ursa's fear and apathy. Zuko had been banished when she was eleven and Uncle had left with him. 

He tried to imagine how her life must have been in those years with only Ozai as her guide and beacon, never truly realising how wrong the entire situation was, and if she did, consumed by the terror that she would be 'disciplined' for her thoughts like her brother had been. 

So she became the perfect daughter, the cruel princess and the terrifying soldier. 

Nothing less than perfection would have satisfied Ozai. 

"Zuko!" said Aang, shaking his arm a bit. "Are you okay? You looked... Lost." 

Zuko let out a shaky breath and said, "Thank you." 

"It's nothing," said Aang, clearly confused by the sudden benediction. 

"What you did for Azula," said Zuko. "I know she did a lot of terrible things but she's still my little sister." 

Katara looked like she was going to cry, Toph looked unsure of the what to do and settled for dragging Katara back to the Palace with the promise of sea prunes so that Aang and Zuko would be able to talk. 

Aang sat quietly as Zuko spoke. "I still hate her for everything she did. For the boiling rock, for shooting lightning at Katara, for actually _killing_ you. That's barely the tip of the iceberg. She tried to lure me to prison with the promise of home, her _lies. Agni,_ she lied so much that I had to keep reminding myself that 'Azula always lies' so that I wouldn't lose my mind. That's when my paranoia started by the way. 

"But she's also just a child. As much as I loved my mother, she thought Azula was going to become just like my father, so she left her. Her own mother thought she was a monster. And I hate her for that. Azula was a _child_ : how could she be a monster? My father thought I was too much like my mother and my mother thought Azula was too much like my father. They were so caught up in their vitriolic hate for each other that it spilt over and burned us. I was able to get away from the vicious cycle of it all; Uncle helped me through it, but Azula was all _alone_."

Zuko bit his trembling lip and tipped his head back, but the tears slipped past and trickled down his face. 

"Hate and love aren't that different, Zuko," said Aang, placing a reassuring hand on his arm. "You can feel both of them at once. But resentment isn't good for you--it will fester and eat you up from inside. If you suppress one emotion, soon there will be deadly alchemy of the two, and that can be fatal. Feel your emotions, work through them so that you can process and learn."

"How can one person have gone from holding my hand so tightly that my fingers went numb because she didn't want to let go to shooting lightning at me?"

"She is atoning Zuko," said Aang. "She voluntarily gave up her bending. It will take time, but she can unlearn all the manipulations that she went through. Like you did." 

Zuko smiled weakly at that. 

"Forgiveness is the first step you have to take to begin healing," said Aang sagely and Zuko remembered he had told Katara the same words after they came back from the Southern Raiders mission. 

He hadn't understood it back then. He did now. 

"I'll visit her," said Zuko and Aang smiled encouragingly. 

Aang got up and offered Zuko his hand. Zuko took it without hesitation and they walked back to the Palace as the sunset over Caldera City. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The panic attack I've written is based on my own experiences--it differs from person to person but the general overwhelming feeling is a constant.  
> This a fic about the entire Gaang and I promise Sokka will be there--and have a lot to say about a certain somebody.  
> .  
> The kudos and comments mean so much to me, I hope y'all enjoyed this chapter.


	4. Part 3: Talking to the moon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from 'Talking to the Moon' by Bruno Mars

That night they had dinner in Ursa's gardens. Toph and Zuko either ate in the study or the small parlour that was attached to their quarters after Toph said she would break every single antique in the palace if she ever had to sit in the stuffy dining room again. "It's so beautiful outside," said Aang and it was decided. 

The boughs of the larger trees were laden with lanterns, while the air was still warm as firemoths flitted in the air--their phosphorescent light causing Aang and Katara to look at them in amazement. 

"Seaweed noodles!" said Katara as she uncovered one of the dishes on the table, almost clapping her hands in glee. 

"How did your chefs know about tofu and mung bean curry?" asked Aang, reverently taking a sip. He blinked rapidly as he murmured, "It takes exactly the same."

"Chef Xi's grandparents had travelled the entire world before... everything," said Zuko quietly. "She still has the recipes from all the nations so I thought..."

"Thank you," said Aang softly, voice slightly rough. "I'll ask her for a copy."

Zuko was glad--he and Toph either had Fire Nation food or when Toph was feeling a little homesick (though she would never admit it) Earth kingdom dishes like roast duck or meat _kebabs_ , but clearly both Katara and Aang were grateful for a meal that reminded them of home.

"What is the summer solstice like?" asked Katara conversationally, taking a bite of her arctic hen. 

Zuko forced himself not to think of the past as he replied, "Amazing--it lasts from dawn to well past midnight. Before dawn firebenders pray for the sun's blessing, and just as the sun rises the Fire Sages anoint the Fire Lord with flames from the sacrificial fire."

"Isn't that... risky?" asked Aang, brow furrowed in concern.

Zuko shakes his head. "Not at all. The Fire Sages control the fire carefully and firebenders don't burn easily." 

Katara glanced at Zuko and her gaze lingered a split second on his scar. Aang, always the mediator cut in and said, "After dawn what happens?"

"A lot of ceremonies, lunch with important fire nation officials and noble families, and way too many speeches," said Zuko, listing off the events.

"That sounds terrible Sparky," said Toph exasperatedly. "I thought you said this was going to be fun."

"I haven't even got to the best part yet," said Zuko. "At dusk, the カーニバル ( _kānibaru_ )--carnival begins."

Aang's eyes are shining and wide as he whooped in delight. "Kuzon and I snuck into one," he said excitedly. "There are firebenders and acrobats and fireworks and plays and..."

"We get it twinkletoes," said Toph, kicking him in the shin. "It'll not be boring."

Aang rubbed his leg but smiled as he said, "That's where Kuzon and I learnt of 'flameo hotman'."

Toph groaned and went back to decimating sea prunes with her chopsticks. 

* * *

Zuko got out of his bed once Toph's breathing had evened. As he opened the door he heard her saying, "Take your swords with you Sparky," before rolling onto her side.

Zuko shivered slightly as he slung them onto his back; her seismic abilities were uncanny. He waved off the guards and made his way down to the gardens.

Now that most of the torches in the Palace had been extinguished for the night, he could see the stars strewn across the sky and the silvery light from the crescent sliver of the moon.

He stopped in his tracks for a moment, remembering what his uncle had told him about the brave Northern Princess who gave up her life to undo Zhao's wrongs when he killed _Tui,_ Sokka's crestfallen expression when he mentioned Yue, the way his brilliant blue eyes were always drawn to the moon.

Zuko pressed his fist against his palm and bowed. Even if he hadn't known at the time, what she had done had affected who he was now. "Thank you for everything," he said. "And please forgive me for the way my actions have impacted you."

"Stop being so self-deprecating," said a voice, distinctly youthful and feminine. Zuko wondered if he was hallucinating from lack of sleep or if Princess Yue had actually heard him.

"Oh, I'm definitely losing it," said Zuko under his breath, massaging his temples with his fingers. 

"You moron," said the voice again, and only then did Zuko notice the figure next to the pond. 

"Katara?" he said, as she walked into the moonlight, her eyes bloodshot and smudged with kohl. 

He realised how much they were like warped mirror versions of each other: tired eyes, weary souls and mind plagued with anxiety.

"I couldn't sleep," she said and as Zuko opened his mouth she cut him off. "Everything was fine... it's just that sometimes I'm back in the war."

"I know what you mean," said Zuko, sitting down, dangling his feet in the chilly water. "You know everything is better, that it's all over but then..."

"All you can see is lightning and fire," said Katara, sitting next to him, bending so that the water lapped against their ankles.

Sometimes when Zuko closed his eyes all he could see was the lightning hitting Katara instead of him, Aang not being able to hold his own against Ozai, Toph falling from the airship, Sokka's hand slipping through his as he silently plunged into the boiling water.

He unsheathed his sword with a low 'snick' and saw his distorted reflection in the blade--the vicious scar covering the side of his face, narrowed gold eyes and ink hair reaching his shoulders, he hadn't bothered enough to cut it since the Comet.

"Did Toph really mean what she said about assassins?" asked Katara softly. 

Zuko nodded nonchalantly as he sheathed the _dao_ , "It's better now that Toph's here."

"Why didn't you tell us?!" said Katara, horrified by his indifference.

"I didn't want to bother you," answered Zuko truthfully. They all had better things to do than clean up the mess that generations of his family had made. That was his responsibility--no one else's. 

"Bother us?" said Katara, bewildered. "Zuko we're your friends, we want to help."

Zuko, still unused to blatant displays of camaraderie, blinked.

"Suki and the other Kyoshi Warriors are coming for the Summer Solstice festival," said Katara, more to herself than Zuko. "They can help you with security. Aang and I will go through the Fire Nation and try to find out why people are attacking you."

"That's not necessary," said Zuko and before Katara could cut him off he said, "I already know why they're targeting me. They think I'm weak, that Ozai never should have stepped down--" Katara scoffed at that. "--that Azula is the rightful heir."

"That's ridiculous," said Katara, and the temperature of the water suddenly shot down to the point Zuko yelped and jumped to his feet.

"Is it?" he said once his toes stopped feeling so numb. "Azula was born when the sun was as its peak on the Summer Solstice. Every candle in the room flared when she first cried. The omens were so clear that the Fire Sages declared her a prodigy on the _very same day._ "

In his head, Ozai whispered, " _She was born lucky."_

"I was born on the night of the new moon in the middle of the fall," said Zuko with a bitter laugh. "The full moon isn't as auspicious to firebenders as it is to waterbenders but it is the reflection of the sun--a fair substitute. The new moon? They thought I would never be able to bend."

_"You were lucky to be born," sneered Ozai._

"Bending isn't everything," said Katara defiantly, and Zuko thought of Sokka with his boomerang and _meteorite_ sword, his brilliant ideas and plans, Suki with her unnerving fighting skills and holding her own against Azula, Ty Lee and her gravity-defying acrobatics and chi blocking and Mai with her quicksilver knives and deadly speed.

"I know that now," said Zuko evenly, his hands tightening over the hilts of his swords. "But to my-- _Ozai_ , it was everything."

"One thing I learnt during the entire mess of last year is that we choose our own family," said Katara kindly, getting up and placing a reassuring hand on Zuko's shoulder. 

He smiled a bit at that, "Thank you. I'm going to be out for a while." Before Katara could offer to give up more of her sleep he said, "I'll be okay, I need to think."

Katara let go and with a soft 'good night' she disappeared into the labyrinth of corridors in the Palace.

Zuko turned his face skyward and looked at the moon. Uncle had once told him that if anyone ever feels lonely, they should look at the moon because somewhere in the world someone else would be doing the same thing.

Like most of Iroh's proverbs, Zuko hadn't understood its meaning till much later. When he looks at the moon he no longer thinks of Princess Yue. 

Instead, he thinks of the South, where a boy had turned his brilliant blue eyes towards the moon.

Sokka had once told him that he talked to Yue whenever he got a chance. He'd looked so forlorn that it made Zuko feel so bad that he said the first thing that popped into his mind.

_"That's rough, buddy."_

Zuko had wanted to smack himself for being so stupid but Sokka looked at him with an indecipherable look in his eye before he started laughing so hard that Momo flew down from his perch to check if Sokka was dying.

Zuko, like the pathetic disaster he was, still thought about it. 

Whenever there were shouting matches between his ministers and he couldn't intervene because he had to be the mediator he imagined Sokka beside him, weaving their fingers together and softly saying, " _Easy, jerkbender, resist the urge to jerk bend."_

Before Toph had moved in when he had nightmares that had him sitting up in his bed in the middle of the night, miserable and exhausted, his mind conjured Sokka, who helped him up and said, _"Go spar, Sifu Hotman. That always helped back at the Air Temple."_

Zuko knew what this all meant, but till then he had refused to voice the niggling voice at the back of his head that grew louder with each passing day.

"I miss you," he whispered--an admission, a confession, a pipe dream. 

As he went back inside, he knew to even think about it was an act of foolishness, an unachievable daydream.

But there was still an ember of hope in him that refused to be put out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gratuitous reference to the 'The King's Men' by Nora Sakavic.  
> .  
> Tumblr: queerenteen


	5. Part 4: How do we forgive ourselves for all the things we did not become?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from Doc Luben's '14 lines from Love Letters or Suicide Notes.'  
> .  
> TW: Mention of self-harm (non-graphic, description of old burn scars)

**_A week before the Summer Solstice._ **

* * *

Zuko walked into through the large oak doors of the estate where Azula was being housed. He observed white-robed figures bustling through the gilded hallways, blue bands embellished on their sleeves and collars--healers. 

After the war ended, Iroh had handpicked the best doctors in the Nation to help Azula with the trauma she had suffered over the years. Judging by the warm smiles that they gave him when he passed by, it had been a good decision.

* * *

_"You should talk to them too, Zuko," Uncle suggested carefully, as Zuko quickly scanned through the multiple documents piling up on his desk._

_"I don't have the time," said Zuko when he meant, 'I don't want to.'_

_Uncle had never brought it up again._

* * *

Zuko walked up to Azula's chambers, the package in his hands almost slipping through his fumbling fingers. 

He smoothened the front of his robes--nothing elaborate, he'd even forgone is formal updo and crown. 

Nervously, he knocked. 

Silence. 

He felt the hope deflating in his chest, and he almost laughed at his own naivety. Of course, Azula wouldn't want to see him--she... 

"Come in," said Azula clearly, no trace of the screaming girl spitting fire in the smooth cadence of her voice. 

Zuko opened the door. 

Azula sat in front of a mirror, carefully brushing the ink strands of her hair. She set down the comb and slid a bejewelled pin to keep them from falling into her face.

In her silken robes with her hair falling past her shoulders and a small smile on her face Azula looked like the fifteen-year-old she was about to turn into. 

"Zuzu," she said, and for the first time in years, there was no malice in the word. 

"Zula," he said, for the first time in years, the word almost rusty with disuse. 

"I was just about to make some tea," she said and Zuko couldn't reconcile the person standing in front of him to the one who shot lightning at him a little less than a year ago. 

"You caught me at a good time," said Azula, setting a small kettle on the stove and using spark rocks to start a fire. 

The prodigy had given up her bending and it was surreal to see her use fire in such a mundane way.

"I don't have my training today," she continued, unscrewing a jar and adding tea leaves in the boiling water, allowing it to steep. "Master Piando gave me the day off." 

"You're learning swordsmanship?" asked Zuko a bit incredulously. 

"Technically it's swordswomanship," said Azula. "Piando said that I'll be making my own blades on my birthday." 

"Wait, blades?" said Zuko, a small smile on his face. Azula laughed and he momentarily forgot the past. For the moment, he was not the Fire Lord and she was not the crown princess. 

They were just two siblings, taking delight in each others company after a long period of separation. 

Azula poured the tea, and Zuko could smell the jasmine in the wafting steam. "Yes, blades. Duel _katanas_ , to be precise." 

"I take Piando told you about my own training under him," said Zuko, taking a sip of the tea. It was _good_ , just the right amount of subtle sweetness and flavour. 

"Yes. It's been... Hard," said Azula, and her expression darkened. It was the first crack in her calm veneer and Zuko was surprised when she shook it off and continued. "But this has helped me vent." 

It was astonishing how similar they were, down to the dual blades and sparring to take out frustration. 

"What about you?" Azula asked, and Zuko was surprised that she had. She never used to care about it before. 

"Well the preparations for the Summer Solstice are going well," said Zuko carefully. Azula gave no reaction other than a nod for him to continue. 

"For the first time in a hundred years, people from all nations will be coming to Caldera to celebrate." 

"Is Ty Lee coming?" asked Azula, almost neutrally but there was a traitorous tremor in her voice. "And Mai?" 

"They're both coming with the Kyoshi Warriors next week," said Zuko, "Along with representatives from all the other nations." 

"So you're friends are coming," said Azula, taking a drink from her cup. There was no bite in her words, only observation. 

"Yes," said Zuko warily. Azula reached forward to pour more tea into her cup and her sleeve slipped back, revealing her arm. 

Zuko froze. Covering her pale skin were shiny marks, concentric burns surrounded her wrist--almost unnoticeable if one didn't pay enough attention. 

Azula looked up, and there was defiance in her gold eyes. Just like that the moment was gone, replaced with familiar tension. But this time instead of drawing in fear and hate, Zuko's anger stemmed from something he hadn't thought about in a long time. 

Before Zuko could say something he knew he would regret later, he handed her the parcel with a curt, 'Happy Birthday' and walked out, closing the door quietly behind him. 

He walked as fast as he could without appearing as if he was fleeing, but even then some heads turned at his sudden departure. 

He got into the carriage and once they were off, he buried his head in his hands, breathing uneven, in his head, Ozai harshly said, " _You will learn respect. Suffering will be your teacher_ ," over and over again. 

Then he thought of Uncle with his careful hands, cleaning the burn meticulously so the infection wouldn't set in, and whispered under his breath, " _I should have protected you, Prince Zuko_ ," as a lone tear slid down his cheek.

Zuko clenched his hands into fists, nails biting into his palms and replaced Ozai's voice with Iroh's. 

He leaned his head against the windowpane and let happier memories of the Jasmine Dragon in Ba Sing Se, the Western Air Temple and even Ember Island fill up his mind. 

* * *

Azula sat back as she fiddled with the wrapping of the package. 

" _Throw it in the fire,_ " whispered a voice in her head. She still wasn't sure to whom it belonged to--herself or her father. She didn't know which option was worse. 

" _How can Zuko barge into your life after putting you in this asylum_ \--" the word was filled with such repulsion and disgust--" _You're so much more powerful, and he is the Fire Lord?"_

"No," said Azula aloud, through grit teeth. She breathed in and out, slow and deliberate like her therapist Mei Ling had taught her. 

She opened it, even if it was just to spite the voice inside her head. 

Inside was a lacquered box and when she opened the lid it was filled to the brim with sheaves of paper, ink and paints--red as the colour of the sky that bled over the lake at sunset, yellow like beams of sunlight, ink as dark as charcoal black. 

She ran her finger over one of the brushes. The bristles were soft and supple--sable-hare brushes. 

"You remembered," said Azula softly, closing the box carefully. 

She had almost forgotten, how much she loved to hold a brush between her fingers and create something on the papers. 

She'd been six when her father decided it was a waste of her time and made her train even more in the art of bending. 

_"Why do you need to learn these... frivolous things," Ozai had said with a sneer when she hadn't found her supplies one morning._

_Azula bit back the indignation that she just wanted to paint Ty Lee; she knew better than to say such things._

_He handed her a pair of gauntlets--thick and leathery, the kind that amateurs used when they began to learn advanced katas._

_"You have better things to do 私の天才 (Watashi no tensai)"--my prodigy._

She hadn't thought about painting in years. 

But Zuko remembered. 

She smiled a bit as she placed the lacquered box on the table. She pulled out a pair of leather gloves--not the same pair as years ago, but her father had given them to her so they would have to do.

She tugged them on and set a sheet of paper on the table along with the palette as she poured out some paint. She'd have to get an easel soon but for the moment it was enough.

Azula discarded her outer robe and pulled back her hair into a ponytail, and she painted.

She painted till the black leather gloves were stained and smeared with paint. She painted till a picture emerged, the pond that her window overlooked--clear blue water surrounded with smooth grey stones and wildflowers--vibrant brushstrokes of paint.

When she finished, she sat back and took a sip of her tea--it was cold and there was a fleeting thought to warm it with her palms--to use the fire burning inside.

But there was no inferno blazing in her chest and Azula closed her eyes, disappointment crashing down on her. 

She could hear a voice in her head praising, " _Very good, 私の武器 (Watashi no buki)"--my weapon, as lightning arced from her fingertips._

"I am not a weapon," snarled Azula, looking down at her trembling paint-covered hands and the painting she had made. The water of the pond was calm and serene, the flora rich and alive. 

Her hands were hers, and while she had been raised her entire life believing they were nothing but parts of a deadly mechanism, she had used them to paint something peaceful.

She put the kettle back on the stove and heated her tea, and her hands had stopped shaking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (The language used for the Fire Nation is Japanese)  
> I promise that the next chapter will have a lot of Sokka and Zuko.  
> I really wanted to make it more realistic and this story is about healing and the Gaang are a huge part of that for Zuko.  
> Also, this was a good day for Azula. The redemption is going to take a while because she didn't wake up one day and decide to be better.  
> It's a long and complicated process and I hope I can do it justice.


	6. Part 5: Burning Cities, Napalm Skies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from 'Ocean eyes' by Billie Eilish, which I feel perfectly describes Zuko talking about Sokka.  
> .  
> TW: This chapter features drinking (no underage, the age limit is sixteen.)

Zuko woke up before dawn on the Summer Solstice. He faced east, the sky tinged with pink and purple, as he began the 太陽への挨拶 ( _Taiyō e no aisatsu_ ) [salutation to the sun] like his mother had taught him--slowly rising to on his toes, stretching his hands over his head and feeling every muscle in his body relaxing with the familiar movements.

* * *

_"We must honour the source of life and power," said Ursa, as she gently shifted his arm to correct his posture. Azula stood next to him, struggling to find the fluidity in her movement the way Zuko and Ursa did._

_A small part of him was delighted that he had mastered it sooner than she had, but when Azula stumbled as she began the next movement, he caught her by the wrist, pulling her up._

_No matter how much they tried, neither of them could muster up grace the way Ursa did, the way she moved was like a breath of wind._

_"Why are you teaching them this, Ursa?" said Ozai when he saw them, practising in the gardens._

_Ursa was rarely confrontational but she lifted her chin and said, "Some traditions are there for a reason Prince Ozai."_

_"It is important that they learn, brother," said Iroh, placing a placating hand on Ozai's shoulder. Lu Ten ran over as soon as he saw Zuko and Azula, adjusting his stance so he could practice with them._

_"We rise with the sun," said Lu Ten, helping Azula with her position, making her move her leg behind so her weight was equally balanced. "We must thank it for the blessing it has given us."_

_"That's correct Lu Ten," said Iroh, coming up from behind and ruffling his son's hair. "Well done."_

_Zuko closed his eyes as he lifted himself by his hands, arching his back. He couldn't remember the last time his father had given him even a passing word of praise._

* * *

Zuko sat at the throne, the flames towering high and the first rays of the sun filtered in through the stained glass on the ceiling.

He hated the place, it reminded him of his father and his grandfather--whose desire for power had wrecked all four nations, and forced himself to grit his teeth and let the Fire Sages run flicks of holy fire over his skin with the thought, "One day, I will demolish this room," playing over and over in his mind.

When the ritual was completed, Zuko stood, head held high and the rightful crown placed in his hair as the council and nobles present in the throne room chorused, "彼は一万年の間支配するかもしれません." _(Kare wa ichi man-nen no ma shihai suru kamo shiremasen)_ [May he reign for ten thousand years]

He bit the inside of his cheek to prevent himself from flinching at the words.

* * *

Zuko finished tying his hair up and slid the crown in when he heard the shouting from outside his room. "What do you mean the Fire Lord won't see me?! I'm..."

Sokka didn't say anymore because Zuko had opened the door and Sokka practically jumped onto Zuko. The guards instinctively moved into fighting stances and Zuko rolled his eyes as he waved them off.

The guards looked at each other and shrugged before they closed the door again.

"Did Hawkie get the letters to you?" asked Sokka when he finally let go of Zuko. Sokka was dressed in water tribe regalia that had been modified to suit the hot and humid weather in Caldera and Zuko took more time than necessary to answer the question.

"I sent you replies," said Zuko, thinking of the well-worn papers he had placed in the drawer of his desk, the ink smudged from the number of times he had traced the ridges and cliffs of the letters and imagined Sokka's hand carefully writing it.

"Right," said Sokka with a laugh, rubbing the back of his neck. Zuko noticed thick bands of ink on Sokka's bicep that he had failed to mention in any of his letters.

Sokka seemed to realise what a mess he'd made of their clothes and quickly smoothed the wrinkles in his. When Zuko moved to do the same, Sokka casually brushed his hands aside and did it for him.

Was it Zuko's imagination or did Sokka's hand linger as he straightened the lapels of Zuko's robes? 

"You look nice," muttered Sokka and Zuko was too preoccupied with making his heart rate slow down (the comment and proximity to Sokka did _not_ help) and all he could murmur was a 'thank you,' an octave too high.

Sokka's smile was a brilliant and magical thing, Zuko felt as if being close to Sokka sent rivulets of molten gold in his very being, mending the broken pieces and making him feel whole.

_("Look Zuko," said Iroh, holding up a teapot which had fallen from his hands and broken into pieces. Iroh had carefully melted a small block of gold and gently pieced the pot back together--gold lines stark against the dark ceramic._

_"It looks beautiful," breathed Zuko, cradling the teapot delicately in his hands, afraid that he would break it again._

_"Just because something was broken doesn't mean it cannot be fixed, and be more beautiful for it," said Iroh wisely, placing his hand on Zuko's shoulder.)_

"Sparky!" shouted Toph, slamming the door open. This time the guards didn't even move to stop her--it was her room as much as it was Zuko's.

"Snoozles, where is the water tribe ambassador?" asked Toph, and Zuko wondered when he stopped being surprised that Toph remembered all these small intricacies and he didn't. 

Over the past few months, Toph was the person he trusted most and since they spend all their time stuck together in Caldera Palace, she not only was the world's greatest earthbender who was the Fire Lord's trusted friend but also simultaneously his most trusted advisor who could point out lies within a single breath.

Everything that he did also went through her.

It wasn't uncommon that they spent evenings holed up in Zuko's study, him reading out whatever new law had to be approved and Toph recommending changes--life in high society with the best tutors ("In everything _other_ than earthbending"), travelling with the Avatar all over the world and defeating Ozai's airship fleet made her _passingly qualified_ in the eyes of some of Zuko's council members.

"Um..." said Sokka, not looking either of them in the eye, fiddling with his choker. "Katara didn't tell you?"

"Spit it out," said Toph, decking him in the arm. Sokka yowled and jumped away. 

"Why?" asked Sokka mournfully as he rubbed his arm.

"Talk or I'll actually hit you," said Toph, menacingly cracking her knuckles.

"That wasn't actually... never mind," said Sokka, knowing he would never win an argument or fight with Toph. He pulls out a crumpled scroll and handed it over to Zuko.

Zuko unfurled it and read, and his brain could not comprehend the implications of the letter's content.

"Who is it?!" said Toph impatiently, tightening her hands into fists.

"It's me!" said Sokka finally, backing away from Toph.

Zuko didn't know how to reply, unable to fully comprehend the implications that this declaration brought. The fact that Sokka would actually _live_ in the Palace, and Zuko would see him _daily,_ made his brain feel like it had been shot with lightning.

"They allowed a sixteen-year-old to become an ambassador in the crucial time for reparations and peacemaking?" said Toph skeptically.

"Hey!" said Sokka, affronted. "Zuko is the _Fire Lord_ and he's only a few months older than I am."

Toph rolled her eyes, grabbed them both by the elbow and pulled them away as she said, "We have to go."

"When did Toph become responsible?" asked Sokka once she had let them both go as they walked to the meeting room to meet dignitaries from different nations.

"Not completely," said Zuko. "She just likes bossing me around. And now, by extension, you."

"That's more like it."

* * *

The Fire Sages speeches took _far_ too much time, and Zuko mentally cursed the person who was in charge of seating because he ended up between Chief Arnook, who clearly thought that Zuko had no business to run a Nation (though he was unsure if it had to do with his age or his father), and King Kuei and his _bear,_ Bosco. 

Who allowed a bear in the Palace?!

Zuko tried to remain calm by taking deep breaths and consoling himself with the fact that his friends were suffering through the speeches and awkward seating too.

Aang was next to Kuwei and therefore Bosco, who kept trying to lick Aang's face. If Zuko paid close attention he noticed the urge to start laughing amidst his calm facade.

Sokka and Katara though together looked like they were about to fall asleep out of sheer boredom. 

Suki was standing on guard around the periphery along with Mai, Ty Lee and the other Kyoshi warriors, but they also seemed to be affected by the mind-numbing power of the speeches.

Toph played the _'I'm blind'_ card and was out of sight before anyone could stop her. (It wasn't like anyone _could_ stop her).

When it was _finally_ over Zuko thanked _Agni, Tui and La,_ whichever deity had made the torture cease and politely excused himself before he went to find his friends at the banquet.

"When's the fun beginning, Sparky?" asked Toph, appearing from nowhere and latching onto his arm. 

"Give it a minute," said Zuko, picking up a glass full of plum wine, keeping it out of Toph's reach as he downed it in one go.

Toph grumbled 'fine' before she asked, "I assume you're a lightweight?" 

"I spent three years at sea, what do you think?" said Zuko, handing Toph some watermelon juice. She scowled once she realised what it was. 

"How come I don't get any?" she complained, trying to sneak one shot off the passing trays but Zuko diverted her away.

"I'm of age," said Zuko, ignoring the face that Toph made at him. "You, are not."

Zuko was saved from a punch on his arm by someone in Kyoshi Warrior garb and face paint throwing herself at him. 

"Zuko!" shouted Ty Lee excitedly. Everything about her was as bubbly and bright as ever and it made him smile. "I'm so happy that we get to stay here again. Kyoshi Island was great, but there's no place like Caldera City."

Before Zuko could ask what that was all about Katara spotted them and brought Aang and Sokka with her as she said, "I already spoke to Suki. The Kyoshi Warriors will be handling the security from now on."

Zuko opened his mouth to protest but Katara's glare was as cold as an Arctic Draught as she said, "Unless you want to be encased in a block of ice, don't argue."

Zuko wisely shut up.

It felt nice, to be together with all his friends again; they hadn't all been in the same place since the Jasmine Dragon after Zuko's coronation.

He smiled as Suki and Toph began to talk about how the bean curd puffs tasted just like they did back in the Earth Kingdom, Ty Lee and Mai relishing the fire flakes (the ones in Caldera were unbeatable), Aang looking slightly nauseated behind Katara's back as she and Sokka mentioned sea prune stew.

The sun had turned westward and as the crowds began to lose interest in things other than food and drink, Zuko, Mai and Ty Lee turned to each other in sync, the same thought in their minds. 

"Did you stash the plainclothes?" asked Mai, and Zuko nodded while the rest look confused.

"What..." began Sokka but Ty Lee cut him off as she said, "Mai you take Suki, Katara and Aang through the Western Exit, Zuko, Toph, Sokka and I'll come through the garden."

Mai nodded and while the others were still unsure of what was happening, they gamely followed.

Zuko saw Iroh, who'd arrived in the morning for the Solstice, give him a smile and small wave that told Zuko that he'd handle things in the Palace in Zuko's absence.

Zuko nodded back, gratefulness flooding through him.

As they made their way through the gardens, Toph and Sokka couldn't stay quiet any longer.

"What are we..." said Sokka while at the same time Toph said, "Why the..." before Zuko shushed them.

They reached the back wall and there was a small trap door that led out of the Palace, the handle rusty from disuse.

"Toph, please do the honours," said Zuko, stepping aside.

Toph grinned as she cracked her knuckles and the doorway fell apart with one swift stroke. Once they were out, Toph sealed the doorway and Zuko motioned them to the abandoned guards' cabin.

The others were already inside and had changed into more incognito disguises, all in fire nation red.

Zuko pulled out his own set and slipped into the adjoining bathroom to change.

Once he had his crown and robes tucked into the knapsack and the hood of his robes to cover his scar, he walked out to see that everyone was already done.

Suki, Mai and Ty Lee and wiped off their face paint, Aang was wearing a long-sleeved robe with its hood up and a headband to cover up his tattoos, Toph had tied her hair into a topknot for unknown reasons, Katara had begrudgingly changed her mother's necklace for a red and gold one.

And Sokka, he'd removed hair tie holding up his wolf tail and had left his hair open, the strands falling over his face--framing his brilliant eyes.

Zuko quickly looked away, glad of the hood so the blood rushing to his face and tingeing his cheeks wouldn't be visible.

"Do you think the Ember Island Players still put up a play?" said Ty Lee excitedly as they snuck out. Everyone other than Mai groaned. 

Ty Lee and Mai looked at each other--confused, before turning back to the rest of them.

"We saw a play based on our lives that they put up," said Aang. "It was..."

"So so bad," said Sokka, with a moan and Zuko had forgotten how unsteady he felt in Sokka's presence, the sound making him bite his tongue and raised the hair at the back of his neck.

"No, it wasn't," said Toph with a smug laugh. 

"Fine," said Katara. " _Other_ than Toph everyone hated the way they portrayed us."

"They killed me off," said Aang quietly and Katara put an arm around his shoulders to comfort him.

"Me too," said Zuko flatly. "And they got my scar on the wrong side. And don't even get me started on..."

He and Katara simultaneously shuddered.

"Now I want to see it," said Mai, pointing at one of the posters plastered on the wall with:

**The Ember Island Players Present: _The Boy in the Iceberg (Revamped)_**

"Maybe it will be better this time," said Aang, somehow ever the optimist.

"Come on Zuko," said Mai looping her arm through his while Ty Lee had her hand on Mai's waist. "It'll be fun."

For a moment he remembered a time before his mother left, Azula hadn't hated him on principle, and his face was still unmarked; when Azula used to be with them as they wandered the streets on the Solstice, high on laughter, fireworks and candy.

"I miss her too," said Ty Lee, under her breath so only Mai and Zuko heard her.

He was about to tell them about his visit when Sokka gasped.

"It's beautiful," said Sokka, running his fingers down the smooth edge of the blade. "It's not Space Sword but..."

"That's a piece that Master Piando made," said the shopkeeper, promoting his wares. "No sword can compare to his."

"It's not right for you," said Zuko, pulling Sokka away after he thanked the shopkeeper for his time.

"Why not?" asked Sokka indignantly but Zuko noticed that he hadn't pulled his hand away.

"Firstly, you found Space Sword."

"I can have more than one Mister Dual Blade!"

"It was too heavy," said Zuko. "You need something light, double-edged and strong, like a good longsword."

"Why do you need swords when I can bend it away?" said Toph offhandedly.

"Excuse me?" said Mai.

"She's the world's greatest earthbender," chorused Aang, Katara, Sokka and Zuko at once.

Toph looked pleased. "I have trained you well, my acolytes."

"That's not what acolytes..." began Aang, but Sokka dragged him into the theatre before he could finish.

"This is oddly familiar," said Suki as they made their way to the backseat.

"I get before when were on Ember Island we had to sit in the nosebleeds," said Toph grumpily. "But now, Sparky come on!"

"I refuse to be seen here," said Zuko, pulling his hood even lower.

"I'm going to go get some fire gummies," said Sokka. "Anyone wants anything."

Turns out everyone wanted everything so Sokka and Zuko went and came back with their arms laden just as the curtains rose.

* * *

_"They still got the scar wrong," complained Zuko when stage-Zuko entered the play._

_"I had forgotten how bad the ponytail was," said Katara with a laugh._

_"It was called a phoenix tail and it was fine," lied Zuko, ignoring the real reason why he was forced to shorn his hair._

_"Maybe it was before I went into the iceberg," said Aang and Sokka hid his grin behind a bowl of fire flakes._

* * *

_"At least a guy is playing me this time," said Aang, munching on fire flakes as stage-Aang messed up the basic moves of airbending._

* * *

_"You look great as a Kyoshi Warrior," said Zuko in a way that was supposed to be casual but he wasn't sure if it sounded like that._

_"Thanks," said Sokka, looking away quickly as stage-Suki easily defeated stage-Sokka._

* * *

_"I can't believe this part is still here," said Katara, mortified as stage-Katara and stage-Jet were locked in a passionate embrace._

_"Been there," said Zuko indifferently as Mai snickered._

_"What?" said Sokka as stage-town was saved from flooding by stage-Sokka's plan._

_"You'll see," said Mai conspiratorially._

* * *

_Zuko and Katara held Sokka's hands as they watched stage-Yue sacrifice herself for the stage-moon spirit._

* * *

_"Yes!" shouted Toph as stage-Toph made an appearance. "Buff guy is still playing me!"_

* * *

_"Huh," said Zuko as stage-Zuko and stage-Iroh arrived as refugees in Ba Sing Se. "They missed it."_

* * *

_"Hey!" said Ty Lee as stage-Ty Lee danced around chi-blocking Dai Li. "How do you think I would look in a tutu?"_

_"Stunning," said Mai as stage-Mai took down a Dai Li agent with a well-placed knife._

* * *

_"Azula's not crazy," said Zuko quietly as stage-Zuko and stage-Azula fought while stage-Zuko was back in the stage-palace._

_Sokka leaned over so that Zuko could place his head against his shoulder, pointedly ignoring the way Katara looked at him._

* * *

_"Do all of us have alter-egos?" said Aang as stage-Katara donned the Painted Lady dress._

_"Wang Fire," said Sokka, rubbing his chin. "How may I help you?"_

_"Kuzon Fire," piped up Aang while Katara chuckled and said, "Sapphire Fire. I had almost forgotten._

_"I don't want to know," whispered Suki and Zuko laughed._

* * *

_"You had done the right thing," said Mai, as stage-Zuko redirected the lightning stage-Ozai sent after the eclipse ended._

* * *

_"Combustion man," said Sokka as stage-Sokka took him down with stage-Boomerang. "How did he shoot fire with his head?"_

* * *

_"Thank you," said Sokka as stage-Mai prevented the stage-guards from cutting the cables at the stage-Boiling Rock._

_Mai nodded as she said, "I did what I had to do to save the people I love," as stage-Ty Lee saved stage-Mai from stage-Azula._

* * *

_"What!?" shouted Katara as stage-Zuko got shot by lightning, got up and defeated stage-Azula all by himself as stage-Katara just stood in the background. "That's not how it happened!"_

_Zuko smirked. "They don't know that."_

* * *

_"That may have been the best moment of my life," said Suki as stage-Suki, stage-Sokka and stage-Toph took turns to kick stage-Ozai, whose bending had been taken away by stage-Aang._

* * *

"I guess that's it," said Zuko, getting up after the curtains fell, closing the play with his coronation. 

"Much better than the first one," said Aang as they exited the theatre.

"It was fine," said Katara, miffed at how the final _Agni Kai_ scene had gone.

Sokka had picked up the play programs for all of them as mementoes and was distributing them when Mai made them follow her through the twisted Calderan streets she knew like the back of her hand.

She led them up to an old villa at the base of the mountain, surrounded by evergreen trees and flittering butterbees and sparrow-keets. 

"My parents used to live here," she said, pulling a key out of her sleeves. "The view is great and bonus, no one's here to irritate us."

"Is the cellar in the same place?" asked Zuko and Mai nodded. He dragged Ty Lee with him as Mai lead the others up to the rooftop.

* * *

"The sunset on the Solstice is always the most beautiful," said Zuko as he and Ty Lee came back with trays filled with glass and bottles.

Aang was just sorting through the street food they'd got on the way, trying to find a vegetarian option when Zuko handed him a tray full of confiture, syrups and sparkling water. 

Aang's eyes lit up as he examined the labels on the bottles and Zuko sometimes forgot that the most powerful person in the world was also just boy.

Zuko poured himself some sorghum liquor and watched as Aang deftly mixed things in glasses to make something he decided to call 'cherry-berry lemonade'.

"Aren't you a bit too young for that?" asked Katara as she eyed Mai and Ty Lee picked up the bottle of sorghum.

"The legal age is sixteen," said Ty Lee passing the bottle to Suki. 

"It's not in the water tribe?" asked Suki as she sipped her plum wine.

"We didn't really have an age in the South," said Sokka, taking the bottle. "Usually the parents just decided. Considering during the war the southern water tribe was just one small village we didn't really need these laws."

Zuko closed his eyes, guilt washing over him and he downed the contents of his glass in one swift gulp.

The burn did nothing to numb the discomfort and pain.

"It's not your fault," said Sokka, scooting closer so that they wouldn't be overheard.

Zuko let out a bitter laugh. "Do you remember how we first met?"

Sokka shifted even closer, till his shoulder brushed against Zuko's. It was really unfair, Zuko couldn't focus on his righteous guilt--all he could think of was how sensitive the skin where Sokka's skin touched his felt, the blue of his eyes.

Blue had become Zuko's favourite colour. It was a wonder how much blue there was the world once he looked for it. The jacaranda flower bunches in the gardens, showering petals whenever the wind became strong. After the rains, a sky so blue that it hurt to look at. The waves that lapped against the island shores. Butterfly pea flowers, and the way their pigment diffused in water, like an inky dye.

But none of those could even compare to Sokka's eyes.

There was no other colour in the world quite like it--nothing could ever be that bright.

"It's your terrible ancestors' fault," said Sokka, rubbing comforting circles over Zuko's back. "But you've done so much. Not just for the Southern Water Tribe but every single nation is better because you are the Fire Lord."

Zuko leaned into his touch, the feeling of being cared about washing over him like honey--rich and sweet. "Maybe you're right."

"Damn right I am," said Sokka, preening when Zuko laughed.

The sunset was beautiful--the colours more rich and vivid than any other day, and Zuko watched as they bled over the sky.

"It's stunning," said Sokka, and Zuko looked at him--doused in the evening light, skin gleaming with colour and casting shadows, the sharp planes and angles of his face were thrown in relief.

"Yes, it is," agreed Zuko, but he wasn't talking about the sunset.

* * *

"Let's play a game," said Aang once the sun had set over the horizon, and everyone was bored enough that they agreed.

"So the warriors used to do this team-building exercise," said Suki, swivelling her wine glass expertly. "We used to ask each other questions and the other person _had_ to answer."

There was an unspoken consensus that they would not bring up the hard parts of living life in a war.

"I'll go first," said Suki, and turned towards Zuko who internally began to panic. "What did you mean when you said 'been there' while we were watching the play?"

"Uh..."  
"Yeah, I was wondering why you said that," mused Katara.

Mai, like the good friend she was, cackled. "You have to answer," she said.

"Fine," grumbled Zuko, taking a swing directly from the bottle. "The Jet and Katara thing?"

Katara looked embarrassed even at the mention.

"I don't blame you. That guy is one smooth talker."

Sokka was the first person to piece it together. "No..." he said, as it dawned upon him. "You can't be serious?"

Zuko grimaced, remembering how easily he had fallen for the deviant grin and rugged confidence. "Unfortunately, I am."

"Why? What's so great about Jet?" said Sokka, looking like he was considering jumping from the balcony. 

"I'm confused," said Aang as Toph almost fell over with laughter.

"Twinkletoes, Katara and Zuko had their first kiss with the same guy. This is golden."

Sokka looked sick. 

"I was in a weird place," defended Zuko. "I was on my way to Ba Sing Se as a refugee, and he was just there. Plus, his dual hook swords were amazing."

"Is that supposed to be an innuendo?" said Ty Lee to Mai and Zuko sputtered.

"I meant _literal swords!"_

"I didn't know you liked guys," said Katara curiously.

Zuko shrugged. "Gender never mattered to me."

"But _Jet_?" said Sokka and Toph laughed.

"He has a thing for swordsmen? Swordswomen? Swordspeople. Hey, Sokka you fit the bill."

Zuko stubbornly refused to look at Sokka's expression.

"Since you made me spill my guts, I think it's fair that everyone fesses up."

"It is," said Suki. "Mine was with Chen--she's a Kyoshi Warrior too."

"Yue," said Sokka, fondly gazing up at the sky.

"Jet," admitted Katara, still slightly ashamed of the fact.

"Katara," said Aang simply.

"Zuko," said Mai, sipping her drink.

"Azula," said Ty Lee, not realising how everyone's jaw dropped open.

"Azula?" said Zuko and even Mai looked surprised. 

"Yeah?" said Ty Lee, squirming away from the attention. "I used to like her. She liked me. We never told anyone because..."

"Ozai," snarled Mai, and Zuko wilted at the name.

"Good to know that I'm disappointing him in all fields of life," said Zuko with a cutting laugh.

"No one," said Toph suddenly.

"What?" asked Suki kindly.

"I've never kissed anyone because I've never liked anyone," said Toph plainly.

"The monks always said that love comes in many forms," said Aang sagely. "It is neither bound to any particular kind nor conformed by gender."

"That's beautiful," said Suki and Zuko agreed.

* * *

They snuck back into the Palace as fireworks burst in the sky--sparks blooming in the night, after gorging themselves at the Carnival.

Zuko could still hear the Tsungi horn playing in the background as he fell onto the bed, utterly exhausted. 

Wordlessly, they all collapsed next to him. Toph curled up at his side, Sokka is next to him. Katara and Aang slept on the left side, Suki sandwiched between Toph and them while Mai and Ty Lee were on the right.

The Fire Lord's bed was large enough that they all fit easily.

It was the best sleep Zuko had in years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The 'Salutation to the Sun' that Zuko does, in the beginning, is based off Surya Namaskar from yoga.  
> .  
> Sorry it took so long to post, my exams are coming up so, unfortunately, it may take longer for the updates.  
> Also, the comments mean so much to me--they really provide a lot of motivation to keep writing more.


	7. Part 6: The world is changed because you are made of ivory and gold

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from the Oscar Wilde quote: "The world is changed because you are made of ivory and gold. The curves of your lips rewrite history."  
> Also, I ended up deleting the first 2k words of this (thankfully got it back within a day with some shenanigans) but later released ctrl+z would have saved me the effort. (*facepalms*)  
> .  
> Holy shit, over a hundred kudos.  
> All the comments make me so, so happy, thank you so much. <3  
> .  
> TW: Self-harm--a description of breaking a mirror with bare hands

When Sokka woke up he was considerably colder than he was when he had gone to sleep. He reached out and the bed next to him is cool to touch. 

_Zuko._

He opened his eyes and only then did he notice the tangle of limbs spread around him. Mai was sleeping next to him, Ty Lee's head against her stomach, Mai's fingers in her hair. It was so intimate--the way they curled up around each other and the small smiles on their faces, that he quickly looked away.

Toph had her head rested against Suki's knees and her feet were draped over Sokka's ankles. Katara and Aang were facing each other, enclosing space like two parentheses.

Sokka carefully moved Toph's feet and as he got up she muttered, "He's in the courtyard."

"Thanks," whispered Sokka, sliding off the bed and picking up Space Sword and Boomerang from the pile on the chaise where they had deposited weaponry the night before.

He quickly tied his usual wolftail and changed into training clothes in his own quarters (a room that was far too big and right next to Zuko's) before slipping out.

The early morning sunlight painted the world gold as the robin-wrens chirped. Sokka halted in his tracks when he saw Zuko, wielding his dual swords with frightening precision, the blades singing as they sliced through the air. 

"You're up early," said Zuko commented, lifting his shirt to wipe the sweat dripping down his face. Sokka quickly looked away, knowing that he would ogle otherwise.

"Want to do some swordbending, jerkbender?" asked Sokka, already adjusting his stance.

Zuko smirked. It was strange, Zuko was normally endearingly awkward but when it came to duelling, he was ridiculously confident.

It was discerning but in a good way, the easy curl of his grin and the gold of his eyes shining.

"Bring it on."

Sokka liked to think he was a warrior--he'd fought beside the Avatar, learned from Master Piando and even brought down the Fire Nation air fleet. 

But Zuko was another class of warrior all together. 

Aang mentioned that in the Fire Nation school they weren't allowed to dance. That was a lie--the grace and elegance by which Zuko moved were far superior to the Ba Sing Se Waltz, the fluidity and speed of his blades unparalleled.

But no matter how pretty Sokka thought that Zuko looked while fighting, he wasn't going to back down easily.

While he didn't have the dancer's rhythm, he had spent his entire life following fundamental of predator or prey. The South Pole with its pure white snow, hiemal sea and Southern Lights was brutal to its inhabitants: food was scarce in the tundra and the temperatures were freezing all year round.

Sokka had learned to fish when he was six, catching halibut and cuttlefish that were far too large and ended up dragging him into the sea with them. He'd return home wet and miserable, his mother would tell him to change and sit in front of the fire while Katara snuggled up next to him--but she would always make him go back the next day.

His father had taught him how to hunt and by the time he was nine he could catch snow rats in a well-laid trap, and gut fish that he and Katara would catch.

At ten, when his father and sister were paralysed by grief, he was the one who went and fished and hunted every single day so that they would not starve. When Hakoda left for war, while Katara would try to help as much as she could, he didn't want her to take the burden. So he had fought for them all.

He step-sided Zuko's lunge and quickly struck, but Zuko deflected his strike with ease. They didn't go easy on each other, Zuko almost tore open Sokka's forearm and Sokka slashed at Zuko's thigh but Zuko pivoted quickly and jabbed. Sokka retreated and almost fell backwards in his haste.

With a flick of his wrist, Zuko sent Space Sword spiralling out of Sokka's hands. He didn't anticipate that as he brought the tip of the sword towards Sokka's neck, Sokka would pull Boomerang out of its sheath and throw it. 

Zuko, who had learned from his mistakes, ducked as Sokka leapt to his feet and caught Boomerang in his outstretched hand.

Both of them stood there, waiting, their chests falling up and down with their heavy breaths.

There was a palpable tension present and as Sokka picked up Space Sword, it felt that it could be cut by the sharp edge of the blade.

"Good match," said Sokka, putting the Sword back in its sheath.

"Yeah," said Zuko, rubbing the back of his neck. "Good match."

* * *

"So the main trade route would be between Harbour City and Caldera," said Zuko, as he and Sokka peered over a map in Zuko's study.

"Yeah," said Sokka, before eating a handful of crab puffs than they'd set on the table.

"The steamships can stop over here," said Zuko, pointing to a ria not too far away from the Southern City. "This can serve as a port and the vessels that will transport goods to the Southern Water Tribe would be sailboats."

"Thank you," said Sokka, relief welling in him. "The black snow..."

Zuko looked away from him and back at the documents, his brow furrowing. "I understand. I won't let it happen again."

"Are you okay?" asked Sokka, as Zuko rubbed his eyes wearily for the sixth time in less than fifteen minutes while they were finalising the ria port.

"My eye is bothering me," said Zuko offhandedly gesturing to his left eye--bloodshot and blurry.

"We're done for today," said Sokka, pushing away the papers, and bodily pulling Zuko out of the room.

He led Zuko down to the kitchens where he waved to the sous chef chopping tomato-carrots with frightening speed.

"Hello, Kaito," said Sokka, and Kaito waved in greeting, his eyes fixed on dicing uniform vegetable cubes.

"Evening," said Zuko pleasantly.

Sokka watched as Kaito pointed his chin to an empty counter and said, "Chef Xi has kept noodle soup, dumplings and mochi, and General Iroh brought in a new blend of tea, Fire Lord Zuko."

"Thank you, Kai," said Zuko, making his way through the meandering counter tables with their roaring flames and sharp knives.

Zuko greeted every person in the kitchens, asking Nina about her son, Ren and she happily talked about how he had begun firebending while washing the sudsy dishes, complimenting Niko's tart pies and Rora's smoked sea slug

"The Wagashi Desserts that _Sifu_ Toph asked for will be there at lunch tomorrow," said Aoi, cleaning down her counter and Zuko thanked her with a smile.

Sokka felt a warm feeling spread in his chest as he saw these small interactions, the way that all of the staff clearly liked Zuko and how much effort he had put to make them all feel comfortable.

"Does everyone her call Toph _Sifu_ here?" asked Sokka in a stage-whisper.

"They tried calling her Miss Beifong," said Zuko, grimacing at the memory. "In the end, they all arrived at a compromise."

Zuko pulled out a teapot with gold veins spread through its ceramic structure and Sokka was awed by its beauty.

"This is gorgeous," said Sokka, bending down so that he could see the thin gold lines covering the pot like a web.

"Uncle did that when it broke," said Zuko, starting to stove with a quick breath as he added water to the teapot. "Said that broken things can be fixed and become even more beautiful for the experience."

"Iroh is one wise man," said Sokka as Zuko added ginseng to the boiling water. 

"I know," said Zuko, uncovering the bowls of noodle soup and heating it in his hands before handing one to Sokka.

Sokka unsnapped his chopsticks and ate; the noodles were hot and flavourful but _really_ spicy. Zuko laughed as Sokka stuck his tongue out and panted to alleviate the spice, but handed him a plate of mochi.

"Eat this, it'll help," said Zuko and Sokka stuffed one in his mouth.

"Thanks," he said, once the burning in his mouth had subsided. "You have a really high spice tolerance."

Zuko gave him a look and said flatly, "I am a firebender."

Sokka laughed slightly before he sobered and asked, "Does your eye bother you often? You should talk to Katara before she leaves."

"It's nothing new," said Zuko, as he poured tea into one of the several cups that he had placed on the counter. "When the healers treated it, they said threw around terms like 'corneal scarring' and 'abrasions and opacity'. It's much better now, just burns a bit when I read and exert it too much."

An idea formed in Sokka's mind and he smiled, albeit it was a bit strained, as Zuko handed him a cup before going around and giving a cup to the rest of the staff.

He was beautiful, his porcelain skin and gold eyes, the small smile on his face at the genuine happiness that everyone radiated when he handed them tea. 

Sokka took a bite of his dumpling and observed, glad to have asked his father to send him.

* * *

_"I want to go," said Sokka as soon as Hakoda finished reading out the official letter that the Fire Nation had sent._

_Hakoda didn't look surprised._

_"It's a temporary position," said Sokka, becoming a little unsure. "And I'll be back at the South Pole all the time for diplomatic negotiations and..."_

_"It's okay, Sokka," said his father kindly, placing a hand on his shoulder. "I've always known that you and Katara wouldn't stay here forever--you are meant for greater things."_

_"But rebuilding the tribe--" started Sokka but Hakoda cut him off._

_"Has come so far along, because of the help from the Northern Tribe and Fire Lord Zuko."_

_It was strange--to hear Zuko be called Fire Lord by his father even though both of them had been present for the coronation._

_To Sokka, Zuko would always be the boy with fierce determination and liquid gold eyes, who had helped save his father and Suki from the Boiling Rock, was ridiculously good at duelling and hilariously bad at social interactions which made him say things like ' I'm bushed' and ' that's rough buddy.'_

_"Go," said Hakoda. "You deserve it. I'm so, so proud of you."_

_Sokka had definitely cried after hearing that._

_When he left with Aang and Katara, he leaned over Appa's saddle and watched Harbour City, Bato, Gran-Gran and Hakoda fade away._

_It stung, to leave everything that was so familiar to him. He'd done it before, and that made it a bit easier, but not much._

_He closed his eyes and when he dreamed it was in ivory and gold._

* * *

A week after the Solstice, Aang left for the Southern Air temple alone.

"I need to do this," he said to Katara as he clutched his glider tightly in one hand. 

"You shouldn't go alone," said Zuko and Aang smiled sadly.

"Some demons can only be vanquished by ourselves," said Aang. "I'll be gone for just a few days."

"If you're not back in a week I'll make come and drag you back by the ear, even if that means that I have to steal Zuko's royal airship," threatened Katara and Aang laughed weakly.

"You have a royal airship?" whispered Sokka.

"I do not," said Zuko, just as softly.

All of them hugged Aang goodbye. Katara gave him a quick peck on the lips which left Sokka gagging. Toph slugged Aang's arm so hard that he nearly fell back. Sokka handed him a compass and maps with proper directions so that he wouldn't get lost. ("As if Appa could ever get lost going back there."). Suki gave Kyoshi fans, just in case he needed Kyoshi to save him. ("You know she's the strongest Avatar." "Hey!") Zuko made sure that he had everything he could possibly need. ("I'm going for a week! Why would I need four bundles of fire flakes!")

All of them watched as Aang and Momo flew up onto Appa and with a 'yip-yip' they soon disappeared into the clouds.

* * *

"Can you make glass?" asked Sokka.

"Sure," said Toph cheerily. "Can you breathe fire at 2000 degrees?"

"No..."

"Too bad. We can go to the forges and try something," said Toph, grinning in anticipation. "What do want to make Snoozles? Fragile shells filled with rat-viper venom that will shatter at a certain temperature? Oh, brass knuckles with glass studs for maximum damage?"

"Toph!" said Sokka, concerned for her mental well-being. "Firstly, neither of those are practically possible. Secondly, no, just glasses for Zuko."

"Why would he need glasses?" asked Toph, shaking her head.

"His eye bothers him sometimes," said Sokka, and Toph sighed.

"Snoozles, Sparky accommodates for his vision with his firebending," said Toph, counting off her fingertips, ignoring Sokka's incredulous, "What!"

"Second, go see an ophthalmologist," said Toph and Sokka gaped.

"A what now?"

"An eye doctor," said Toph slowly. "Seriously Snoozles, you spend half your time in the library, what do you do in there?"

"Research," said Sokka offhandedly, thinking of the thick stack of books filled with notes and equations on how to create something to help Zuko. "So they would have spare lenses?"

"Probably," said Toph indifferently. "They never really needed them when my parents took me."

Sokka winced at his boneheadedness. "Sorry."

"I can see better with my feet than you can with your eyes Snoozles," said Toph, but there was no bite to it.

Sokka slung his arm over her shoulders, "I made this new batch of mini dynamite, tied them to a long string and if you set fire to that, you end up bursting around a hundred in one go."

Toph's grin was a maniacal, wicked thing. "Flameo."

* * *

Sokka had taken Toph's advice and had the lenses made from an ophthalmologist according to his calculations. 

Then, he asked Toph to metal bend the frames for him. 

"This is what happens when you help people," grumbled Toph as she crafted slim arms and curving the ends as Sokka told her. 

"It's not like I can ask anyone else to do this for me," said Sokka suggestively. 

"Stop buttering me up," said Toph, but there was a smug smirk on her face as she assembled the frame together. 

* * *

"Zuko?" said Sokka, knocking on the door, the glasses in a case in his other hand. 

Zuko had left to visit Azula as the sun rose over the caldera, while Sokka had peacefully been asleep in his comfy bed (ah, the perks of royal life.) but Sokka knew that he was back. 

"Zuko?" said Sokka more urgently when there was no answer. He placed the case on the side and unsheathed Space Sword from the scabbard down his spine (old habits died hard) as he opened the door. 

The room was empty but the door to the bathroom was cracked open. 

"Zuko?" said Sokka again, fear and adrenaline rushing through his veins with blood as he pushed the door open. 

The first thing he saw was the shards of the mirror strewn all over the tiled floor. 

The next was Zuko, sitting on the floor with his knees drawn up as he blankly looked at his bloody fist. 

"Sokka, what--" Suki, who had been standing outside stopped abruptly. 

"Zuko," said Sokka again, as he felt tears streaming down his face; he felt so helpless, unable to do anything, unable to even make Zuko look at him. 

"Zuko, please." 

"Sokka call Katara," said Suki urgently, carefully kneeling next to Zuko. "And tell the first Kyoshi Warrior you see to send Mai or Ty Lee." 

Sokka ran as fast as he could, told the first person with Kyoshi garb and face paint to send for Mai and Ty Lee, before heading to the turtleduck pond. 

As predicted, Katara stood in the sunlight, weaving chains and ropes from water and ice. She'd come so far in so little time and Sokka would have felt proud if he wasn't so filled with anxiety. 

"Katara," he breathed and when she turned he grabbed her by the wrist and pulled her along. 

"Sokka--" began Katara but sobered when she saw his red-rimmed eyes and tearstreaked cheeks, running in tandem with him. 

When they got back Zuko was sitting on the edge of the bed, his gold eyes were filled with tears as Mai and Ty Lee talked to him in hushed tones. 

The mirror shards had been discarded but Zuko's knuckles were still split and bloodied, small pieces of broken glass embedded in the flesh. 

Katara's breath hitched but she teasingly tutted in disapproval and was rewarded with a weak, watery smile from Zuko. 

Sokka sat on the floor next to him and was surprised when Zuko's uninjured fingers twined with his, as Katara examined his hand. 

She asked Akari, the maid who had been fretfully waiting, to get her a pair of tweezers and a magnifying glass. 

When Akari returned, Katara began to delicately pull out the pieces while Suki held the magnifier. Zuko's fingers tightened against the back of Sokka's hand whenever a piece was plucked out. 

As the final sliver plinked against the steel of the plate containing the glasses which Suki quickly and carefully disposed of it in the wastebasket, Mai asked, "Zuko, what happened?" 

"When is Aang coming back?" he asked hoarsely. 

"By tomorrow," said Katara, not able to comprehend how it related to him breaking the mirror with his bare hands. 

"Good," said Zuko, slumping back in relief. 

"Why?" asked Ty Lee slowly. 

"Azula's bending, he _has_ to give it back," said Zuko fiercely and was met with bewildered expressions. 

"Zuko," said Mai, trying to be reasonable. "Do you really think..." 

" _Yes_. You didn't see her today," said Zuko feverishly. 

"I thought she was okay without her bending," said Ty Lee, kneading her palms, and Sokka was acutely aware of how she felt. 

Was it really that bad to be a non-bender? 

Were Sokka, Mai, Ty Lee and Suki lesser than the others because they couldn't bend? Were they not whole without it? 

"She couldn't feel the sun," said Zuko, a tear trickling down his cheek. "When you grow up feeling the sun rays stoke your inner flame, not feeling _anything_..."

Katara kept quiet, even though her eyes narrowed in suspicion. Sokka had learned long ago that Katara was careful with those whom she loved--she would never let anything harm them. 

_The water hears and understands. The ice does not forgive._

"Katara how did you feel when... During the Northern Siege," amended Zuko furtively, refusing to look at Sokka even though his grip fastened. 

The ice began to thaw. 

"Paralysed," she admitted, understanding washing over her. 

"Tomorrow," whispered Zuko, and it was a promise. 

* * *

Zuko sat on the edge of the shingled rooftop, feet dangling off the gold trim. Sokka stared as the starlight caused his ink hair to shine as it tumbled down his shoulders, the curve and shift of his neck as he swallowed. 

"Hey," said Sokka and Zuko turned back, his irises like the glowing centres of a flame. 

"Hi," said Zuko as Sokka plopped down cross-legged next to him. 

Sokka took Zuko's right hand, and a criss-cross pattern of pale scars decorated his knuckles. Sokka ran a finger over them and Zuko shivered. 

"Why?" asked Sokka softly. 

"Because I so desperately wanted to feel something," said Zuko and Sokka remembered the blank gaze, flat gold eyes, devoid of emotion. 

They sat in silence till a cool breeze blew, causing Sokka to shudder slightly. 

Zuko leaned over and draped his arm over Sokka's shoulders, and the warmth sank into him. Sokka sighed. 

"Didn't you grow up in the South Pole," teased Zuko and Sokka stuck his tongue out at him. 

"Stupid Calderan weather fucked up my system," said Sokka and Zuko raised an eyebrow. "Does my swearing offend your Majesty?" 

Zuko scoffed, "I spent three years on a navy ship. Why does everyone assume I'm so prissy?"

"The ponytail," said Sokka and Zuko gasped in outrage. 

"Heresy," said Zuko, turning away and Sokka laughed. 

"Maybe the fact that you use the word heresy unironically." 

"It's not like I've heard you swear before," said Zuko, turning slightly, causing his hair to cascade in ink waves. 

Sokka gulped. "Katara and Aang don't like it and if I start Toph will never stop. Gran-Gran would just wash my mouth with lye." 

"Uncle would just look disappointed and say 'I expected better from you Prince Zuko'." 

"Then he would make you tea and you would have the talk?" 

"Then he would make me tea and we would have the talk," admitted Zuko miserably. "The talk was so uncomfortable that I probably would have set something on fire just to get away." 

"Arson is never the answer, Prince Zuko," said Sokka, doing a passable impression of Iroh. 

Zuko laughed and Sokka felt like the stars brightened. 

"Did you learn about the constellations?" asked Sokka, remembering the nights he and Katara would spread out on seal pelts and eat seaweed noodles under the night sky, while Kya and Hakoda pointed out the stars. 

* * *

" _And that," Kya said, putting her arm around Sokka and pointing to the bright cluster of stars. "Is the warrior--Ujurak. Do you see the two stars over there? That's his sword."_

_"Why does he need a sword?" Sokka asked, and Kya smiled._

_"He protects us from the Dolphin Pirahna in the sky," said Kya, pointing to the stars that made a vague triangle in the sky. "Do you see its big, sharp teeth?"_

_"Yes!" said Sokka, and buried his face into his mother's side._

_"Don't worry, Kulu," said Kya, pulling him close. "Even if Ujurak doesn't protect you, I will."_

* * *

"No," said Zuko, looking at him with wide gold eyes. "Tell me." 

Sokka tells him about Ujurak and the dolphin piranha, Kenai and her Polar bear dog, Amaruq and Amka, the twins who tamed the snow leopard caribou. 

"That," said Sokka, pointing towards the North Star, "Is Nuniq. They were one of the first waterbenders and they set sail from the Northern Water Tribe to go see the world. After three long years, when Nuniq began their voyage home, they got caught in a terrible storm and got veered off course. 

"Nuniq prayed to Tui and La begged for a way back. That is when the North Star appeared, shining and bright. It was the beacon that guided Nuniq back home." 

Zuko looked at him, such open wonder in his eyes that Sokka felt his cheeks warming. He reached into his pocket and pulled out the case, "Toph said you used firebending to _see_ but I thought..."

He handed it over to Zuko who opened the case and pressed a hand against his mouth. 

" _Oh_." 

"So that your eyes don't hurt when you read," said Sokka lamely. 

"You made this... For me?" said Zuko softly, utterly disbelieving. 

"Who else would I make it for? Momo?" joked Sokka. 

"Not me," said Zuko and Sokka leaned forward to cradle his face in his palm. 

"Zuko," said Sokka. "Look at me."

Zuko did, and under the stars, he was a portrait of ink, ivory and gold. 

"You are the strongest person I know," said Sokka and Zuko laughed incredulously. 

"Sokka, your sister is a master waterbender who's dating the Avatar, Toph is the greatest earthbender and Suki is the leader of the Kyoshi Warriors. And you, you're the one who manages to hold them all together. Without you, we would have never been able to win. You're the strongest person I know," admitted Zuko, all in a single breath. 

Sokka held back tears as he laughed weakly. "Zuko, that's not true. I'm not rebuilding the world. I'm not strong enough to forgive people if they caused me pain in the past, even if they've changed." 

"You forgave me," said Zuko and Sokka cursed him for having reasonable arguments. 

"You helped me break into the highest security Fire Nation Prison on a whim, you're clearly an exception." 

"But still, you've done so much for me. You _invented_ something for me to be able to read clearly--"

"Toph helped a lot." 

"Sokka," said Zuko. "I use people's body temperature to tell how close someone is to me while I'm fighting. Toph may have helped you with the metal, but I have never seen lenses like these, that will help me to read better, something I wouldn't have been able to do by myself. _You made something for me."_

"How could I not?" said Sokka, dangerously close to tears. How could Zuko think that he wasn't deserving of it when he deserved all the good things in the world. 

If Sokka could, he would name the brightest star in the sky after Zuko, so that years later when two different boys sat on rooftops and looked at the stars they would say, "That is named after Fire Lord Zuko. Not for all that he did to bring peace to the world, but for all that he did to light up the lives of those he loved." 

"Sokka," said Zuko carefully, reaching out tuck a stray lock of hair behind his ear, causing Sokka to shiver at the touch. 

Sokka couldn't hold himself back anymore. He'd wanted to it so many times, the possibility was always playing in the back of his head, whenever Zuko's laugh made his breath hitch, his hair fell across his eyes in a way that made Sokka's head spin, the scent of woodsmoke and sandalwood that always seemed to linger on his skin, a smell that Sokka associated with safety and home. 

Sokka leaned forwarded and kissed him. His hands were in Zuko's hair, the strands silken and soft, slipping between his fingers. 

For a moment Zuko didn't react and Sokka was scared that he'd fucked up everything with one stupid, reckless mistake but then Zuko kissed him back and sparks seemed to ignite every nerve ending in his body. 

Zuko was warm and his arms were around Sokka, leaning into him and holding him up at the same time and Sokka kissed him reverently because it was nothing less than holy. 

When they broke apart, Zuko's breath was hot against Sokka's cheek and the fringe of his charcoal lashes tickled Sokka's face. 

"I've wanted to do that for so long," said Zuko and it was a sacred confession. 

Sokka played with the loose strands falling over Zuko's face. "Me too." 

They stayed that way, nestled in each other's arms, stealing kisses and Sokka's fingers were cool against Zuko's almost feverishly skin, his gold eyes filled with wonder as Sokka carefully braided back his hair as Kya had taught him, and Zuko quietly told him the story of the Dragon Emperor that his mother used to tell him in the gold lit darkness of the night, using her flames to cast shadow puppets on the wall as she held Zuko and showed him her old Empress mask, beautiful and lacquered. 

Sokka relished the feeling of Zuko leaning against his shoulder, the warmth of loving and being loved washing over him in waves, Zuko's soft caress over the tattoos on his arms. 

"What do these mean?" he asked, tracing the dark characters on his skin. 

"This is the Southern Tribe's way of commemorating the people we love," said Sokka softly. 

"Who's name is this?" said Zuko, beginning from the first band. 

"That's the Tribe script. It says Kya," said Sokka, his voice a whisper. 

As Zuko traced each name, Sokka said it out loud, "Hakoda, Katara, Kanna, Bato, Aang, Suki, Yue, Toph..." 

"And this?" asked Zuko when Sokka didn't say anything for the last name. 

Sokka took a deep breath before he said, "Zuko."

Zuko inhaled sharply. 

Sokka took his face in his hands and said fiercely, "I love you, so, so much."

Zuko looked like he was about to cry, those beautiful eyes glazed with tears. "I love you too."

Sokka kissed him again and again and they stayed like that till the first rays of daylight bathed them in gold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'Kulu' is an endearment in Inuktitut.  
> The names in the Southern Water Tribe are Inuit names.  
> Also, I added another chapter so that Azula's arc can be better explored.  
> .  
> The quote: "The water hears and understands, the ice does not forgive" is from Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo, one of my favourite books of all time.  
> .  
> Sokka making special glasses for Zuko is based off the quote by Sarah Ruhl:
> 
> "There once was a very great American surgeon named Halsted. He was  
> married to a nurse. He loved her-- immeasurably. One day Halsted  
> noticed that his wife's hands were chapped and red when she came back  
> from surgery. And so he invented rubber gloves. For her. It is  
> one of the great love stories in medicine. The difference between  
> inspired medicine and uninspired medicine is love.  
> When I met Ana, I knew:  
> I loved her to the point of invention.”


	8. Part 7: Whenever you're ready

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from 'Surrender' by Natalie Taylor

Zuko sat with his feet propped up against the headrest of the throne. He only came to the throne room whenever he felt like saying 'fuck you' to his father by sitting on the throne with either his feet thrown over the armrest or like in the current case, sitting upside down.

He was going over the sodomy law that Sozin had passed, grimacing at the crude words and crossing out the things he didn't agree with. The entire document ended up blacked out. 

Zuko tossed it aside with a groan, he'd started writing up new laws, especially for this ever since he had been coronated but he knew whatever he did would be met with backlash.

So he had waited.

He couldn't-- _wouldn't_ wait any longer.

"Zuko," said Suki as she came in the room, face painted and in armour even though it was barely dawn. 

"Help," he said, sitting semi-upright, and handing her the draft for the removal of Sozin's law, making room so that she could sit beside him.

She sat next to him, slinging her foot over the armrest and read through it. "Sozin was an asshole."

" _Agni_ , yes. He would hate me."

"Good. Spite your homophobic ancestor and repeal this law yesterday."

"It's not that simple," said Zuko with a sigh. "The Council and Fire Sages will think that I did it for my own personal gain."

"But you are doing it for your own personal gain," said Suki, waggling her eyebrows suggestively and Zuko sighed again.

"He told you," said Zuko and Suki gave him a flat stare. 

"Zuko, I saw Sokka coming down from the rooftop an hour ago and you a few minutes later. Both of you were grinning like idiots, your hair was a mess, and I'm fairly sure I heard Sokka humming, 'I believe in love once more'. "

"There's a song called 'I believe in love once more'?" said Zuko and Suki nodded.

"Very popular in Ba Sing Se," said Suki before she said slyly, "Also it looks like a pentapus was stuck to your neck."

Zuko's hand flew up to the side of his neck. "Shit."

"It's okay Zuko," said Suki, rubbing his arm, grinning wickedly. "I'm sure Katara won't kill you once she finds out. It will probably be more along the lines of severely maim."

Zuko paled, remembering the dozens of death threats Katara had given him in the past. "Shit."

Once Suki was done laughing ("Your face! You looked like you saw the Unagi." "Please don't remind me about that.") she said, "If you want I can help you cover that up."

Zuko nearly doubled over in relief. "I don't want this meeting to be worse than it has to be."

Suki pulled out a small box of concealer and carefully dabbed it over the marks, and once she was done she snapped the lid shut and held out a compact mirror. 

"How many things do you have in that?" asked Zuko, examining the seemingly unblemished skin. 

"You will never know," said Suki with a small smirk as Zuko got up. 

"Thank you," said Zuko when he was outside the War--Council Room, it was the Council Room now, the war was over. _The war was over_.

"Always," said Suki with a small wave and Zuko smiled.

* * *

The meeting was awful--Agni, what Zuko would have given to walk out and swan-dive into the volcano. 

"Are you okay?" asked Katara during lunch, when Zuko barely ate the noodles in his plate, rubbing his temples every ten seconds, staring broodily in the distance.

"Just a headache," said Zuko offhandedly, taking a bite so that Katara would not worry. It didn't work.

Below the table, Sokka placed his hand on Zuko's knee and in his periphery, he saw the concerned look Sokka gave him.

"Aang should be here soon," said Suki, diverting the topic. "When will you go to visit Azula?"

"Today, if Aang's up for it," said Zuko and Katara frowned.

"Is that a good idea?" she said. "I know everything she's been through but Zuko, what if having her firebending proves to be regressive?"

"She won't get her bending back today," said Zuko and Katara breathed a sigh of relief. "I'm going to ask her if she wants to move back into the Palace."

"What!?" shouted Katara and all the water glasses rattled on the table.

"Uncle said that it would be a good idea to rehabilitate her," said Zuko, pretending to be unperturbed by what she could do to his innards. "She will still be undergoing intensive therapy to help with her mental health."

"But..." began Katara, her expression one of confusion and pain--she was the only one who was there that day with him. She was the one who had saved him--trapped Azula in the ice and held him up when Azula's screams made him want to sink into oblivion, sleep and never wake up.

"A separate wing of the Palace will be allotted to her," said Zuko slowly. "She will have everything she needs to get better."

"Do you think this a good idea?" asked Katara, directing her question to Mai and Ty Lee, who like everyone else had kept quiet to avoid drawing Katara's ire.

"Honestly," said Mai, threading her fingers through Ty Lee's. "I don't know. I haven't seen her, and I doubt she wants to see me--us, after the Boiling Rock."

"But if Zuko says she's changed, she's changed," said Ty Lee determinedly, and Zuko wondered what he had done to earn that trust.

"Uncle visited her, often," said Zuko placidly. "He said that this can help her. I _want_ to help her."

Katara's expression was best described as a mask of ice when she said, "Fine. But I stay here, at least for the first few months."

When Zuko opened his mouth to argue she held up a hand and said, "Do not argue with me. I am a skilled healer and I can help with her treatment. _But_ , if she tries _anything_ I will personally turn her into an ice sculpture and use it as a decoration."

"Katara, it's not her fault," said Zuko, voice tight with pain. "My-- _Ozai_ was terrible--he manipulated her, made her believe that she was a weapon, made by _Agni_ for the sole purpose of wreaking havoc and destroying her enemies."

"I had to heal Aang when she shot him with lightning," said Katara, and she was crying. A scrape of wood against stone, the hand slid off his knee, he hadn't noticed how cold and lonely he felt when it was no longer there, as Sokka stood and hugged Katara. "He was not _breathing_ , I thought he was _dead._ "

Toph firmly leaned into his side, an unyielding force that wouldn't allow him to fall. But all Zuko could think off was Aang's agonised screams ricochetting off the walls of the crystal catacombs along with Azula's sadistic laughter.

"I had to heal _you_ ," she said, and a broken sound escaped Zuko's lips as he remembered the _burning_ , the way it seemed to eat him alive, and all he could feel was the static of pain and a distant hallucination of a flame pressed against his face by another person, another family member had harmed him.

He was dimly aware of the fact that his vision was blurry with tears and warm arms cocooned him but all he could think of was the vitriolic hate that burned in those gold eyes.

* * *

"She's my sister Katara," said Zuko, watching the cherry blossom petals float on the surface of the pond. "I have to."

"I know," admitted Katara, and with a flick of her wrist swirled the petals into a pattern. "You're family and that means I will help you every step of the way."

She leaned her head against his shoulder and they watched the ducklings follow the Mother turtleduck in a crooked line.

* * *

When Appa landed, Zuko took one look at Aang's haggard face and simply watched as Katara helped him walk back inside; the way in which Aang leaned into Katara and the way she held him up--so easily, like lifelines.

Zuko a year back would have thought that no one would ever love so selflessly, he would never be able to trust someone so fully--he would never be able to bare the most vulnerable parts of him like that.

But who had become, all he could think of was warm lips, arms that could hold him up even if the Earth dropped from below his feet, and blue, blue eyes.

* * *

"Don't stay out all night," said Toph with a nudge and Zuko blushed. 

"Go away," he said, and Toph stuck her tongue at him before she laughed and left.

He was just finishing off his draft when Sokka leaned against the door.

"Hey," said Sokka softly and that small smile made Zuko's insides twist. 

"Hi," he said, blowing out the lamp so that they were left in shadowy darkness.

Zuko looked at him, the long languid lines of Sokka, the curve of his lips, the blue of his eyes. 

"I missed you," Zuko murmured, and then kissed him.

Sokka kissed him back in a way that Zuko could only call hungry and the intensity of it fueled the inferno blazing within. 

One of Sokka's hands tightened around his ribs, and Zuko gasped, pain slicing through him like a knife.

"I'm so sorry," said Sokka fervently, he'd jumped back the instant he noticed Zuko's pain. 

"It's not your fault," said Zuko, through grit teeth, cupping Sokka's face in his hands.

"Can you light the lamp?" said Sokka, guilt shining in his eyes.

Zuko lit the wick of the lamp he'd kept on the desk, and in the light, the concern on Sokka's face was so blindingly obvious that all Zuko could think was, "I don't deserve this. I don't deserve you."

Sokka gently asked, "Can I see? You must have some salve or balm that Katara gave that would help." 

Zuko handed him a small bottle that when uncapped smelled like arnica and camphor and Sokka carefully slipped off the tunic and saw the fresh purple and blue bruises that decorated Zuko's ribs.

Sokka's breath was ragged as he asked, "Why?"

"They are the price I paid for my foolishness," said Zuko frankly. 

Sokka didn't say anything else, just helped ease the pain by applying the balm over the bruises with feather-light fingertips and glistening eyes. 

He gently kissed the battered skin and Zuko tilted his face by the chin and pressed their lips together, his heart bursting as he thought, "I may not deserve this or you, but I am selfish. I never want you to leave."

"I love you," he whispered, trying to encompass everything he felt in those words. "So, so much."

"I love you too," said Sokka, and Zuko was still unsure how someone like Sokka, brilliant as the stars in the sky, felt like that about him. 

Zuko would cherish this for as long as he could.

He stumbled back onto the chaise, Sokka falling on top of him and chuckled at Sokka's failed attempts to steady himself before he rested his head on Zuko's chest.

"You're so warm," said Sokka, snuggling against him.

"I'm a firebender," said Zuko, rolling his eyes.

"I don't want to go," mumbled Sokka, pressing his lips against the side of Zuko's neck.

"Then stay," said Zuko, holding onto him. "Don't go."

Just like that, wrapped up in each other they fell blissfully asleep.

* * *

"Um..." Zuko heard someone say first thing in the morning, and the next thing he registered was the arms wrapped around his waist.

His first thought was, "I want to wake up like this every day," immediately followed up by, "Oh, _shit_."

"What?" said Sokka blurrily and Zuko belatedly realised that Sokka had taken off his tunic the night before to look at the bruises, it was lying on the floor between Aang and Katara's feet.

"I'm just..." said Katara weakly before running away as if chased by a sabre-tooth moose lion. 

"Katara said you wanted to talk about Azula and I was looking for you and Katara was helping--" Aang realised he was rambling and said quickly, "Find me once you're ready," before speeding out.

Sokka was blushing furiously as he said, " _Tui_ and _La_ , that was mortifying."

* * *

" _Tui_ and _La_ , that was mortifying," said Katara, burying her face in her hands. "Can I wash out my eyes with cuttlefish ink? No, that's not strong enough--mink snake venom."

* * *

"She's going to kill me," said Zuko, eyes wide with horror as he sat up. Sokka rubbed soothing circles over his back.

"More along the lines of severely maim."

"That's worse," said Zuko, thinking of Katara throwing ice daggers at him and Sokka froze.

"That was so stupid of me," breathed Sokka, cupping Zuko's face in his hands. "Zuko... I..."

"It's okay," said Zuko and it really was.

"No, no it's not," said Sokka, his thumb hovering over the collagen ridges, waiting for permission.

Zuko didn't even think before leaning in, Sokka's fingers cool over the ruined skin.

"I hate him," said Sokka, and he was crying, tears clinging the edge of his jaw.

"Sokka, how do you know?" said Zuko, fear building up within. "I never told anyone."

"You didn't have to," said Sokka, curling up next to Zuko, head against his bare chest, legs tangled together. "I put it together--the deliberate placement, your hate... I..."

Sokka was sobbing and Zuko was unable to do anything other than cry silently.

"I wish Aang had killed him," said Sokka, words muffled against Zuko's skin. "Does that make me an awful person?"

"Sokka, _no_ ," said Zuko desperately. " _He_ was a _terrible_ person. He was cruel to his people, to his family. My mother would always have bruises where no one could see, she always tried to hide them but I saw them--they were hard to miss when you realised what was happening.

"He groomed Azula to be this perfect heir--a weapon. She may never be able to fully recover from his manipulation."

"And you," said Sokka, running his thumb carefully over the edges of the scar. "I hate him for what he did to you."

"I do too," said Zuko, and was a relief to say those words aloud.

"You deserved better, so, so much better than that..." murmured Sokka, his nose nudging the junction of Zuko's neck.

"I know that now," said Zuko, and Sokka reached over and they kissed till all they could think of was cool fingers running against warm skin, breaths mingling together.

"Do we have to go," whined Sokka, leaning his forehead against Zuko's. "I really don't want to. Is the volcano active? Can I jump into it so I never have to face Katara again?"

"I have to go, Sokka," said Zuko and Sokka leapt off the lounge, eyes wide. 

"I can't believe I forgot! This is why I always have a schedule..."

"Sokka," said Zuko, crumpled tunic on, placing his hands on Sokka's shoulders. "It's fine, as long as we leave now..."

"Then run jerkbender," said Sokka, sprinting down the gilded hallways and Zuko laughed as he chased after him.

* * *

Iroh smiled as he saw his nephew run down the corridors of the Palace, chasing his friend. His clothes were rumpled, his hair was a mess but his smile--it was blinding. 

Iroh hummed 'I believe in love once more' as he made his tea.

* * *

"So..." said Aang, as they sat in Appa's saddle, flying to the Country House was Azula was staying. "You and Sokka?"

"Can you please not?" said Zuko, curling up in his robes.

"But my two best friends," began Aang and Zuko groaned. "You didn't invite me to the sleepover!"

_What._

This was _not_ what Zuko had been expecting. 

"Then why did you run away?"

"Because... Katara did and would have rude of me not to?"

"Aang," said Zuko, looking straight (ha) into his eyes. "If we were having a sleepover, the first person we would have called is you."

"Then... _oh..._ "

Zuko nodded. "Yeah."

"You must have been finalising the final draft!" said Aang and Zuko wanted to jump off Appa. "I can help. I don't bring it up very much but I am the _Avatar_..."

"Aang!" said Zuko, unable to listen to another tangent. "I was up finalising the draft when Sokka found me. The reason he stayed is... I love him... The same way that you love Katara."

" _Oh_ ," said Aang, face going blank before he got up and hopped off.

"Aang!" screamed Zuko, scrambling to the side, where he saw Aang fly using his glider. Zuko smacked himself on the forehead. "I can believe I forgot he could fly."

* * *

"Listen," said Zuko, drawing Aang aside once they landed. "About Azula..."

* * *

_"These are beautiful," said Zuko, examining the sleek lines and edges of the katanas. Azula's smile was as hard and sharp as a drilling diamond._

_"Be mindful," Azula's handmaid, Hua, had said as she led him to Azula's suite. "She's having a hard day."_

_So Zuko had been careful, tiptoeing around Azula as if walking on cinders and she finally snapped, "Then why don't you spar with me?"_

_"Azula..." said Zuko slowly. "I..."_

_"I'm learning," she said, smoothening her tone. "It would be nice to train with someone who isn't Master Piando or a straw dummy."_

_"Is this why you asked me to bring my swords?" he asked warily._

_"I wanted to spar with my brother," she said simply._

_Maybe it was for the first time in years she used the word brother without malicious intent, maybe it was the fact that Zuko associated sparring with Mai, Suki, and Sokka--adrenaline and quips as sharp as their blades. He didn't fear it anymore._

_"Okay," he said, removing his cumbersome brocade robe, lighter shirt and pants underneath. "Let's do it."_

_That was how they had ended up in the courtyard, the stone hot under their feet, the sun shining above._

_Zuko basked in the light, warming up._

_Azula kept to the side, where the slated roof shaded the ground._

_"Ready?" asked Zuko, adjusting his stance._

_"Ready," said Azula, her eyes narrowed to slits, the sun was shining in her face._

_He should have noticed sooner. The sun helped him--he could feel the energy it imparted, even if he didn't use it for firebending. While his movements become more fluid and precise, hers deteriorated--sluggish and inaccurate._

_When he easily disarmed her, Azula crumpled to the floor and screamed._

_"Azula," he said, kneeling next to her and examining her palm--checking for any wounds._

_She was crying, kohl streaking her cheeks and sobs racking her ribs._

_"I can't feel the sun," she whispered, her voice breaking. "I can't feel the sun."_

_He held her as she cried, repeating those words over and over again--sometimes as broken whispers, sometimes as harsh screams._

_She pounded her fists against his chest in frustration, even if she didn't have her bending she could feel the fire blazing within him and she was so tired. She was angry and frustrated and if her venting meant that it hurt Zuko a bit, he didn't mind._

_He didn't let her go, till she slumped into him in exhaustion._

_"I miss it," she said, as he picked her up, her gold eyes fluttering. "Not the lightning and the whips and daggers._

_"I miss heating tea with my hands, feeling the warmth of the sun..."_

_He kissed her forehead as he placed her gently on the bed, drawing the covers over her. "I know, Zula, I know. I promise you, I'll fix it."_

* * *

"Poor Azula," said Aang, looking close to tears. "I can't imagine how she must be feeling... And I did this to her! This is all my..."

"Aang, it's not your fault," said Zuko, placing what he hoped was a comforting hand on his shoulder.

Aang looked at him with wide, watery eyes. "Do you really think so?" 

"I know that it's not," said Zuko calmly. "We're going to try and help her; we're here to take her home."

* * *

"This will suffice," said Azula, glancing at the bed overflowing with gossamer and silk, sunlight pouring in through the open windows. 

"I'm glad you liked it, Princess Azula," said Iroh kindly. "Would you care for some tea?"  
"No," she said frostily and Zuko winced. Uncle was _trying._

Iroh smiled. "I would. Zuko, if you need me I'll be in the kitchens."

Azula sighed as leaned out the window. "Honeysuckle?" she asked, delicately fingering the tiny yellow flowers.

Zuko was surprised: he hadn't expected her to even notice the flower vines in the window, let alone recognise them.

"Yes," said Zuko slowly. "Fei Hong, the gardener found this variety that bloomed in late summer--apparently, their nectar is unparalleled."

Azula plucked a bloom and bit off the end of the stalk with her teeth, sucking the nectar out. "He's... not wrong. I've never tasted anything like it."

Zuko stared.

"Here," she said, plucking another and handing it to him. He hesitantly took it, following in suit, ripping the edge out with his teeth and licking the bead of nectar.

The taste was as heady as the aroma--sweet and honeylike. He was disappointed when he realised how little nectar there was in the flower.

"It's really good," said Zuko, and Azula smiled as she leaned over the window to get another.

For a moment, Zuko felt like they'd grown up with normal parents, had a normal past. That they were simply siblings enjoying each others company. 

"Maybe," he hoped desperately, "It's not too late for that."

* * *

Zuko groaned as he leaned into Sokka's shoulder. "That dinner was so awkward."

"I once I had dinner with Toph's parents," said Sokka conversationally, running his fingers through Zuko's hair. "The Beifongs practically sat on thrones and there was a lot of yelling and I think they had the Avatar escorted off their property."  
"Good to know that the bar is high," said Zuko. "But I think this surpassed that."

"No wait, the escorting part came later. I think Aang and Toph had a bending food fight?"

"Do I want to know?"

"You really do not. Point is, dinners can be awkward," said Sokka, and Zuko sighed.

"I guess," he said, falling face-first into the pillows on Sokka's bed.

Zuko hadn't fully comprehended how much he leaned on Sokka till after that disaster of dinner his feet had automatically led him to Sokka's room.

"How much do you sleep?" asked Sokka, running cool fingertips beneath Zuko's eyes. 

Zuko knew Sokka wouldn't like the answer, but he was the one person that Zuko couldn't-- _wouldn't_ lie to. "A few hours," he mumbled.

"Define 'a few hours.'"

"Maybe three, possibly four," said Zuko and Sokka gasped in outrage.

"Sleep. _Now,"_ said Sokka, and Zuko sighed.

"I can't stop thinking about how the cricket-cicadas were all you could hear during dinner."

* * *

_Azula sat with them, and the conversation had dwindled fast. Mai and Ty Lee hadn't come, apparently, they were having dinner with Mai's family on their night off._

_Zuko highly doubted that but he understood why. The animosity between them and Azula was still unresolved--he just hoped they dealt with it before it became out of control._

_Aang and Sokka tried to make small talk but Azula was silent and the short bursts of talking easily died out. Katara was stabbing at her seaweed noodles with unnerving force, the water in her glass frosting at the surface._

_Toph mostly ate her ramen and punched Azula's arm whenever Sokka made a joke._

_Azula's glare would have made the great Spirits quake but Toph laughed and said, "I'm blind Sparky. No, he's Sparky so I guess I'll have to come up with another one for you."_

_"How--" began Azula but Zuko steered the conversation away and said, "Aang, did you find any moon peaches at the Air Temple."_

_As Aang launched into an excited tirade about the bushels of moon peaches he'd found, Azula kept glaring and Toph, who ate the rest of her dinner completely unaffected._

* * *

"Sleep," said Sokka, and Zuko stared.

"Didn't you hear how I'm afraid Azula and Toph are going murder each other?!" said Zuko, leaning his head in his hands.

"Zuko, if Toph wanted someone dead, they would be," said Sokka calmly, holding onto Zuko's wrists, lowering them away from his face.

"And," he said as Zuko opened his mouth to say something. "We'll figure the rest out tomorrow."

"Okay," exhaled Zuko, getting up when a hand shoved him back onto the mattress. 

"Where are you going?" asked Sokka and Zuko looked incredulous.

"My room?"

"No no no no," said Sokka, physically blocking his path. "If you go back to your room you'll stay up all night worrying or do some boring Fire Lord Duty."  
"I need--"

"Sleep," said Sokka, and opened a box next to his bed--it was filled with dried chamomile flowers, their scent warm and sweet--a summer haze.

"Where did you get those?" asked Zuko, getting up to help. 

Once Sokka was sure he wasn't going to make a mad dash for his rooms, he allowed Zuko to heat up the water and made chamomile tea for them both.

"Katara gave them to me," he said, taking a sip. "Whenever I couldn't sleep, or wake up in the middle of the night, this would help me sleep."

Zuko draped an arm around Sokka--he'd had enough nightmares to know how unsettling they could be.

Sokka leaned into him and Zuko found himself desperately wishing that these moments would never in--when Sokka tilted his head up and pressed his lips against Zuko's, they fell back onto the bed into a tangle of limbs and laughter.

"Sleep," said Sokka, and Zuko closed his eyes readily.

Sokka curled up around him. Zuko laughed a little unbelievably at the way Sokka so easily trust him, the way their limbs entwined together, his lips a breath away. "Shut up, you're warm," mumbled Sokka, nuzzling his face in Zuko's shoulder.

Zuko smiled, pressed a soft kiss on Sokka's cheek. "Good night."

He could feel Sokka's smile against his skin, and it sent a cascade of sparks down his spine. "Night, jerkbender."

When Zuko dreamed, he was floating in a cool, ethereal blue--the exact shade of Sokka's eyes, and even in his sleep he smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For some reason, I can't pinpoint why I feel a bit iffy about this chapter.  
> .  
> I can't believe I somehow managed to use the bedsharing trope *twice* in a single chapter. Actually, I do, that trope is just instant serotonin.  
> .  
> Thank you so much for the kudos and comments, they really motivate me. More are always appreciated.  
> .  
> Tumblr: queerenteen


	9. Part 8: Half of my soul

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "He is half of my soul, as the poets say."  
> \--Patroclus about Achilles, 'The Song of Achilles' by Madeline Miller.  
> .  
> *shows up 3 weeks later and increases the chapter count *again**  
> .  
> Mentions to the Kyoshi Novels by FC Yee; nothing spoiler-y, just references about Avatar Kyoshi, Rangi and Szeto, the Fire Avatar before Roku.  
> (The Kyoshi novels are *amazing*, anyone who likes Avatar should definitely give them a read.)

The third time Zuko woke up next to Sokka it was away from prying eyes. The warm, golden light poured in from the open window and that was when Zuko realised he had slept past sunrise.

"Good morning," said Zuko and Sokka grumbled--pulling a pillow over his head. "Not a good morning?"

"If you love me, you'll let me sleep," mumbled Sokka, his hair all messy and spread over the sheets like a dark halo. Zuko almost combusted on the spot.

"Okay," said Zuko, brushing his lips against Sokka's cheek. "I guess I'll go and eat all the blubbered seal jerky." 

Sokka shot up like he'd heard the roar of a tiger shark. "You _wouldn't._ " 

Zuko shrugged as he slid off the mattress. "Do you really want to risk it?" 

Sokka grumbled but got up. "There'd better be an entire platter of Gran Gran standard jerky." 

"You'll never find out unless you go," said Zuko, heading to the door when he abruptly stopped.

"What's wrong? " asked Sokka, pulling up his mused hair into a wolftail. 

"I have a meeting," said Zuko faintly. 

Sokka frowned. "I hate to break this to you but I'm pretty sure you have meetings almost... Every day?" 

"No," said Zuko, running hands through his hair. "This one..."

It felt like someone had turned on a lamp in Zuko's mind when he noticed the window, curtains billowing with the summer breeze. 

He quickly walked over and leaned out. It was a floor above the gardens, practically abandoned at the late morning hour. 

"Zuko, what..." said Sokka and then Zuko began to climb out. 

"Zuko!" said Sokka frantically, grabbing him by the arm so Zuko awkwardly sat on the window sill, legs dangling on either side. "Why were you fleeing from my boudoir?"

Sokka tried to joke, but it fell flat--his tone concerned and...hurt.

Zuko sighed, slumping his head against the window frame. "It's just that... Sozin banned same-sex relations. I'm trying to undo that right now--which is what this meeting is for."

"So, this isn't legal?" said Sokka flatly and Zuko nodded, dread coursing through him.

Sokka's mouth split into a wide grin. "Toph owes me so much money."

"Uh..." 

"Random bet. More importantly, I know that you've got this," said Sokka, placing his hands on Zuko's shoulders and looking into his eyes. 

Zuko couldn't lie when those blue eyes bore into him--the colour of the Calderan summer sky and sea. 

"I don't," he whispered; a weak admission. "I have no idea what I'm doing."

"You are giving countless people the freedom to be themselves," said Sokka determinedly.

Zuko paled. "That does _not_ make me feel better," he said, covering his face with his hands.

Sokka gently took his hands and pulled them away. "Tell me what can go wrong."

Zuko looked at him, disbelief covering his features. " _Everything._ "

Sokka rolled his eyes. "Don't be overdramatic," he said, plopping down on the sill next to Zuko. "Let's figure out what can go wrong so that you have a solution ready."

"Okay, Plan Guy," said Zuko, tilting his head a bit so he could soak up the sunlight. "First, the conservatives think that..."

"Say no more," said Sokka, holding up a hand. "What do conservatives care about the most?"

"Traditional values."

"Exactly," said Sokka, eyes lit with ideas and innovation. "Sozin introduced the law? So that means it was only followed for two more generations--Azulon and Ozai.

"So you point out before that, before Roku and Sozin's era," said Sokka and Zuko listened raptly. "The fire avatar before him?"

"Szeto," said Zuko, remembering the redone portrait in the Royal Gallery. "He was a public official and even became the advisor to the Fire Lord--he was known for his honour and liberty."

"There you go!" said Sokka. "Use that. Also, do you know anything about the Sei'naka noble family?"

"They used to be known for firebending abilities before the clans were dissolved," said Zuko, puzzled. Years of training as the Crown Prince--including mind-numbing noble pedigrees, were apparently still intact. "Why?"

"Remember what Aang said about the Air Nomad philosophy about love and gender?" said Sokka and Zuko nodded. The world would have been a much better place with the Air Nomads. "When I asked him more later he told me about Avatar Kyoshi and her girlfriend."

"Avatar Kyoshi had a girlfriend?" said Zuko, shock clinging to his voice. "I never knew."

"Sozin era propaganda," said Sokka, shaking his head. "I'm glad that you removed all of it from the schools."

"Me too," said Zuko, frowning at the memories of the gamut of _Agni Kais_ that followed. It had been worth all the exhaustion and duels.

"Her girlfriend's name was Rangi," said Sokka softly, as if he knew what the words would mean to Zuko.

"That's... that's a fire nation name," said Zuko, letting out a shuddering breath.

"She was the first lieutenant in the Fire Army at the age of sixteen and the Avatar's firebending _sifu,_ " said Sokka. 

"How do you know so much?" asked Zuko. "That happened hundreds of years ago and I've never found any records."

Sokka smiled. "Avatar Kyoshi told Aang. When he went to the Air Temple, he communicated a lot with his past lives--spirituality of the place or something."

Zuko thought about how much the Avatar must have loved her--to remember everything, even hundreds of years later and pass it stories and memories to the next generation.

"Love that stands the test of time," whispered Zuko. 

Sokka nudged him with his shoulder, breaking him out of his reverie. "You've got this. Now, what else could they throw at you?"

* * *

"Here," said Sokka, just before Zuko had to leave, handing him a sheet of paper with all the arguments they had come up with. "Just in case."

Zuko leaned in and kissed him; he could feel Sokka's smile against his lips.

"Wait," said Zuko, pulling back slightly. "We didn't eat. Did you just forget about breakfast?"

"You're more important," said Sokka and Zuko feigned a gasp. "Go," said Sokka, playfully elbowing his shoulder. 

Zuko swung his legs over and leapt, easily tucking himself into a roll and landing on his palms, just to be extra.

"You're so dramatic," said Sokka as Zuko righted himself but he caught Sokka's grin and laughed.

* * *

Zuko took a deep breath to steady himself before he entered the room.

" _Ruining the glory of our great nation,"_ said Ozai's voice in his head and Zuko grimaced. _"After all, what else was expected from someone so confused--"_

"You're doing a good thing, Zuko," said Ty Lee, who had walked him over from his rooms, no matter how unnecessary Zuko thought it was considering it was only one corridor over.

Suki had taken her duties as head of his guard seriously--she had made an entire schedule, complete with colour coding. Ty Lee's name was in a glittering pink and she was in charge of what Mai had eloquently termed as babysitting.

("It's just a short--" began Zuko.

"Do you know what can happen in that much time?" said Suki. 

"Please don't say--"

"You could _die."_ )

Ty Lee was going to be in there inside with him and that gave him the reassurance he needed to banish Ozai's voice in his head and walk-in.

* * *

"Zuko..." began Sokka when Zuko came in, but before he could say anything else Zuko pulled him by the front of his shirt and kissed him.

They weren't alone: Aang looked away, Katara muttered, "Not again," before she buried her face in her hands.

Toph grinned wickedly, Suki looked smug as she outstretched her palm to Ty Lee who planted a fistful of yuans on it. Mai continued to eat her noodle soup as if nothing had happened.

"So it went well," said Ty Lee when they broke apart.

Zuko smirked. "It went really well."

"That's--" began Mai, but suddenly fell silent.

Zuko turned, his fingers still holding onto Sokka's shirt, and saw Azula standing like a statue in the doorway.

She turned around sharply and left.

Mai and Ty Lee looked like someone had chi blocked them, they stood rooted on the spot. It was the first time they'd laid eyes on Azula since the Boiling Rock.

Zuko reluctantly let go of Sokka and followed her.

* * *

He found Azula sitting on the edge of the roof where Sokka had found him a few nights before. It was the highest tier on the _pagoda_ and the drop was steep--she'd always been the more adventurous of the two. 

It had been her sanctuary since she was a child. Zuko didn't realise how much of his actions were affected by her when even years later, he had come to the very same place.

"How did you find me?" she asked blandly, not even turning around to look at him.

"This is where you'd always hide when someone got mad at you," he said, sitting down next to her, tactfully avoiding Ozai and Ursa.

"I could push you off," she said, but there was no more poison in her words; like the venom sacs had been cut when she lost her firebending. "It's a long way to the ground from here."

"I would jet-step," he pointed out, leaning back. 

Azula made a non-committal sound and her fists kept clenching and unclenching, her muscle memory trying to summon sparks.

"So..." began Zuko but Azula made a disgusted sound.

"We do not have to take about you and the water tribe peasant," said Azula and Zuko sighed.

"Don't call him that. His name is Sokka." 

" _I love you," said Sokka, the stars shining in his eyes... "I--"_

"For the love of _Agni_ please get that dopey grin off your face," said Azula sounding mildly repulsed.

"You know that feelings are communicable," said Zuko and Azula glared at him.

"I am immune," she said, fiddling with the hem of her sleeve.

"The council just passed a bill that decriminalised same-sex relations," said Zuko a moment later, thinking of a younger Azula and Ty Lee, forced to live under Ozai's discriminatory rule.

"Good for you," she said. 

Zuko resisted the urge to sigh again. How had Uncle dealt with him so long?

"You know I like both guys and girls," said Zuko and Azula looked like she would rather hurl herself off the roof rather than finish the conversation. Once Zuko was sure she wasn't, he continued.

"There was this boy when I was on my way to Ba Sing Se," said Zuko carefully. "His name was Jet."

* * *

_Jet was his first kiss. Jet with his charming grin and brilliant swords, tousled hair and dark eyes._

_It wasn't like it was in the plays his mother to him at night--the kiss between the Dragon Emperor and Empress just as the curtains fell, gentle and loving._

_It was sheer desperation--more pain than pleasure at first._

_It felt like fire--raging and wild._

_The sea had sprayed both their faces; he could taste salt and sin on Jet's lips._

_It wasn't the first time he'd ever liked a boy--but it was the first time he'd ever acted on it._

_He knew it was careless and stupid and even illegal but he the adrenaline rush pushed him to make stupid decisions._

_So he ignored the sirens going off in his head and burned._

* * *

"Have I met Jet?" said Azula, kicking her feet back and forth in the air. "He sounds familiar."

"Maybe," admitted Zuko. "He was in the Earth King's palace in Ba Sing Se. I never knew what happened to him."

"Sorry," said Azula, and it sounded half-sincere, which was more than he'd heard from her in almost a decade.

"He was a jerk," said Zuko. "Almost turned me in to the _Dai Li_ when he realised I was a firebender. Attacked me while I was serving tea."

Azula looked at him like he'd grown a second head. "You served tea?"

"No, _Lee_ served tea. He looks remarkably like the Fire Lord but the scar's on the wrong side."

Azula laughed, and it still sounded like she was his baby sister when she did--her laughter ringing loud and clear.

"Okay," she said, playing along. "Did _Lee_ like anyone?"

"Yes, he did."

* * *

_Jin was pretty, and Zuko felt immensely awkward; his hair looked terrible._

_But when Jin reached out to ruffle it back to normal, Zuko realised that it had been a part of Uncle's plan all along._

_Her green eyes were dark and glittering in the lights of the Middle Ring._

_He understood quickly why it would never work--she lived in a place where there was no war, whereas Zuko lived a lie._

_So he had given up all hope when he failed miserably at juggling._

_But then she took him to the Firelight Fountain and he asked her to close her eyes._

_It was a risky and completely unnecessary thing to do, but her wide grin made it feel worth it._

_He hadn't expected her to kiss him, and panicked and gave her a coupon. He almost smacked himself for that._

_But then she actually kissed him, and it was nothing like it was with Jet._

_Her lips were soft and she smelled like lavender. She was like the lights he'd lit around the fountain--beautiful and casting luminescence on everything around her_

_But he broke away quickly and headed back to the Lower Ring._

_She deserved better than a broken nobody like him._

* * *

"You told her you were from a travelling circus," said Azula slowly. "And she believed you. Even after your miserable juggling."

Zuko shrugged. "She wanted to believe the best in people. It's a difficult trait to possess."

Zuko expected Azula to snort and say that Jin was naive, foolish and weak. Ozai had taught them that since a very young age; mercy and kindness were weaknesses for the enemy to exploit.

"Yes, it is," she breathed instead, her gold eyes trained on the Fire Nation banners that hung around the palace.

She was getting better with each day, and Zuko would be there to help her the whole way.

"The next person is Mai, isn't it?" said Azula, not meeting his eyes.

"Do you not want to talk about it?" he asked gently. If she said no, he would never bring it up again.

"I want to hear it," she said resolutely. 

* * *

_Mai was the one person that Zuko trusted in the Fire Nation._

_Uncle was gone, Azula and Ozai were preparing for what would become to known as the Day of the Black Sun._

_There was no glory in what the Fire Nation was doing, and despite how much he had wanted his father's approval, he unconsciously tended to avoid all Crown Princely duties and spent all his time with Mai instead._

_The first time she'd kissed him in Ba Sing Se the day before they'd left it, had been like walking at a knife's edge--urgent and could tear him apart if he made the wrong move._

_The adrenaline rush was intoxicating and when they broke apart, he saw her smile for the first time._

_She was like the knives she wielded, sharp, quick and deadly; for a short time, they'd fit together like puzzle pieces--both brooding and dark, practising duelling in the middle of the night, escaping to her family's villa on the outskirts of Caldera and roaming its streets with their hoods pulled back._

_Everyone used to part on the streets to make way for them, Mai always liked the attention, even if she would never admit it. But Zuko, who'd spent the last few years of his life in hiding didn't know what to make of it._

_She'd always support him, and Zuko took it for granted--even though he shouldn't have._

_He tried to be better because he thought it would last._

_It all fell apart when he wrote her a letter and left without saying goodbye._

* * *

"Iroh told me you were still together after... _after,_ " said Azula, unable to even mention the war.

"We were but it wasn't the same," he admitted. "We kept trying to make it work but..."

"I get it," said Azula, so quietly that Zuko almost didn't hear her.

"But because of that, I fell for Sokka," said Zuko, trying to keep the dopey grin from spreading over his face.

It clearly didn't work because Azula gagged. 

"I have a feeling that this is going to be horrendously soapy," she said but stayed seated.

* * *

_Zuko first really noticed Sokka on the way to the Boiling Rock. He would be lying if he said he hadn't noticed Sokka before--he was too brilliant to ignore._

_The way he alone had charged at Zuko at the South Pole. The way his blue eyes shone in the firelight at the Western Air Temple._

_And the countless times in between._

_Okay, so maybe he had noticed Sokka before._

_But he realised that Sokka's eyes had as many shades of blue as the sea, that he had a small smattering of freckles across the bridge of his nose._

_So when Sokka's arm brushed against his as they spotted the prison in the distance he thought, "Maybe, just maybe, it's him."_

_That was till Sokka found Suki. The little spark that had burned in Zuko's chest died out._

_Or so he'd thought._

_After Mai left, he found himself remembering blue eyes and bronzed skin._

_Of seemingly crazy ideas that always worked, because Sokka was the plan guy, he knew what he was doing._

_The one time the New Ozai Society assassin almost got him, his last thought would have been of Sokka if he hadn't had years of reflexes ingrained in him, sending the assassin sprawling with a sweeping kick._

_The thought of him always played at the back of his mind--sometimes he appeared to Zuko in dreams, a spectre that haunted him day and night._

_So when Sokka stood at his door on the Summer Solstice Zuko thought, "It's you. It's always been you."_

_When Sokka kissed him, his fingers were cool against his jaw, tangled in his hair. He smelled like bergamot and the sea--the taste of sweet cream and jasmine tea on his lips._

_He was all the stars in the sky, so bright that Zuko knew._

_His mother used to tell him that the Spirits had sent someone special for them all--one person that complemented them perfectly._

_Iroh said that soulmates were the people they chose every day. "You choose to love them, you choose to wake up with them every single day for the rest of your lives."_

_He never thought they'd both be right._

_Zuko closed his eyes, leaned into Sokka, and he fell._

* * *

"You really love him," said Azula softly, in a tone he'd never heard from her.

"I do," said Zuko, and it was true. It had been true for a while.

Zuko waited. The sun lowered and the shadows lengthened, the breeze was becoming cooler as summer drew to an end.

"Sometimes I hate them," said Azula slowly. "I hate them so much. I hate you too sometimes. You are the reason that Mai betrayed me, that Ty Lee left me."

Her voice was frighteningly bleak.

Zuko sat silently, bearing her vocal blows the same way he had her physical ones.

Azula looked away. 

"Sometimes I just want to fall asleep and never wake up," she said, and Zuko's heart broke.

He wanted to clasp her hands tightly, look into her eyes and tell her that it was all going to be okay.

But they weren't like Katara and Sokka--there was too much history between them for him to do that.

So he said, "I relearned my firebending from dragons."

Azula's eyes narrowed. "The dragons are extinct. Iroh killed the last one."

"No, he was the last person to learn from the dragons," said Zuko. "At least, till Aang and I showed up."

"Why?" 

"Why what?"

"Why did you relearn it?" said Azula carefully. He knew what she was thinking: _weren't we powerful before?_

"Because our fire isn't meant to be fueled by hate and anger," said Zuko slowly. "It's like the Sun, life and light.

"Hold out your hands," he said, and Azula blinked. Very slowly, like a spooked hermit marmoset that would retreat into its shell at a moment's notice, she held out her hand, palm first. 

Gently, Zuko cupped it in his hands and sparked a flame. 

It was brilliant and colourful--gold, azure, lilac, chartreuse; every single colour imaginable was reflected in the flickering fire. 

Azula stared at it with wide eyes. "It doesn't hurt," she said softly, astonished. 

Zuko ached at the pain in her voice: fire wasn't supposed to be like that, it wasn't meant to pain. 

"Dragon fire," he said. 

" _Oh,"_ she said, her eyes uncharacteristically soft. "This is how it's supposed to be." 

* * *

"Zuko," said Sokka, when he found him in an alcove balcony. 

Zuko was leaning over the edge and when he came back up, he held long-stemmed jasmine blooms between his fingers. 

"I really love these," he said, easily braiding them together by the stem. "They bloom only at night, and they have the best scent." 

It was late, and Zuko and Azula had missed dinner so they'd snuck into the kitchens like they were kids and eaten 'stolen' _bao_ buns and dumplings. 

"How are things with Azula?" asked Sokka, plucking flowers from the vine, their heady sweetness saturating the air. 

"Better," said Zuko. By the end Azula's expression was one of exasperation versus that of anger, so Zuko considered that as a win. 

Sokka leaned over and tucked a flower behind Zuko's ear, his fingers brushing over the sensitive skin of the conch, the white petals stark against his dark hair. 

He grazed his lips against Zuko's cheek as he drew away, mint lingering on his breath. 

Zuko's fumbling fingers struggled to knot and finish his wreath. He placed the flower crown on Sokka's head, his hand skimming against the soft strands of Sokka's dark hair--the crown a softly glowing corona of white. 

"Does that make me Fire Lord now?" asked Sokka cheekily, his lips a breath away. 

"Take it, please," said Zuko, closing the distance. 

_'Take anything and everything you could possibly want from me. It's all yours.'_

They kissed languidly in the starlight; Sokka's skin was cool as Zuko slipped his hand beneath his tunic. Sokka whispered, "You're warm," into his mouth before plucking the gold hairpin from Zuko's hair.

The centuries-old artefact clattered against the floor and Zuko couldn't care less because Sokka was running his fingers through his hair and _Agni_ it felt _so_ good. 

He could feel Sokka's heartbeat, pulse quickening as Zuko placed a delicate kiss against the smooth skin of his neck. 

Under the stars, with Sokka's mouth on his and a bubbling euphoria spreading through his veins, Zuko felt loved. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Night-blooming jasmine translates to 'queen of the night' from my mother tongue. Not related, just thought it was neat.  
> .  
> The random bet between Sokka and Toph was who would be the first one to do something illegal.  
> .  
> The bet between Suki and Ty Lee was when Zuko came back, who would kiss whom first.  
> .  
> As Sokka removes the Fire Lord pin and it falls to the floor, somewhere in the distance, rotting in a cell, Ozai suffers.


	10. Part 9: Do you believe monsters are born or made?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from Queen of Shadows by Sarah J Maas.  
> .  
> Thank you for all the kudos and comments. They bring some life to my well... life because I had sold my soul to the devil in my alley for one corn chip.

"Nephew!" said Uncle, delighted, as Zuko entered the room, stifling a yawn with the back of his hand. "I haven't seen you for a while." 

Although Iroh didn't mean anything but gratitude for being able to spend time with him, Zuko looked away, ashamed. He should have visited sooner. Uncle had left his new home in Ba Sing Se--

"It's all right, Zuko," said Iroh kindly, placing a hand on his shoulder. He was a good few inches taller than Uncle, and Zuko almost laughed at the revelation. 

He was barely of age, hadn't even finished growing and he was the Fire Lord. 

"Make me some tea," said Iroh, steering him towards the kitchens, interrupting his train of thought. 

The early morning bustle of the kitchens was unfamiliar to Zuko, who only snuck in during odd hours of the night to eat. 

The staff was different than whom he was used to, but he smiled at the new faces, making a note to remember their names, as he made his way over to his usual counter. 

"What do you want Uncle?" asked Zuko as he tied the apron around his waist. 

Iroh thought for a moment before he said, "Sakura." 

Zuko nodded as he picked off the jar of cherry blossom preserves from the top shelf. 

He carefully placed a few blossoms in a bowl of warm water, while he let a kettle boil on the stove. 

Iroh observed as Zuko plucked the flowers and placed them in teacups, delicately pouring hot water over them. 

He watched as the flowers unfurled slightly, and waited. 

Once it was done, he strained the tea and added a hint of the cherry blossom brine for flavour. 

He handed the cup over to Iroh and nervously waited as he took a careful sip. 

When he set it down, his expression was unreadable. 

Zuko tapped his nails against the stone countertop, fighting the urge to bite them. 

Uncle finished the entire cup and Zuko realised that he had teared up. 

"Uncle?" he asked, moving forward slightly. "Is everything okay?" 

"This may be the proudest moment of my life," said Iroh, pulling Zuko into a bone-crushing hug. 

Zuko allowed himself to be pulled in and awkwardly put his hands around his Uncle. 

"It was perfect--the salt, the floral undertones, the plum taste." Iroh sighed, content. "I can't believe that you went from the angry boy who called tea 'hot leaf juice' to making the most marvellous Sakura tea I have had the honour to taste." 

Zuko took a sip from his own cup. It was nice, but he couldn't really say anything else. "If you say so," he said instead. 

* * *

"I see that you've been spending some time with Ambassador Sokka recently," said Iroh and Zuko stared at the paintings hanging on the wall (ah, the Sumi-e art of the calderan landscape was well done).

Was he really that obvious?

"He's a good person--smart, brave..." listed Iroh.

Zuko bit back the urge to say 'an excellent kisser'.

"I'm glad for you, Zuko," said Uncle, placing a hand on his shoulder.

Did he know? Was the vague conversation his way of expressing his acceptance and support.

"Uncle I--" he began but Toph barreled down the hallway, punching Zuko's arm in passing before hugging Iroh.

"Are you ready for practice?" asked Iroh and Toph cracked her knuckles.

"Of course."

"Wait," said Zuko, trying to make sense of their conversation.

"Uncle, you're teaching Toph... to _firebend?_ " 

He had a mental image of Toph brandishing flames and shouting 'I am Melon Lord!' while cackling maniacally and he shuddered.

"Sparky..." said Toph condescendingly. "He's helping me with metalbending. You know, the entirely new subset of earthbending that I _invented._ "

Zuko sighed--she was never going to let that go.

"I am merely suggesting ways that she can improve her _katas_ and stances," said Iroh. "Like I taught you about learning from various nations."

Toph made a sharp twisting motion with her hand, and a metal sconce was ripped from the wall, plaster raining down on the floor in puffs of white dust.

As Zuko stared at the _hole_ she left on the wall, Toph easily melded the ancient metal into a rude gesture.

He expected Uncle to chide her but instead, he rubbed the grey hair on his chin thoughtfully and said, "To bend such an old and brittle metal so easily, well done Niece."

**_Niece?!_ **

Toph mouthed 'niece' at Zuko (well, in his general direction) and waggled her eyebrows.

"I'm going to go talk to Aang," he said, and walked away, watching Iroh and Toph debate where put her new piece of art, and a feeling of surprising contentment expanded in his chest.

* * *

Aang and Katara were eating breakfast and Zuko grabbed a bowl of miso for himself and sat down.

Aang was animatedly talking about the version that the Air Nomads made, with tofu and vegetables, different recipes for the seasons depending on the harvest.

Zuko listened intently, as he ate, the spicy broth familiar to him--a taste of home.

He wanted the same for Aang.

Suki came from behind, face unpainted, and she sat down next to him, her presence reassuring.

"Why is there a hole on the wall in the Eastern corridor?" she asked and Zuko sighed again.

"Toph."

"Ah, that makes sense."

"I'm sure we'll get the ingredients in the Market here Sweetie," said Katara gently. "We can make it and all of us will have it for dinner sometime."

"Sweetie?" murmured Zuko, desperately hoping that endearments didn't run in the family.

"Mornin'," said Sokka as entered, dropping a kiss on the crown of Zuko's head before sitting down next to him, his thigh brushing against Zuko's.

"Look, Zuko's blushing!" crowed Ty Lee, coming in, her fingers interlocked with Mai's.

Sokka smirked and Zuko ducked his head--focusing on wrapping the wakame seaweed around his chopsticks.

"Shut up." 

Once breakfast (and the accompanying teasing) was done, Zuko pulled Aang aside for a moment.

"I want to take Azula to the Sun Warriors," said Zuko and Aang looked confused.

"To stick her into a vat full of tar, like we were?"

"Aang, the other thing."

"Oh," said Aang, realisation shining in his eyes. "Do you think it's a good idea?"

"Yes," said Zuko without hesitation.

"Okay," said Aang cheerily. "When do we leave?"

"Tonight?" said Zuko, "I'll have to ask Uncle to take my place while I'm gone."

"I'll have to tell Katara," said Aang, a small frown on his face. Katara was very clear about how she felt about Azula. 

"Tell her to talk to me if she doesn't like it," said Zuko. "Her doubts are valid."

_Lightning, crackling through the air--Azula's laugh as she aimed at Katara; him jumping in the way, instinctively. If he had been off..._

"I have to get Appa ready," said Aang, heading for the stables.

"And I have to talk to Azula." He would be lying if he said he wasn't dreading the conversation.

* * *

When Zuko arrived at Azula's rooms, a woman, perhaps in her late twenties, opened the door. She bowed when she noticed the flame pin in his hair, a small smile on her face.

"Fire Lord Zuko," she said warmly. "Princess Azula and I were just finishing up our session."

"We're not done yet!" shouted Azula from the other room. "Go away Zuzu."

"Azula," said the woman reproachingly, her honey-brown eyes narrowing in disappointment.

There was a short silence before Azula called back. "Sorry Mei Ling. Zuzu, _please_ kindly fuck off."

"Azula we've talked about this," said Mei Ling, shaking her head as she went into the room where Azula was.

Zuko stood there, deeply amused.

When Mei Ling came out, Azula trailed behind her, with a distinct pout on her face.

"Is there something you wanted to tell your brother Azula?" said Mei Ling and Azula huffed.

"I'm sorry for telling you to fuck off," she intoned. "It was wrong of me. I shouldn't have taken out my frustration on you."

"Can you please stay here forever?" said Zuko to Mei Ling, amazed.

Mei Ling laughed and was like the chime of a bell. "Unfortunately Fire Lord Zuko, I must decline. I can only help guide Azula, the rest is up to her--" Azula rolled her eyes, it was a sentence she'd heard several times. "But I know she is doing better with each passing day. All we need is patience and more time.

"I will be here again in a week Azula. Make sure you finish your assignment before then."

"Yeah yeah," said Azula dismissively. "Goodbye, Mei Ling."

Mei Ling laughed again. "Goodbye, Princess Azula. Take care of yourself.

"Fire Lord Zuko," she said, bowing again before leaving the room.

"Mei Ling seems nice," said Zuko, and Azula sighed.

"She's my therapist and keeps comparing life to a game of Pai Sho."

"Sounds like Uncle."

"She's one of his friends. Apparently, they belong the some Pai Sho club, the White Lily or something."

"The White Lotus," corrected Zuko, surprised she hadn't heard much about them. 

"'Tomayto-potayto, tomahto-potahto'," said Azula, waving her hand and sitting on the couch.

"Listen," said Zuko, sitting opposite to her as she grabbed a bowl full of fire flakes from the table.

"Listening," she said, sitting cross-legged and tossing a handful of fire flakes into her mouth.

"I talked to Aang," said Zuko and Azula snorted.

" _Aang,_ " she said, almost laughing. "So odd, you calling him that after your whole 'Avatar and honour' phase."

"I was misinformed," he said frostily, crossing his arms.

"Whatever helps you sleep at night Zuzu," she said, elegantly wiping chilli dust of her fingertips with a napkin.

"Like I was saying," said Zuko. "Pack a bag, we're leaving tonight to the Sun Warriors."

"Zuko," said Azula slowly. "The Sun Warriors no longer exist. They died out a myriad ago."

"Firstly, a myriad is far too long ago," said Zuko, containing his annoyance, but barely. "I doubt the first avatar was alive then. Secondly, you'll see when we get there."

"I don't want to go," said Azula coolly. "It sounds like we're going to go visit an old ruin, do some sightseeing and die in a ditch--trapped by gripping grass, hands eaten by flytraps and maggot slugs in every single orifice."

"I get it Zula," said Zuko, grimacing. "No need to be so graphic."

Azula smirked. 

It was his last resort but Zuko said, "We're going to see the dragons." 

Azula's eyes snapped towards him, the gleaming gold unnervingly bright. 

There was a long uncomfortable silence that followed. Zuko waited, and Azula frowned, biting the inner corner of her lip. The small gesture was uncannily Ursa's: the more Azula grew up, the more of their mother he saw in the shadows of her face.

And more of Ozai's in his.

"Fine," she said finally, and Zuko knew a dismissal when he heard one.

"We'll leave at nightfall," he said, as he left.

"Sure Zuzu," he heard Azula murmur as he shut the door.

* * *

"Did you just cancel all your meetings?" said Sokka as he strolled into Zuko's room. 

He gave Zuko a small, private smile, the kind that felt like it melted his insides into goo. "I'm glad that I can spend more time with you."

"Actually," said Zuko, rubbing his hand at the back of his head. "I'm going away for a few days and Uncle's going to take care of things for me."

"Where are you going?" said Sokka, flopping down on Zuko's large bed. " _Oh,_ these sheets are _nice._ " He ran an appreciative hand over the silk bedspread. 

"Sun Warriors," said Zuko, picking up his swords and strapping the sheaths across his back. The familiar heft was as comforting to him as the fire within him.

"You got back your jerkbending back the first time," said Sokka rolling his eyes and sitting up, his fingers circling around Zuko's wrist. "Do you have to?"

Zuko looked at Sokka's wide, beseeching, morning glory eyes and groaned. "I have to take Azula there."

Sokka's eyes narrowed marginally--if Zuko hadn't been paying such close attention to his every movement with fervour, he would have missed it.

"You don't think that's a good idea," said Zuko, twisting his hand out of Sokka's.

Sokka looked like his favourite flower had withered in front of him. "I never said that."

"You didn't have to."

"Zuko, you know I'll support whatever you want to do--" he held up a hand when Zuko opened his mouth to say something. "But I have to ask this first: Are you _absolutely_ certain that this is a good idea?"

"Sokka, Azula's my _sister,_ " said Zuko, lips pulling back in a familiar snarl. He pressed them together and took a deep breath--he wouldn't let his anger get the better of him.

"I like planning because I don't like uncertainties," said Sokka, dragging the heels of his palms over his face. "And right now, from a logical viewpoint, Azula is nothing but an uncertainty to me."

"I don't think that," said Zuko stubbornly, and Sokka smiled weakly.

"I had a feeling that you'd say that," said Sokka, getting up and brushing Zuko's cheek in a chaste kiss, a farewell. 

Zuko wanted to pull him close, to kiss him till both of them could only breathe in gasps, Sokka's cool fingers against the feverish skin over his spine, their names echoing across the high ceiling.

He didn't say anything. 

"I have a meeting with the Northern Tribe Ambassador," said Sokka, not meeting his eyes.

"Good luck," said Zuko slowly. He swallowed the 'I love you' that sat on the tip of his tongue--it didn't fit with the tense silence that filled the room.

"You too," said Sokka before he shut the door and left.

Zuko collapsed on the edge of the bed, taking deep breaths, his face in his hands. 

"How do I always fuck up the good things?" he thought miserably and let out a cold, bitter laugh.

* * *

"Where's lover boy?" asked Azula when Zuko walked out to where Appa was waiting. Aang was already waiting, scratching Appa's ear.

Azula neatly step-sided Appa's huge tongue as he tried to lick her.

Zuko grit his teeth.

"Having a tiff, are we?" said Azula, undercurrents of mocking in her voice.

He would not rise to the bait. So instead he scowled and climbed onto Appa, sitting in a furthermost corner of the saddle. 

"Take care," said Katara, kissing Aang before turning back to Zuko. 

"Sokka said he's meeting with Kanaaq," said Katara slowly. "Something about inter-tribe trade routes." 

"He mentioned that," said Zuko. 

Katara looked troubled and opened her mouth to say something before shaking her head slightly and closing it. 

Suki waved and he reciprocated, smiling slightly as she mouthed, 'Don't die.' 

Mai and Ty Lee weren't there (those two and Azula were never seen anywhere near each other--so at odds with the inseparable trio they used to be.) 

Zuko held out hope that maybe Sokka would come, but as Appa rose into the air, he watched Katara, Suki and the Palace fade in the distance, Sokka was nowhere in sight. 

* * *

"Stop brooding," said Azula, taking a bite of her tea sandwich. 

"I'm not brooding," said Zuko, lying back on the saddle and watching the stars. 

They had left as the sunset, and as the headed north, the sky darkened to ink, tufts of grey clouds swirling around them. 

He could see that they were following the North Star, and he remembered Sokka's low voice whispering the legend of Nuniq to him. It was just the two of them but they had still spoken in whispers, the fledging emotions between them still just their secret. 

"Is everything all right with you and Sokka?" said Aang, his grey eyes shining with concern. 

"It's fine," lied Zuko. They hadn't shouted at each other--there were no insults thrown nor had they raised their voices. 

It wasn't like the fights he had had in the past--even when Uncle had not argued, Zuko had always been petty and mean. The ugly words he had said still brought shame flooding across his cheeks in hot flashes. 

But anger was an easier emotion to digest compared to disappointment. 

He'd spent so much of his teen years, believing he was worthless, undeserving of his title and it had therefore been rightfully stripped from him. The brand on his face was a reminder of his failure. 

He knew better now but there was still a niggling insecurity within. 

Sokka was justified, Zuko should have been more careful with his words, should have let go of his stubbornness and hubris; he should have listened. 

"Zuzu," said Azula, waving her hand in front of his face. "How much longer?" 

"Aang?" 

"We should be there before sunrise," said Aang, following Zuko's example and lying down. 

Azula snapped, "And how long is that?" 

Zuko patted the space next to him. "Appa knows the way Azula. Just go to sleep." 

Azula pouted, and with her hair escaping from her usually neat bun, the wisps tucked behind her ear, she looked like she used to years ago. When things were so much simpler. 

Azula obstinately sat up in the corner of the saddle, but later, Zuko felt her weight shift as she laid down next to him. 

"Not a word," she warned, curling away from him and facing the other side. 

Zuko pantomimed sewing shut his lips even though she couldn't see him. 

He closed his eyes, and he felt Aang shift towards him--firebenders ran warm and even in the Fire Nation, in the middle of the night in the middle of the sky, it tended to get a tad bit cold. 

Azula lasted longer--she had always been determined. 

* * *

_"She can do anything she sets her mind to," whispered Ursa to Iroh as they watched a four-year-old Azula light a bonfire, the azure licks of flame burning bright and clap her hands with glee._

_And Zuko, who had been a good brother at the time, preened proudly and said, "Of course she can. She's Azula."_

* * *

It may have been wishful thinking on Zuko's behalf, but when Azula caved in and tucked herself against his side, he thought it was because maybe, just maybe, things were going back to the way they used to be. 

* * *

Zuko woke up to Aang poking him in the ribs. 

"Aang, what the--" began Zuko, slapping his hand away. 

"Look," said Aang insistently, pointing at the view. 

Zuko looked and for a moment there was silence--just him and the red of the sun as it seeped into the sky, casting light over the sculpted stone of the Sun Warrior Civilisation. 

"It's beautiful," whispered Zuko and for a moment he was back on the rooftop of Mai's villa, with Sokka next to him, the promise of more in the air. 

The feeling shrivelled when he remembered the way they had left things. 

"Wake up Zula," he said, pushing his own pain aside and focusing on her. 

"Go away Zuzu," she said, turning away from him. 

"Azula, we're here," he said again, and she grumbled but sat up and stilled as she saw the panorama before her. Her lips were parted and there was awe in her eyes.

A warm feeling spread around his solar plexus as he watched Azula soak in the sight. 

"I think she's going to be okay," said Aang kindly, just to Zuko. 

He smiled softly. "Me too." 

* * *

"Avatar Aang and Fire Lord Zuko," said the Sun Warrior Chief with a curt nod as they dismounted from Appa. "I hear that we have you to thank for the end of the Hundred Year War."

"Not just us," began Aang, as he spoke, Zuko turned to Azula.

She was slinking in the shadows, almost pressed up against one of Appa's legs and constantly rubbing her palms together or reaching to her shoulder and coming up empty-handed.

Zuko was glad that he had made her keep her _katanas_ in the saddle--he doubted the Sun Warriors would have taken her wielding of blades kindly.

"What brings you here?" he asked after Aang was done recounting the tale of the day of Sozin's Comet--more a formality than anything else as his eyes were trained on Azula.

The Sun Warriors looked at her with thinly concealed distrust, and some of them with open hatred. 

No doubt that they had heard of her--the Crown Princess and bending prodigy. 

And Ozai's heir.

But that was who she used to be. Zuko had no intention of letting her go back to that dark place so he held his chin high and said, "Honoured Chief, my sister Azula wishes to relearn her bending from the Masters."

"Do you swear that you will not betray the trust my tribe bestows upon you?" said the Chief, holding up a flickering flame within his cupped palms.

Azula held out her hand, palm held just above the flicks of the fire. "I swear upon my honour."

"Then come," he said.

* * *

Azula kneeled in front of the Eternal Flame, Aang resting one hand on her forehead, the other over her heart. When he opened his eyes, they glowed the eerie white of the Avatar State.

His palms lit up like the afternoon sun and Azula let out a sigh of relief, head tipping back.

When Aang let go, she stood and held up her hands. Wreaths of azure fire snaked around her forearms.

" _Ashmaker,"_ hissed a voice from the crowd and Zuko clenched his fists.

Attacking one of the Sun Warriors own would grant him no favours.

"You must carry the Eternal Flame to the top of the mountain--" said the Chief as he gave Zuko a piece of the flame. It felt like a tiny heartbeat.

"Be careful," said Zuko to Azula as she cradled the fire in her hands. "You have to maintain it at a constant--"

"I think I know _something_ about firebending," said Azula through grit teeth, focusing on her flame as she climbed. "Don't patronise me."

"And remember when you see the Masters Ran and Shaw--"

"Yeah, yeah, perform the Dancing Dragon."

Once they reached the platform, the Sun Warriors began to beat their drums in a steady staccato, forming the ceremonial rings of fire. 

"Those who wish to meet the masters, Ran and Shaw, will now present their fire," bellowed the Chief. "Sound the call!"

The shofar was sounded and the floor beneath Zuko's feet began to rumble. In the cave before him, great yellow eyes open--glowing in the dark.

The dragons flew out of their caves in a flurry of wings and roars, and Zuko whispered, "Now."

They moved in harmony with the dragons--and was everything Zuko loved about his bending, life and warmth and love.

When the dragons opened their maws, gigantic blasts of technicolour fire surrounded them in a swirling pillar.

"This is how it's meant to be," said Azula, awestruck, the colours of the flame reflected in her eyes. "Like the sun within."

* * *

"Fire Lord Zuko," said the Chief as they began to leave. He held out a familiar golden egg-shaped gem, the one that had cost them a night spent in slime. The Sunstone--one of the Sun Warriors most precious treasures.

"For everything that you have done to restore the name of the Fire Nation. I hope that we can have a good relation for scores of years to come."

Zuko reverently took the Sunstone--it felt like the fire, alive and pulsing beneath the golden shell. "It would be my honour Chief. Thank you--not just for this, but for the all the Sun Warriors have done for me and mine."

"Yeah, it's not like you were the first person to touch, which means that it is apparently _rightfully_ yours even though you're not a Sun Warrior," grumbled a Sun Warrior who looked like he had drunk a pitcherful of onion-banana juice. "A blatant injustice if you ask me."

"Quiet, Ham Ghao. No one is asking you," said the Chief before turning back. "If you have any questions once it hatches, the Sun Warriors are more than experienced in the field."

Aang, Azula and Zuko stared.

"Hatches?" asked Zuko in a strangled voice.

"That means--" said Aang, eyes wide and disbelieving.

"It's a dragon egg," finished Azula flatly.

* * *

On the way back, Azula sat curled up with a rainbow flame burning in her palms. Her eyes were closed and her mouth was tilted in a slow smile.

She looked at peace.

"Thank you," said Zuko, gratefulness welling within. "For everything."

"Anything for you, my great-grandchild," said Aang and Zuko groaned.

"I knew I shouldn't have told you about the Roku thing," said Zuko, cradling the Sunstone-- _dragon egg,_ in his arms.

Aang peered curiously at it. "I can't believe they gave that to you--not because it's _you_ but because it's one of the last dragon eggs _ever-_ -"

"Aang, you're rambling," said Zuko cutting him off. He loved Aang like the younger brother he never had but if no one stopped him, he would probably talk forever.

"Oh," he said sheepishly and laughed awkwardly. "Sorry."

"It's fine." 

The shell was almost like gold--thin and metallic. "Can I?" asked Aang, extending his hands.

"Be careful," said Zuko, gently handing it over.

"It feels like fire," said Aang, delicately placing his palm over the shell. 

"I can't believe that there's going to be another dragon," said Zuko. "And I'm going to be the one taking care of it."

Suddenly he realised the overwhelming responsibility that it was. "Oh _Agni_ ," he said, covering his face with his hands. "It's one of the last dragons in _existence._ And _I_ am going to be the one taking care of it."

"You have me and Katara, we'll come and help if you need us to," said Aang. "Then Toph would _definitely_ be a bad influence but she would help too. Your Uncle, the Kyoshi Warriors and... Sokka."

He said the last word carefully--like he was afraid Zuko would shatter at the mere mention of his name.

"I messed up," admitted Zuko, head hanging low. "I was stubborn and inconsiderate--I didn't even hear him out."

"Why didn't you?" said Aang and Zuko groaned. 

"I don't know."

"Think Zuko. The problem always lies a little before things went wrong."

"I..." he said, a weight pressing down on his chest. "I'm..."

"Zuko..." began Aang.

He snapped. "I don't _deserve_ him," snarled Zuko, realisation crashing down him. _"I_ don't deserve _him._ "

"That's not true," said Aang, inching closer, the warmth from the Sunstone-- _dragon egg_ , seeping into him. 

"Zuzu, you're an idiot if that's what you think," said Azula, as she opened one eye and glared at him.

"You heard?" said Zuko.

Azula rolled her eyes, dissipating the flame in her hands. "I was meditating, not dead."

"Azula's right Zuko," said Aang. "Huh, I never thought I'd say that sentence. No offence," he added, holding up a hand and backing away as quickly as carrying a dragon egg would allow him.

Azula carefully plucked the egg from Aang's hands and tucked it into the crook of her arm.

"Listen," she said, holding the egg close. "You are a--" she shuddered before she said, "In the words of other people, a _catch_. Everyone makes mistakes. I made more than my fair share, and you still forgave me. Not a lot of people would have. Not a lot of people will."

He knew she was thinking of the venomous hiss of _ashmaker._

"You just have to believe Zuko," said Aang. 

_'In what? In who?_

_The mother who abandoned me?_

_The father who never loved me?'_

"In family," said Aang wisely and Katara's words echoed in his ears: 'We choose our own family. "

His family was Toph, her too hard punches and raunchy jokes, Iroh, his patient smiles and always steaming tea, Aang and his endless joy and patience, Katara's care and compassion. 

Suki and her fierce determination. Ty Lee and her ineffable spirit. Mai, whom he owed so much to. 

Even Azula and her cutting smiles and awkward pep talks was slowly becoming a part of his unusual family. 

And then there was Sokka. 

Sokka who cared so much that he _made_ something to help him. Sokka whose hand fit perfectly in his, and the way his head slotted in the crook of Zuko's neck. 

Sokka and his puns and brilliant ideas. 

Sokka and the way he said Zuko's name against his lips. 

Sokka who had _his_ name inked onto his skin--a testament, that Zuko hadn't known about for so long. 

Sokka, who loved him. 

Things would never be ideal and perfect--like the end of Love Amongst the Dragons that Ursa used to read to him. 

But love was a powerful thing, and Zuko knew that if he tried, anything was possible. 

So Zuko knew that when he was back, he would do whatever it took to make things right with Sokka. 

Sokka, the love of his life. 

The realisation made him laugh dopily.

"Did you just _giggle?"_ said Aang incredulously. 

"Ignore him," said Azula, running careful fingers on the shell of the egg. "He's thinking about the Water Tribe Peas--Ambassador." 

"Thank you," said Zuko, eyes focused on Caldera looming in the distance. "I know that I have to do." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What would y'all think if I wrote a Zukka or Korrasami Red string of fate AU?  
> Not right now, a bit in the future because I am currently drowning in other things but let me know if that's something y'all would like.


	11. Part 10: It's you, it's you, it's all for you... everything I do

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from 'Video Games' by Lana Del Rey  
> .  
> *updates the chapter number, again* I hate myself.  
> I swear this is the last time.

"Welcome back," said Uncle as they climbed off Appa. Aang stepped of carefully, taking the egg with him, softening his fall with airbending. "Avatar Aang, Fire Lord Zuko and Princess Azula."

"Uncle, you don't have to call us by our titles," said Zuko as he dropped down from the saddle with ease. "It's so cluttering."

"Show off," he heard Azula mumble before she tucked herself into a roll and somersaulted out of the saddle.

"And I am the one who's showing-off," said Zuko, almost affectionately, the beginning of a smile on his face till he saw the tense set of his Uncle's shoulders, the excess of Kyoshi Warriors in the periphery.

Aang seemed to notice too; he held his chin higher and asked, "Is everything alright?"

"Unfortunately Avatar, there was an assassination attempt last night," said Iroh gravely, and Zuko stilled.

"No one was hurt," said Uncle quickly when he discerned the stricken expression of Zuko's face. "And they caught the assailants."

"How did they manage to come in the Palace?" asked Zuko flatly. 

"Nephew, perhaps..." began Iroh but Zuko cut him off. 

"How did they manage to come in the Palace?" he repeated. 

Iroh sighed. "We don't know. They refused to talk, and we wanted to wait for you before interrogating them." 

"They're in the dungeons, I presume," said Azula, raising a perfectly manicured hand, her once talon-like nails short and oval, two fingers held up. 

The smell of ozone hit Zuko like a summer storm and he felt the hair on his arms rise. 

"Give me two minutes with them," she said, and static filled the air. 

"Azula," warned Zuko, backing away. He believed that Azula was doing better, he _truly_ did, but after being struck by lightning _twice_ , he wasn't taking any chances. 

Aang and Uncle were doing the same--Aang cradling the egg delicately in his arms. 

"You're no fun Zuzu," said Azula but lowered her arm. 

"Who found them?" asked Zuko, turning to Iroh who was gazing at the dragon egg with unconcealed fascination. 

"Toph and Ambassador Sokka, according to the reports," said Uncle and Zuko first felt disbelief and then unyielding rage. 

"Not that they needed help, but the Kyoshi Warriors and Master Katara arrived within moments and helped incarcerate the attackers," said Uncle slowly. "By the time I found out, they were already in a cell." 

Zuko took a deep breath and said, "Please ask Toph to meet me at the dungeons as soon as she can." 

"Nephew, you just had a long journey--" tried Iroh but Zuko was already heading towards the corridor that would lead him to the cells. 

"He feels responsible," he heard Aang say to Uncle before he turned sharply through the entrance and began his meandering descent. 

The brass sconces on the walls were cold and dusty--with a flick of his fingers they were burning bright--far too hot, their red glow strange and haunting.

By the time he reached the cells, Toph was already waiting for him. 

"Took ya long enough Sparky," she said, leaning against the tungsten bars--no firebender, not even Azula, would be able to melt them. 

"Not everyone can create tunnels in the Earth to take them wherever they want." 

Toph laughed, boisterous and loud. "That's true, not everyone can be like me. Actually, no one can be like me." 

The hot anger in his chest had coalesced to cold wrath, and he observed the three prisoners in the cells--two men and one woman, wearing the same deep red garb--the uniform of the imperial firebenders. That would have helped them blend in--but that was once they were inside; it didn't explain how they found their way into the most guarded place in the Fire Nation, possibly the entire world.

And all of them had the same sharp features, almond eyes with burning gold irises--Fire Nationals. 

"Toph, I need you to tell me if what they say is the truth," said Zuko, and she nodded, neatly stepping back. 

"Who sent you?" said Zuko, voice sharp and cold. The oldest among them--who looked barely looked like he was in his thirties--laughed. 

"As if we'd tell you," he said and spat at Zuko's face. 

Zuko sighed and it evaporated before it got near him. "I thought you'd be more original," he said, arms crossed.

They remained silent.

"Was it the New Ozai Society?" said Zuko, and they visibly tensed. Well, that was fast.

"Definitely," said Toph. "Their heart rates are like they saw the Sea Serpent."

Zuko really didn't want to know what _that_ was.

"Nephew," said Iroh, walking gracefully--he did everything like that, even walking into dungeons. "I would like to speak to you for a moment."

_"Now?"_

"Yes, now, Zuko," said Iroh and the assailants looked at him carefully, at the scar that marred his face.

"So this is the great Fire Lord," drawled one of them but before they could say anymore, scraps of metal peeled of the bars of the neighbouring cell and fastened around their mouths in a gag.

Zuko stared at Toph and she gave him a two-finger salute.

"Zuko, you are tired," said Uncle and when Zuko opened his mouth to say something, he held up a hand. "You are tired, and you are not in the right state to interrogate _anyone._ And these things require patience and time, like a game of Pai Sho. Play your moves right and they won't notice until they lose."

And Zuko was tired. The trip had been a respite from the troubles of court, but it wasn't enough, not nearly enough.

He wanted to see Sokka, to spend time with his friends, to be a normal teenager instead of the Fire Lord.

Uncle had played his tiles well; Zuko hadn't noticed until he lost the argument.

"If you think it's best," he murmured finally. 

Iroh smiled kindly. "Toph and I are more than capable Nephew."

"That's not what--"

"I know Zuko," said Iroh gently, placing his hands on Zuko's shoulders. "But none of this is your fault."

A tight knot in his chest loosened slightly. 

"Thank you, Uncle, for everything."

Iroh hugged him, and it felt like the day of Sozin's Comet again, when Zuko finally understood what unconditional love meant.

It felt like coming home. 

* * *

"You're back!" said Ty Lee, bounding up and hugging him the moment she noticed him in the hallway.

He tensed slightly, but Ty Lee's warm and bubbly nature washed it away. 

"Your aura is brighter," she said, examining his eyes. "Where did you go, again?"

Zuko was saved from answering when Mai appeared behind Ty Lee, giving him a curt nod and a small smile before kissing her.

He looked away, not wanting to intrude.

They broke apart and Mai shot him a flat look. "Spirits, I almost forgot how awkward get."

"I was gone for less than a day, Mai. Also," he said, trying his best not to appear lovesick. "Do you know where Sokka is?"

"He's been moping all day," said Mai.

"Try the turtleduck pond," said Ty Lee at the same time.

"Thanks, Ty Lee," he said, heading towards the gardens. "And Mai too, I guess."

* * *

Sokka sat at the ledge of the turtleduck pond, feeding them oats.

Zuko froze for a moment, watching how the sunlight painted his skin a burnished bronze, his blue eyes like chips of sea glass that he used to find on the beach of Ember Island.

"You're back," said Sokka, looking up, fiddling with his whalebone choker.

The silence that followed was heavy and suffocating before they both said, "I'm sorry" at the same time.

"Sokka, you did nothing wrong--"

"I didn't listen to you--"

"Sokka," said Zuko, holding his hands between his own, their palms calloused from spending hours clutching the hilt of swords. "I should have talked to you, I should have listened and not left like that."

"You shouldn't have left," agreed Sokka, looking away, but not pulling back his hands.

"I know," said Zuko, his voice a pained whisper. "I know."

"Then why did you?" Sokka's eyes were like a storm brewing at sea.

"I thought... I thought that I didn't deserve someone like you."

Sokka let go of Zuko's hands and for a moment Zuko was _terrified-_ -that Sokka was going to come to his senses and leave, just like the voice in his head was telling him all along.

But then Sokka took Zuko's face in his hands said fiercely, "Don't you dare say that ever again."

A strangled cry escaped from his lips and his eyes watered but Sokka's hands didn't move.

"I love you," said Sokka, over and over again as Zuko held onto him for dear life, scared that if he let go, it would break apart like a dream.

* * *

"They gave you a dragon?!" shouted Sokka incredulously and Zuko was glad that the kitchens were empty. 

"A dragon's egg," corrected Zuko from where he sat on the counter, swiping the sweet cream from the hot cake Sokka was eating.

"Hey!" said Sokka indignantly. "Get your own, hotman."

"Hotman?" said Zuko slyly, smirking, and Sokka sputtered. 

"Aang's ridiculous slang is infectious--"

Zuko leaned forward till they were a breath apart, and watched as the dark of Sokka's eyes dilated.

"And you don't think that?" murmured Zuko and Sokka audibly gulped.

"I'd like awkward turtleduck Zuko back," said Sokka weakly.

Zuko raised a brow and leaned forward. Sokka kissed him hungrily, the taste of cinnamon and vanilla lingering on his tongue.

"Hey, lovebirds!" shouted Toph from the doorway, and Sokka jumped away from his touch like it burned. "Uncle's calling you to his room. He told to bring the tin of ginseng."

Zuko removed the tin from the shelf, and Sokka brushed his fingers against his upper lip.

"You... had a... a cream moustache," said Sokka, blushing.

Zuko smiled. "Thanks. Let's go," he said grabbing Sokka by his arm and dragging him away.

"If I admit you're a hotman, will you let me go?"

* * *

The first thing Zuko saw as he entered Iroh's rooms was Azula standing with pages and pages spread out on the teak table before her.

She pushed a list towards Iroh and muttered something under her breath when she noticed him in the doorway, his fingers still entwined with Sokka's.

"They talked?" asked Zuko, trying to read what was written on the papers--his head hurt slightly as he deciphered a guard schedule and the blueprint of the palace. _Agni,_ it was so much easier to do with the glasses.

"There was no need," said Azula smoothly. "I figured it out."

She tapped a finger against a spot on the palace walls. "Looks familiar?"

"The garden trapdoor," said Zuko, a sinking feeling in his chest, and Sokka's hand tightened against his.

Azula nodded and showed him the list with carefully underlining brushstrokes. She pointed to the time above it. 

"When there was a guard change, they snuck in," said Azula and Zuko felt a vice tightening around his throat.

"Have them tighten--" began Zuko but Azula interrupted, handing him a freshly inked sheet.

"The new schedule," she said and Zuko marvelled at how quickly she had done everything. "I already had a copy sent to your chief of security--Su?"

"Suki," corrected Zuko. "How did you figure it out so easily?"

"What, like it's hard?" said Azula, tipping her head to the side and looking at him with cold eyes.

"Did you bring the ginseng, Nephew?" interrupted Uncle, and Zuko wordlessly handed him the tin.

Sokka had let go of Zuko's hand and was carefully over the Palace schematics. 

"For the world's most secure palace, there sure are a lot of potential hiding places here," said Sokka as he circled the patch of bamboo trees along the outer walls in black ink.

"Tell me about it," said Azula and Sokka looked surprised but gave her a tentative nod.

"Excuse me," said Zuko as he left the room, the tightness in his chest refusing to yield. Two pairs of worried and one pair of bored eyes watched as he walked out.

* * *

"I thought I'd find you here," said Sokka, climbing up onto the tiled roof of the pagoda. "Having a good brood?"

"I'm not brooding," snapped Zuko, his eyes gazing moodily at the storm clouds hanging heavy above.

"Sure you're not jerkbender," said Sokka, sitting down next to him.

"You should go inside," said Zuko, as the wind picked up, a definite harbinger. In the distance, he could hear the crash of thunder and even from afar, the hair at the back of his neck raised at the static.

"Not for a while," said Sokka, eyeing the particularly dark patch of clouds near the volcano's crest. 

"It's not your fault Zuko."

He laughed bitterly at that.

"Then who's is it?"

"New _fucking_ Ozai Society's," said Sokka easily. "For not understanding how much better you are making things--for everyone."

Zuko remained silent.

"You know," said Sokka conversationally. "When I was back in the South--we held the glacier spirit's festival for the first time in a hundred years. It was small--just a few stalls selling seaweed wraps, _akutaq_ or puffin-seal sausages. The northerners even put on a waterbending display: the kids were so excited. All without the fear of black snow."

"I just did what should have been done long ago," said Zuko and Sokka looked at him like ' _are you fucking kidding me?'_

"Are you fucking kidding me?" said Sokka, taking Zuko's hands in his. " _Aakuluk,_ you have literally changed the world for the better--several times over. Stop beating yourself up."

"Something could have happened to you," said Zuko softly. "And I wouldn't have even been there."

"I'm right here," said Sokka, brushing his thumb against the smooth skin over his cheekbone. "Also, frankly, I'm insulted. I can handle myself in a fight."

"Believe me," said Zuko, unconsciously rubbing his hand over the back of his neck, where Sokka's boomerang had hit--leaving him with a pounding headache for days after. "I am aware."

A cold drop of water fell onto his nose and slid off the end and Zuko looked up, only to be rewarded with rain in his eyes.

Sokka laughed as the rain fell harder, soaking through the pale blue tunic. The droplets stuck to his eyelashes in beads, and the curve of his grin was so inviting that Zuko defenestrated all restraint and kissed him.

_"Koishī,"_ murmured Zuko against Sokka's lips as the rain crashed around them, looping his arms behind Sokka's neck and Sokka kissed ardently, and Zuko shivered slightly, and it had nothing to do with the chill seeping in.

Thunder sounded, loud and reverberant, and they broke apart, grinning wildly.

"We should go inside," said Zuko, not wanting to let go.

"Yeah, before we get a cold," said Sokka, getting up to his feet, and helping Zuko up.

"Hold on," said Zuko, and he let the fire of his chi warm them both.

"Tui and La," said Sokka, sighing as they climbed back into the building. "This feels good."

"Race you," said Zuko taking off in a mad dash.

"No fair," said Sokka, chasing after him, their laughter echoing through the ancient corridors.

"I win!" said Zuko, as he leaned against the doorframe of his room.

"Are you sure?" asked Sokka, his arms fastening around Zuko's waist, pressing a kiss to the nape of his neck.

"Definitely," said Zuko, turning back and pulling Sokka against him, their lips colliding.

Lightning crackled in the distance but Zuko didn't care because all he could think about was how warm Sokka was and the way he ran feather-light fingers down his spine, causing Zuko to gasp. 

_"Aishiteru,"_ whispered Zuko, a phrase that he had heard so rarely, in the cold palace of his childhood. He never thought he would ever say it--never thought it would be within the walls of this Palace that was once so frigid, but now filled with laughter, warmth, life and love.

Sokka's soft smile was like Southern Lights he had mentioned so reverently--so blinding beautiful.

" _Asavakkit,"_ he breathed and Zuko felt invincible as their lips met once more, the strains of the summer storm echoing all around them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Come take a walk on the wild side//  
> //Let me kiss you hard in the pouring rain*  
> -Born to Die, Lana Del Rey  
> .  
> Your otp calling each other endearments in their native language is something that can be so personal.  
> .  
> In Inuktitut  
> 'Aakuluk' means dear  
> 'Asavakkit' means I love you  
> .  
> In Japanese  
> 'Koishī' means darling  
> 'Aishiteru' means I love you (in a very deep and intimate sense)  
> .  
> As I am posting this there is a storm going on and I know it's very romantic in the fic but I am jumping every time thunder crashes because it is *so loud*  
> .  
> Next chapter will take time because I am currently drowning in exams and such, so please be patient with me.


	12. Part 11: It simply isn't an adventure worth telling if there aren't any dragons

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title is a quote from J. R. R. Tolkien.  
> .  
> Sorry it took me so long to write this, I had a bunch of exams and I got into a slump, and it was all around, not the best.  
> But I now have the room to breathe and write this chapter the way I wanted to.

When Sokka woke up, he was alone and slightly cold--which while mildly depressing, was what he was used to. 

_Wait a minute..._

"Zuko?" called out Sokka, looking up. 

Zuko was sitting in the patch of sunlight, right in the middle of the room--curled up on the floor and bathed in light. 

"Zuko?" said Sokka again, getting off the bed, and sitting down next to him. "Is everything okay?"

There was a haunted, hollow look in his gold eyes as he looked up. 

"Yes..." began Zuko but then sighed and said, "No, not really." 

"Do you want to talk about it?" said Sokka, running comforting circles across his back. 

"Today is the day my mother... Left," said Zuko bitterly, teeth clenched. "Fa-- _Ozai_ said she was alive, but..." Zuko trailed off, his tight fists smoking. 

Sokka felt awful--he had enough trouble sleeping at night, trying to remember Kya's face. But in a messed up way, he had his closure. 

He couldn't imagine this endless purgatory of waiting--knowing that she was out there but purposely staying away. 

"Hey," said Sokka, taking Zuko's face in his hands. "You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to." 

"No, I do, it's just..."

"Hard," said Sokka, rubbing a finger across Zuko's face, beneath the scar. He never touched it unless Zuko gave him explicit permission--he didn't want to overstep his boundaries, complicate his already tumultuous thoughts about it. 

"You can touch it," said Zuko almost absentmindedly. 

Sokka ran careful fingers over the scar, feeling hate welling within as he imagined Zuko at thirteen, facing--

He squashed the feeling down. It was not the time to curate a plan that made sure Ozai suffered. 

It was to make sure that Zuko was okay. 

"Do you want a hug?" asked Sokka tentatively, remembering the way Hakoda and Kya wrapped him in their arms--they used to call them _Nanuq_ hugs. It helped keep away the cold from his bones and warmed him more than an anorak ever could. 

Katara, Aang and Toph throwing themselves onto him for a surprise group hug--he used to pretend to hate them at first, but now he was more than grateful for them. 

Zuko nodded and Sokka wrapped his arms around him, and Zuko placed his head on Sokka's shoulder, hot puffs of air warming his skin. 

Sokka could feel Zuko trembling beneath his arms, and he held on tightly. 

"It's been a year Sokka," said Zuko, voice rough and shaking. "A year since he was put in a cell, a year since the war ended, a year since I became the Fire Lord. Why hasn't she come yet? Why hasn't she come for me?" 

"I don't know, _Aakuluk_ ," said Sokka honestly, running his fingers through the soft hair at the nape of Zuko's neck. "But we'll figure this out\-- _together_." 

"Because I'm here," said Sokka, as Zuko took deep breaths, steadying himself. "And I'm not to go anywhere." 

The door opened slightly and Sokka saw Suki peek in. Her eyes widened and her lips parted slightly but she mouthed an apology before quickly closing the door again. 

"I have a meeting with my finance minister--" said Zuko but Sokka cut him off. 

"You're taking the day off." 

Zuko was still looking shaken but somehow managed to scowl. "Sokka, I'm the Fire Lord, I can't take the day off--"

"Actually," said Sokka, "Every Fire Nation citizen is entitled to two weeks of paid sick leave--"

"Sokka--"

"I'm sure you're more than familiar with the act considering it had your seal--"

"Honestly--"

"And since you are, in fact, a fire national, you can take the day off if you're not feeling well."

"I feel fine," said Zuko, his voice rough and raw.

Sokka lifted a brow. "Do you want me to call Iroh and Toph?"

Zuko glared at him. "You wouldn't dare."

"Try me."

They both held each other's gaze, Sokka refusing to let his stare soften because of the way Zuko's eyelashes swept across his eyes when he narrowed them.

"Fine," said Zuko petulantly, crossing his arms. "I'll take the day off."

"Great," said Sokka, leaning forward so that he could brush his lips against Zuko's in a quick kiss. "I'll just go get us some breakfast."

"Sokka," said Zuko, in the tone which always implied ' _you're being ridiculous_ '. "I'm not an invalid. I think I can walk to the kitchens."

"Maybe," said Sokka. "But how about I go get breakfast and you meditate or use that absurdly large bath you have?"

"Is this your way of telling me I'm being uptight?"

"No," said Sokka, placing his hands on Zuko's shoulders. "Well, maybe. But you do need to relax. Then, after we eat, we can go set fire to the portraits of some of your stuffy, bigoted ancestors."

Finally, Zuko smiled, and it was like the sun breaking from behind blotted clouds. "I can do that."

* * *

"Where's Zuko?" asked Suki when Sokka came in, her mouth pressed into a thin line. 

"He's taking the day off because he's not feeling well," said Sokka, ladling gruel into porcelain bowls. Suki tensed even more. "What's wrong?" 

"What makes you think that?" said Suki, her fingers tightening over the edge of her fan.

"Suki..."

" _Fine_ ," she said, looking up. "So I personally oversee the security for the part of the palace where Azula stays--"

"Did Katara make you do that?"

"No," scoffed Suki. "I have common sense too. Anyway, just listen.

"She's being a bit... _off_ today. I mean, more than usual. She's not letting anyone come in, including Mei Ling."

From what Zuko had told Sokka, Azula was close to Mei Ling and listened to her; well, most of the time. If she wasn't able to--

"Are those fire lilies?" asked Ty Lee incredulously from the doorway. At the center of the table, a large vase brimming with full blossoms--their petals the colour of a vivid sunset, brushed with flakes of gold pollen.

"Don't let Azula see those," warned Mai, one hand brushing against her sleeve--presumably where she hid her knives.

Sokka set aside the bowls and smacked his palm against his forehead. "Their mother," said Sokka, the pieces falling into place.

Ty Lee's cheery demeanor had diminished considerably. "It's complicated."

"Azula's always hated today," said Mai, her fingers threading through Ty Lee's almost absentmindedly. "She said she didn't care about her mother, but she does. She always has."

"And Zuko," whispered Sokka. 

"He misses her," said Mai simply. 

"She was wonderful," said Ty Lee, her free hand delicately tracing the edge of the flowers. "Kind and considerate. She once said I was like a daughter to her."

Ty Lee's eyes were glistening, and Mai squeezed her hand tightly. 

"The Fire Nation has-- _had_ a way of warping people, making them into someone they're not. Even Ursa wasn't above that."

"Zuko forgot his dragon--" began Aang as he came in, holding the golden egg in his arms--faltering when he noticed the tension in the room. "I feel like I've missed something."

"You should take those flowers to him," said Mai, and Sokka nodded, carefully picking up the vase, Suki helping him with the bowls he'd left on the table.

"So, I just keep the--" said Aang but Suki nudged him with her elbow and he laughed sheepishly before coming with them.

* * *

"Zuko?" said Sokka as the door was opened. 

Zuko turned around, his hair an ink sheet behind his shoulders, hairbrush in his hand forgotten when he saw the flame-red petals. 

He numbly placed the brush on the counter and moved towards them. 

Sokka was momentarily afraid that he had miscalculated, that the flowers were an unwelcome and painful reminder about a past that Zuko would want to forget. 

"Thank you," said Zuko, anthers tickling his cheeks, cupping Sokka's face in his palms and kissing him,--uncaring that Suki and Aang were averting their eyes in the doorway. 

Sokka balanced the vase precariously and kissed Zuko back, and when he leaned away, their lips were dusted with gold. 

* * *

Mei Ling waited as one of the Kyoshi Warriors knocked on the door to the Fire Lord's private chambers. 

"Suki?" she said. "Someone's here to see the Fire Lord. She says it's urgent." 

There was a flurry of indignant whispers from the other side before Mei Ling heard a clear, "You can come in Chen." 

Chen opened the door and Mei Ling was expecting to see the Fire Lord working at his desk, perhaps with a cup of tea. (everyone in the Palace was aware of the Dragon of the West's love for it; just as they were about their young sovereign's clear adoration of his Uncle.)

What she did not expect was the Fire Lord sitting on a settee with the Southern Tribe Ambassador's legs stretched over his, the Avatar and Warrior Suki perched on the ends, laughing as they ate breakfast--a golden orb placed on one of the low lying tables in front of them. 

What a strange decoration--but she had seen things far more ostentatious than the soft gold of the sculpture. 

"Avatar Aang, Fire Lord Zuko," said Mei Ling, dipping into a bow. 

" _Serapisuto_ Mei Ling," said the Fire Lord, looking so young with his hair tied back in a simple knot, free from the crown. "What do I owe this pleasure?" 

"I wanted to talk about your sister," said Mei Ling carefully, noting how the corners of the Fire Lord's eyes tensed. "Perhaps I should come another time." 

The Fire Lord shook his head, sliding his feet out from underneath the Ambassador's, placing a hand on the Avatar's arm as he moved to say something. 

"It's alright. Is it okay if we do this in the study?" 

Mei Ling nodded, following the Fire Lord into an adjoining room, where he lit a small fire in the stove and placed a kettle on it. 

"Uncle always says it's easier to talk when one has a cup of tea in their hands," said the Fire Lord almost conversationally. 

"General Iroh is a wise man," said Mei Ling. "I am fortunate enough to have learned from him." 

The Fire Lord smiled, adding dried green tea leaves to the boiling water to steep. "As am I." 

"Your majesty--" began Mei Ling but the Fire Lord stopped her with a:

"Please call me Zuko." 

"My Lord--" said Mei Ling uncertainly. It had taken months for Azula to answer to anything other than Princess--her own way of clinging to the past and the person she used to be. 

"Zuko is fine," said the Fire-- _Zuko_ , carefully pouring tea into yunomi cups. "It feels strange to hear people older than I am call me that." 

"If you wish so," said Mei Ling, gratefully accepting the cup of tea. 

"You wanted to talk about Azula?" said Zuko, taking a sip. 

"I did," said Mei Ling carefully. "She isn't allowing me to enter her rooms, much less talk to her. From what I was able to gather, today is the day Fire Lord Azulon passed away. She never mentioned him--but perhaps they were close?"

"My grandfather, much like my father was a cruel man," said Zuko, delicately stirring his tea. "She was named after him--Azula from Azulon. An honour to the Fire Lord, to have a prodigy named after him." 

There was no bitterness in his words, only clinical dissociation. 

"Has she mentioned our mother?" 

Mei Ling thought about the time Azula collapsed in front of the pond, after seeing her reflection for the first time in months. 

Azula avoided mirrors those first few months; handmaids did her hair every morning so she had no need for them. So when she saw herself reflected in the still water, she froze before flinging smooth stones that surrounded the pond into the water, causing the surface to ripple, her face pale. 

She tried to get up, but stumbled, the red silk of her kimono smeared with dirt--and she screamed. 

" _Why do I look like her? Why do I look like the person who abandoned me, who never loved me, who thought I was a monster?_ "

"From what I was able to glean, she has... a complicated relationship with her." 

"I would put it as completely fucked up," said Zuko with a derisive snort. 

Mei Ling looked at him again. On the surface, they were like warped mirror images of each other, paintings that had been altered slightly while creating the next. 

"Why don't you talk to Uncle?" said Zuko, "He is far better equipped at handling angsty teenagers than I am."

"I am only able to disclose details regarding Azula's treatment to her guardian--and only if it is absolutely necessary."

"Her _what_?"

"Guardian," said Mei Ling again. 

Zuko flopped back against one of the chairs. " _Me_?" he said in a strangled voice.

"If I may," said Mei Ling carefully, talking to Zuko like she would to Azula. "You are in charge of an entire country. Surely one person more..."

"I was quite literally, the only choice left for the throne," said Zuko bitterly. "I knew I should have read the document Uncle gave me before I signed it."

"Do you not want to be Fire Lord?" said Mei Ling, sitting down on the spare chair.

" _Agni,_ no," said Zuko. "I mean there are some good parts--lots of good parts but it's also _so hard_."

"What would you do, if you were not the Fire Lord?"

"Probably teach," said Zuko earnestly. "I never really thought about it but teaching Aang was good. Great, in fact. I would have started a theatre troupe-- _nothing_ like the Ember Island Players."

"Why is it hard?" asked Mei Ling gently Zuko looked away.

"I can't sleep, can't eat if I'm too stressed," he admitted like a tap had been turned on and the truth flowed out of him. "I still have nightmares. They're not as bad as they used to be, not as bad as the others' are."

"Others?" asked Mei Ling, concern colouring her voice. 

"All of us have them," said Zuko slowly, wondering if he shouldn't have mentioned them at all. "I know that Sokka, Aang, and Katara do. Toph tries to act like nothing bothers her, but she has them too. Suki mentioned them once; Mai used to have them--I don't know about Ty Lee..."

"Have you considered that you may need counseling Zuko?"

Zuko's skin paled.

"I'm fine," said Zuko with a wave of his hand. "As I said, it happens to us all."

"Have you considered that _all_ of you might benefit from counseling?"

"No?" 

Mei Ling resisted the urge to pinch her nose. Apparently, the most powerful people in the world didn't know basic self-care. 

Which she realised belatedly, was not their fault. 

War did not care about anything-- _anyone_ \--and these _children_ were the ones who sacrificed the most so that it would end. 

"Can you think about it?" said Mei Ling. "If you're uncomfortable with me I can find a colleague to help you." 

"It's not that," said Zuko hurriedly. "I'll have to think about it." 

"Of course," said Mei Ling kindly. 

"About Azula," said Zuko softly, sitting up. "Don't mention Mother today, _at all_. Also, she'll never admit it but whenever she's feeling... Low, she always steals stalknose dumplings from the kitchens." 

"I'll keep that in mind," said Mei Ling getting up. "Thank you for your time." 

Zuko smiled, and it was a slow, hesitant quirk of his lips. 

"He's just a child," thought Mei Ling--not bitterly like some members from the old court, but with worry--as she headed towards the kitchens. "I hope he gets help." 

* * *

"Zuko?" said Sokka, his chest flickering against Zuko's cheek. Zuko lifted his face and looked up from the window seat they were tangled together in. 

"Yeah?" he said, running a slow finger down the high slope of Sokka's cheekbone. 

Sokka shivered slightly, even though the last vestiges of the summer sunlight crept in through the window. 

"Do you think we should see a therapist?" asked Sokka genuinely, his voice wavering slightly, even though he tried to cover it up. 

"If it helped Azula, it can help anyone." 

Zuko's, admittedly poor, joke did not ease Sokka's worries.

"I'm being serious Zuko," said Sokka, lifting himself up by his elbows. "Do you think that... I'm _broken_?" 

"Sokka no," said Zuko, cradling Sokka's jaw in his hand. 

"I think that sometimes," said Sokka bitterly. "Sometimes my leg hurts so bad I think I've broken it again, even though Katara says there's nothing wrong with it." 

"Sometimes I think that my scars are fresh burns," admitted Zuko softly. "Feels like I'm burning all over again. But that doesn't mean I'm broken. 

"Just like yours doesn't mean that. It just means that we've been through hell, and we _lived._ "

Sokka's blue eyes were glistening as he leaned over and kissed him. 

Zuko responded eagerly, breaking and burning banished away as Sokka's soft lips met his. 

_Crack._

"What was that?" whispered Sokka, as Zuko lifted his hands up, ready to strike. 

_Crack._

"Zuko," said Sokka, tugging on the hem of Zuko's sleeve, pointing to the table. 

On it sat the dragon egg, a single but definite fissure present on its golden shell. 

_Crack._

"It's _hatching_ ," said Zuko reverently, moving closer. 

**_Crack._ **

The shell gave away, a small snout peeking out through the hole. 

More fissures spread along the entire shell and it broke open, revealing a _baby dragon_ , its long serpentine body covered with rubicund scales and golden eyes that looked like the sun. 

"Here," said Sokka, handing him a piece of cloth, which Zuko realised was one of his tunics; but at the moment Zuko couldn't care less. 

He picked up the dragon carefully in the tunic, gently wiping away the fluid that covered it. 

It chirped, small wings flaring. 

"Can you go get Katara or Uncle?" said Zuko, turning towards Sokka. 

"That was... Unnerving," said Sokka, and Zuko noticed that the dragon had looked at Sokka at the same time. 

"You have the same eyes," said Sokka before he left. 

Zuko looked down, those burnished eyes looking up at him. 

"Huh," he thought, holding the dragon close. "I guess that's true." 

* * *

Zuko named him Druk--thunderous. 

"That's a terrible name," said Toph as Druk curled around Zuko's arm, chirping and spitting sparks. 

"It won't be," said Zuko, and watched as Druk scampered over and twined around his shoulders. 

He always stayed close to Zuko, Uncle said it was because of his chi--he was always warm because he was a firebender. 

"Hey Druk," said Sokka, feeding him a scrap of jerky. He never let anyone--even Katara or Zuko (who didn't want it in the first place)--go near it, but he always had some for Druk. 

Druk chirped and ate, wrapping himself around Sokka's arm, barely longer than a dagger. 

Sokka was the only one Druk voluntarily let go of Zuko to be near, and Zuko could hardly begrudge him for that. 

"Sokka," said Zuko, and Sokka stopped cooing over Druk and looked at him, and Zuko gestured to the emerald brocade envelope stamped with gold--an invitation from Ba Sing Se for the Anniversary of the end of the war. And the renegotiation of more permanent treaties. 

Zuko and Sokka had planned extensively for the talks, they were more than ready. The issue was with something else entirely. 

"I can't take Azula," said Zuko with a grimace. He hadn't even considered it and neither had she. 

She had changed--there was no doubt about it, but she was still not in a place to travel to the city she conquered, on the day she lost. 

"You can't leave her alone here," said Sokka, scratching the top of Druk's head. 

"I'll stay," said Suki from the doorway. 

"Suki?" said Zuko tentatively. "How long were you here?" 

"Long enough," said Suki, walking up to them. "To know that me staying here with a fraction of the Kyoshi Warriors is the best option. 

"Uncle has to stay here as the interim Fire Lord, and while I trust everyone, I want to be here." 

"Suki, you'll be here all alone," reasoned Sokka. "Mai and Ty Lee won't stay here, not with Azula." 

"I'll have some of the Kyoshi Warriors, Uncle and _Princess,_ " she said dryly. "I don't know how I'll manage without you. Oh, wait, I have--for most of my life." 

"Low blow," said Sokka, shaking his head. "Low blow." 

"Are you sure?" said Zuko. "I know that Mei Ling will be here with Azula, but..." 

"I'll be fine," said Suki, wrapping an arm around his shoulder. "Both of you work on the presentation of some bizarrely brilliant idea that I'm sure you have." 

"What bizarrely brilliant idea?" said Zuko a bit too loud, and Sokka elbowed him. 

"Good luck," said Suki with a sweet smile and a wave before she disappeared in the corridors. 

* * *

" _Agni_ bless you," said Iroh, laying a palm on Zuko's head. "I know that you'll do wonderfully Nephew." 

"Thank you, Uncle," said Zuko, and was enveloped in a hug. 

"Don't get into any trouble, _shōakuma,"_ said Iroh, scratching Druk's chin and he chirped quietly. 

"Don't die," said Azula, fixing a glare that was lacking its previously usual venom. "That would be inconvenient." 

"I'll try my best," said Zuko, climbing onto the ramp. "Don't commit arson." 

"I'll try my best." 

Zuko huffed a laugh and heard the mechanism whir as the airship started. 

" _Mata ne,"_ he said as they rose in the air, watching everyone standing on the Palace steps shrink as they ascended. 

"Hey," said Sokka, coming from behind, and wrapping his arms around Zuko's waist only after he'd spoken. "Feeling okay?" 

Zuko looked at the Caldera below them, streets with lanterns and lights strung all across them in celebration, the constant laughter that echoed from inside the ship--a promise of his friends who waited inside, Druk curled up around his neck, and Sokka's arms around him. 

There was a promise of tomorrow in the air--a better one, something he hadn't dare to dream of for so long. 

"I'm great," said Zuko, turning his head so that Sokka could kiss him, and when Sokka's lips met his, the fire within him blazed brighter, and he smiled. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Zuko and Sokka are really re-enacting the iconic scene from Titanic with a confused Druk the dragon sandwiched between them, huh?  
> .  
> Nanuq means polar bear in Inuktitut.  
> Japanese:  
> Serapisuto-Therapist  
> Yunomi-Type of cup to serve tea  
> Shōakuma-Little devil  
> Mata ne-See you  
> .  
> Thank you for all the kudos and comments, they mean so much to me!  
> .  
> There will be an epilogue and while I have more time now, I still have so much to do so I can't promise anything but I will try my best to post it as soon as I can.


	13. Epilogue: We deserve a soft epilogue, my love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from:  
> “I think we deserve  
> a soft epilogue, my love.  
> We are good people  
> and we’ve suffered enough.”  
> – Seventy Years of Sleep # 4  
> .  
> Takes place roughly two years after the last chapter  
> That means Zuko is 19/20  
> Sokka and Suki are 18/19  
> Katara and Azula are 17/18  
> Aang and Toph are 16

The sun was shining over the cold expanse of snow, gleaming so bright that Sokka had to squint his eyes. "How do you deal with six months of nightfall?" Zuko asked Katara, his fingers drumming over the side of his leg--pent-up energy from days and days of exposure to the midnight sun.

She shrugged, "It burns off quick enough." 

"Katara!" said Aang, whizzing over to them on his air scooter. "Will you go penguin sledding with me?" 

Sokka shook his head a bit, chuckling. Spirits, he hopes that Aang would never change. 

"Of course," said Katara, taking off. "Race you!" 

Aang laughed and run after her, kicking up a flurry of snow in their wake. 

Zuko breathed, a plume of fire ghosting the air in front of him. 

Sokka stared at him, wide-eyed. "Have I ever mentioned how hot that is?" 

Zuko smirked and did it again (that bastard). "Maybe?" 

Sokka laughed, thinking of his crisis in the middle of a fucking _prison break_. 

"Well, it is," said Sokka, grabbing Zuko's gloved hand. 

"Shush," said Zuko, eyes trained on Azula in the distance. She'd pulled off her gloves, and was melting a ball of ice into slush. 

She hid it behind her back, walking up to Suki, putting one arm around her waist before shoving the slush down the collar of her parka with the other. 

Zuko snickered as Suki's eyes widened almost comically before she grinned and tackled Azula to the ground. 

"What is happening?" said Sokka as both of them rolled around in the snow, wrestling. 

"I have no idea," said Zuko, still laughing into his hand. 

"Come on," said Sokka, pulling Zuko away. "I know the perfect place." 

Zuko complied readily, meeting him step for step as they climbed up the hill. 

Once the reached higher ground, they stopped, just as the sun dipped wearily to the horizon. It wasn't quite winter yet, but the sun was gradually sinking lower by the day, the blue of twilight was the perfect time to see the Lights. 

"Look up," said Sokka and when Zuko looked up, his eyes softened. 

_"Oh."_

The sky was lit up with dancing lights, the iridescent blues and greens sparkling against the dusk sky. 

"The Celestial Lights," whispered Zuko in awe, lifting his hand up slightly, like he would be able to touch them if he reached out enough. 

As Zuko looked at the sky with wonderstruck eyes, Sokka brushed his hand against the carved whalebone disk in his pocket, the smooth silk ribbon that it was tied to. 

He'd had a lot of time to think, in spite of everything going on with Republic City (their wonderful, bizarrely brilliant dream--a place where people from different places could live in peace, could love in peace.) 

At nights when he stopped working on his sketches for glass and metal buildings that could touch the skies, he unfolded the piece of paper that he kept in his pocket, carefully picking out the perfect pattern. 

"It's beautiful," said Zuko, bringing his arms behind Sokka's neck and kissing him. "Thank you for showing it to me." 

Sokka smiled, leaning his head on Zuko's shoulder. "My pleasure, jerkbender."

Zuko groaned. "Will you ever let that go?" 

"Never," said Sokka, fiddling with the end of Zuko's braid. 

"We should go," said Zuko, making no effort to move. "Gran-Gran will kill us if we don't make it back in time for dinner." 

"You just want to eat all the sea prune stew," said Sokka. 

"Maybe..." 

"Just five more minutes?" said Sokka, looking up at Zuko with big polar bear puppy eyes. 

"Okay," said Zuko far too quickly. 

Sokka mentally applauded himself on a job well done. 

Tomorrow, Zuko would go back to Caldera and Sokka to Republic City. But for some time, it was just them, watching the ethereal lights dance in the sky. 

"Uncle said that the lights used to be more beautiful when the spirit portals were open," said Zuko. 

"I don't think I could imagine anything more beautiful than this," said Sokka watching the glow of the lights bounce off the snow, the necklace burning a hole in his parka pocket. 

"Sokka?" said Zuko, noticing the way he had zoned out. "Is everything okay?" 

Sokka had apparently forgotten all semblance of brain to mouth function because he blurted, "Marry me?" 

_"What."_

"Man, I can't believe I just said that," said Sokka, pacing back and forth, hands in his hair. "I had a whole speech, and I was going to wait..." 

He noticed Zuko was still standing with his eyes as wide as dinner plates so he sighed and said, "Fuck it. Zuko, I love you, like so, so much." 

He removed the necklace from his pocket, the inky blue ribbon and pale disk, shining like it was shot through with gold, the sea and the sun carved onto it, curving around each other like Yue and La.

_"Koishiteru?_ " The words were almost clumsy on Sokka's tongue, but when he had gone to ask Iroh for his blessing, Iroh had explained that the word had a deep meaning--more than simply 'I love you', but also ' _I want to spend the rest of my life with you'._

It felt fitting, to use them. 

Zuko closed the space between them, kissing him under the celestial lights. 

" _Yes_ ," he said, with the same reverence that he had looked up at the lights, the stars all those months ago, back when they'd first taken down the walls between them, the beginning. 

Sokka let out a relieved laugh and tied the necklace around Zuko's neck, the pendant fitting at the hollow of his neck like it was made for him. 

Which of course, it was--Sokka had studied all of him so carefully that it felt like another part of the person he was meant to be. 

* * *

"I can't believe you guys are late--" said Katara brandishing the stew ladle like a water whip, faltering when she noticed _it_. 

"Oh my god," she said before squealing, ladle forgotten on the side as she enveloped both of them in a tight hug. 

"Can't breathe," wheezed Sokka. 

"Sugar Queen, was is going on?" said Toph, frowning, because the cold of the South Pole meant that she had to wear fur-lined boots. "I can't see shit." 

"Yeah Katara, what's going on--" began Aang, but when he saw _it_ too he had the exact same reaction as Katara and launched himself into the group hug. 

"Let go!" shouted Zuko finally. "I can't breathe!" 

Aang and Katara reluctantly let go. 

"Can someone tell me what's happening?" said Toph, arms crossed. "Before I start turning all the cutlery into projectiles." 

"Aang, you want to tell this one, buddy?" said Sokka, noticing how he was practically vibrating with excitement. 

"You're getting married," said Azula flatly from the doorway and Aang deflated. 

"I was going to say that!" 

Azula shrugged. 

"Finally," said Toph with a snort. "You two have been mooning over each other for far too long." 

"Congratulations," shouted Suki from the other side of the room. 

"Sokka?" said Gran-Gran, coming into the room with a mixing spoon in one hand and Druk skittering around her legs, about the size of a wolf-cat. 

"Yes, Gran Gran?" said Sokka nervously, waiting for her reaction. 

She and Zuko got along famously (after he apologised dozens of times for the mistakes he made in the past) but Sokka was still a bit anxious as to how she would react. 

"The stew is getting cold, hurry up," she said, casting a meaningful look to Zuko before ushering Suki and Azula to help set up the table. 

"I just have to get something," said Zuko, _his fiancé_ , pressing his lips to Sokka's cheek before moving forward. "Go help Gran-Gran." 

"Where are Dad and Bato?" asked Sokka as he removed the bowls from their place on the shelf. 

One of the perks of being the Chief was that Hakoda had one of the bigger igloos, and with the help of the northern waterbenders, they came with practical bonuses like rows of shelves and tables made of carefully crafted ice. 

"Last minute council stuff," said Katara, serving soup with her bending. Sokka didn't know why she had bothered with a ladle in the first place. 

"Sokka, we can handle dinner," said Gran-Gran, pushing him towards the doorway. "Go find that fiancé of yours." 

Sokka smiled dopily. "Okay."

"The look on Snoozles' face," cackled Toph, slamming her palm against the tabletop. 

"Can you see on this ice?" asked Azula warily. 

"Didn't have to." 

* * *

"Hey," said Sokka, when he spotted Zuko standing in the balcony. "What are you doing out here in the cold?" 

"I'm not cold," said Zuko, mist fogging with his breath. 

"Okay, jerkbender," said Sokka, sliding one arm around Zuko's waist. "I know Toph's going to lay the jokes real thick today but we still have to eat." 

"I know I just, wanted to give you this," said Zuko, holding out something wrapped in royal blue silk in his palms. 

Sokka gently unwrapped it, and his mouth fell open when he saw the delicate hairpiece made of white gold nestled within the silk. 

"I know it's redundant to do this twice," said Zuko with a low laugh. "But I wanted you to have it--" 

" _Yes_ ," said Sokka, throwing his arms around Zuko, hairpiece carefully clasped in his palm. "I don't care if it's redundant--I love it." 

"Good, because I'm still mad that I didn't get to do it first," said Zuko, but he was smiling. 

"Can you help me?" said Sokka, turning around. 

Zuko slid the hairpiece onto Sokka's wolf tail, arranging it so that it wouldn't fall. 

"I thought it would be a good amalgamation of who we are," said Zuko as Sokka turned back. 

Sokka smiled and kissed him, carding his fingers through Zuko's soft hair; it felt so much lighter without the weight of the crown. 

"Is this why you were in a rush to come back?" said Sokka when they broke apart. 

"This and the sea prunes," said Zuko sheepishly and Sokka laughed. 

"We'll make a water tribesman of you yet," said Sokka and Zuko grinned. 

When they walked back, everyone else was seated at the table, including Hakoda and Bato, who were apparently back. 

" _Seriously?_ " said Azula incredulously. "You were gone for five minutes and you managed to get engaged, _again?_ "

Hakoda and Bato looked at the necklace around Zuko's throat, the hairpiece on Sokka's head and then back at each other, lips parted in shock and surprise. 

"We were gone for three hours!" complained Hakoda, while Bato patted him consolingly on the back. "How did you manage to get engaged _twice_?" 

Druk scampered over and curled around their legs as everyone around them laughed. 

"Love finds a way," said Toph flatly, taking a bite from her arctic hen. 

Sokka looked around, surrounded by his family, the celestial lights shining in the sky, sitting next to Zuko, their fingers threaded together like it was the most natural thing in the world. 

"Yeah, it does," he said and there was a round of laughs, sighs and groans from all around the table. 

"Please tell me you're not going to be this oogie from now on," said Toph, tilting her head back in frustration. "You were bad enough before." 

Sokka threw his head back and laughed, feeling like the last pieces had slotted into place. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I did *not* intend to write a proposal but apparently, I have no brain and hand coordination so when Sokka said 'Marry me' I was as shocked as Zuko was.  
> (also I thought they were young, but I have been watching atla with my best friend (yay!) and Yue gets engaged at 16 so I'm going to go with it)  
> .  
> It's finally finished!   
> Thank you so much for giving this story a chance. All the comments and kudos I have gotten mean so much to me.  
> I would love it if you commented your favourite part of the fic.  
> .  
> Yes, it does say now that this work is part of a series because I will be writing a fic where the Gaang goes to therapy, which will take place in the two years between the last chapter and the epilogue.  
> .  
> Come yell at me on tumblr: my username is queerenteen there too.


End file.
